Saturday, November 13, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Coagulating confusion*

This beverage obviously comes from Japan and it's appeal is that it is liquid that you shake and then have a jello like snack. Yes, a drink you punish into a meal. Interesting. The second I saw this I knew I had to have it but once I had it I was a tad scared of its outcome. Here is a retelling of the 'enjoyment' of it.....

1-I shook the crap out of this thing and then cracked the cap and it smelt like muscat or a real pungent grape scent usually attributed to Japanese snacks.

2-It poured out like viscous spew into the glass. Nowhere near a solid not even close. It tasted like...nothing really. The scent was oddly deceptive as the taste was more thick saliva texture than grape taste.

3-While pondering how this after taste was like someone ate good candy and then 20 min.s later spit into my mouth adding insult to injury that I had no candy. All the while shaking the crap out of this demon drink again. 2 plus minutes later we went round 2.

3.5- F-ing disgusting and still nowhere near solid. At this point Sarah smelled it and said 'It smells like something you'd like.' But then she tasted it and screamed 'looougies!'.
In the above picture you can see a grape explaining to you that if someone gives you grapes then beat the sh*t out of those grapes until they become what you want.....also he says something about maracas. Below you can see disappointment in liquid form. Quite similar to that slime in Ghostbusters 2 that made the statue of liberty dance or just made me sad. This drink not Ghostbusters 2. Ok that made me sad too. I admit that perhaps in not speaking Japanese that I did something wrong in the preparation but all I found online said shake it and it becomes jello. So if you have had a different outcome than please let me know....not that I will try it. I will just buy a jello cup next time. Thanks.

.FOOrD BLOrG. *drinky

I know, scary right? A freakin' dragon breathing fire on a beer! Yes that is eye catching but what really made me want to pick this up is that it said DARK HEFF on it. I haven't ever seen a dark heff before. I couldn't quite figure out what it would be like so I had to try it.

1- Smells a bit like honey.

2- Delicious. A surprise for sure. I didn't get a super wheaty taste at all. Not to dark either.

3-For me this is a great winter beer because I don't want a super heavy beverage. In fact if you cut this with lemonade I bet it would be awesome.

4- Not a huge lingering flavor. Crisp, clean, and well balanced. Not bad for a 1.25 a bottle.

I found this at City Market on NW 21st. Sorry I don't have anything amusing to tell you about it. It was good. I want more.


OK, so you know when you are at the store and you want a cola but you aren't really that thirsty and you also want some cotton candy but you'd like to chew it for 20 minutes AND you only have enough money to buy one item.. . . You haven't had that problem? Well me neither but that didn't stop someone from solving that non-existant dilema. BEHOLD: Cola flavored cotton candy that turns into gum in your mouth!Meiji brings us this oddity from Japan and you know that means it will be pretty darn awesome. Also awesome is the art work which clearly tells the story of a man chewing gum and hanging out with a pompous toad while a ninja floats above him in a cloud and another ninja appears to have taken his genitals out. That is clearly the story right? I see it.
Before we begin I'd like to add that I have no idea what is happening in the picture above.

1-It smells like cola and fiber glass.

2- Upon putting it in your mouth it feels like eating hair. Matted fiber glass hair. Wig candy if you will. At first it is all texture as the hair fibers start melting releasing a subtle cola flavor. Then as you chew it in an attempt to break down the cola hairball in your mouth it becomes like a slime. So at one point you have hairy slime in your mouth. Then the slime congeals into the texture you know as a little bit of gum.

3-Same as above only the amount of gum in my mouth has grown a tad. At this point I noticed that there were tiny white specks in the matted hair candy. Those tiny specks were compact pellets of fizz. So you have frothy slimy hair candy with cola flavor.

4-Once the cotton cnady is all gone you have a piece of gum in your mouth about the size of an average piece of bubble gum. The flavor is gone after a minute or two sadly leaving you with only the sweet memory of what once was hair.

