.FOOrD BLOrG. Gum, a novel idea.

Novelty. 

Novelty is a weird word. You can use it to describe the "newness" of something. "We will see how much the baby enjoys that real ninja star once the novelty has worn off." (*Did I mention I am about to become a parent? No worries. I got this.) You can also use novelty to describe a trinket. "It was so small that I accidentally swallowed the novelty teapot. Before I swallowed it, it was quite hilarious. Since then I have grown rather worrisome." (Typical scenarios.) This is strange to me. Perhaps it is the way in which I feel novelty is used to weigh entertainment. It is like you could also say "Eventually the baby won't be entertained by my penny collection." Or "I am no longer entertained by this thumbnail-sized panini press. I long for an actual panini press. These sandwiches are far too fluffy to eat unpressed." (More boring typical scenarios.) I think my problem with the word novelty is that I weigh entertainment and enjoyment far beyond most other things in life. I mean, I am aging pretty gracefully with the exception of smile lines. I just love laughter and being able to share that with the people I care about. That is how my brain has always worked. Case in point: Me, an elementary school boy. I overhear a ditty that another student has made up about 2 other children who may fancy each other. It goes "Whistle while you work. Betsy is a jerk. Shane Metheney broke his weenie. Now it doesn't work." I will never forget it. The novelty of that novelty song has never worn off. However, I spent weeks in high school studying the table of elements and all I could tell you is that if you want to make Poison, you need to combine the elements "Bel," "Biv," & "Divoe." Now you know.

So today we are looking at gum. Gum is something that you should want to linger. You want to enjoy it as long as possible. Otherwise you'd just eat candy, right? Also today's 1-5 scale is brought to you by personal moments of novelty. However, to prove that my blog is not a novelty, I plan on being completely serious for the rest of this post.

Alright, so first off we have a very serious gum. This is Camel Balls. In case you aren't quite sure what they are alluding to, Chicle has given you an artistic rendering of rotund camel testicles. Technically speaking though, that is an illustration of a camel scrotum. I can't help but imagine that there was a test group who after a long deliberation decided that children would rather have camel balls in their mouth and that a child asking their parents for a camel scrotum would be in poor taste. (That probably happened.)

We found this gum in a village in the south of France. We were at a farmers market and there was a small candy kiosk. There amongst the various confections like hand pulled taffy, various licorices, and pastilles were Camel Balls. They only had the one flavor. So I am assuming that Camel Balls only come "Extra Sour." The outer wrapper was not cooperating in the photo but you can sort of see that on the left it says "liquid filled." Now in case you have never known how a camel ball should be. It should be extra sour and liquid filled. Lets move on past its gorgeous exterior and see the actual delicacy.

Oh bother. It would appear some misfortune has befallen my camel ball which has caused it to rupture. It would also appear that I have only one ball. I have one camel ball. One must inquire as to why this is called "Camel Balls