I know that you are most likely thinking I must have hated it by describing it in slimy hair terms but to be honest it was quite fun. The experience was just that, an experience. It was enjoyable and intriguing how it changed form and shape. I, for one, would rather have this treat in my mouth than a Razzle anyday.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


For this edition I chose to focus on one form of snack that always makes a snack promise to taste like what it is not. GUM. It is a treat that you chew more than any other treat. This is a promise to not only be enjoyed but to be savored for longer than an average of 45 chews. Here we go!BAM! Squeeze gum comes from Japan and it is not squeeze gum. See I have had gum that you squeeze out of a tube and it was sick, grainy, and vomitous. (If that isn't a word it should be.) This gum states that it is 19% fresh watermelon and the cool factor is upped by the fact that it comes with its own tiny pad of papers for disposal. Cute right?.

1- Smells like a chicklet.

2-The taste was not of fresh watermelon. In fact the taste was unpleasent. Like a cleaner or a medicine.....There was a hint of something not meant for mouths.

3-Love these tiny papers. Enough said.

Well Japan, this really let me down. The fact that so many good snacky fruit flavored thingies come from Japan makes me expect alot. Honestly I do. In this case, I set myself up for failure. Both Sarah and I thought this gum really missed the mark and was just plain bad.
Once again this gum hails from Japan and boasts something I have never had. A MINT POWDER CENTER!!!!! Yea, I was excited. I also like its tiny droor packaging. I LOVE Black Black and that menthol burn that it gives me. Did I hope that this gum had that burn?? Yes. Once again I had set myself up......

1- A slight mint smell. Slight.

2- Holy crap!! Awesomeness just threw up kisses on my tounge!! (Too much? Sorry, I will dial it back abit.) eh hem.... It is a good gum.

3- This gum has power! Did I notice the powder? Perhaps a tad texturally but not super noticable. The mint strength definitely had a menthol edge and it singed my nostrils in a very good way.

4-Minutes into chewing the gum I was still chewing it. Did I need to? No. The intensity had come and gone. But the mentholgasm had happened and there didn't need to be more at that.

If you like mint buy it. Find it. Hunt it down. It isn't caffienated but that isn't its promise.
Lastly, your eyes don't decieve you. That is Bubbalicious and it is from (gasp) Mexico and it is flavored 'FUEGO'.

1- I opened it and it looks wet. I instantly thought 'DAMNIT'. Nobody wants to put pre-wet gum in there mouth. And if you do, you have problems.

2-If my tounge had a middle finger it would be fully extended at you Mexico. See I don't speak spanish but I had hoped fuego meant fire. But here is how I figured out what it meant by tasting this crap. Close your eyes and imagine this: your girlfriend or significant other is a piece of unripe fruit and they just ran a marathon and they dare you to kiss their butt.....and you do. Yup 'Fuego' means sweaty rotton butt kiss...on a fruit person. They sound alike.

I knew when I saw it was wet that I didn't feel good about this and I actually tried it with my face over the trash. It lasted just into the double digits in chews. And the regret is still reclining on my tounge. Thanks allot Mexico. Bubbalicious can go fuego themselves.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Crunchies

Here we have Death Sauce Rings from Frito Lay in Japan. Now I thought that Death Sauce was a hot sauce from the states but I was wrong. I am sure the bag explains this. Supposedly this snack even has Jolokia or ghost chili..... All I know is I heard it was spicy and I wanted it!!!

1-Smells of corn snack and chemicals. Which I suppose is quite accurate and I should expect that.

2-Initially it tastes like paprika or slightly like chili powder. Substantial crunch like fresh corn puff?. . .

3- The decent heat factor is a late comer to this mouth party. But it is there. Not super hot or 'death' like.

4-The heat dissipates rather quickly.

Overall I am going to keep this short. Why waste time, right? Look at the picture below and you will get the drift. It is a puffed corn snack with questionable flavor and some spice. Not really note worthy and not worth ordering from Japan. The appearance seems enticing and wild but other than being another thing to pack into your food hole is dismissable.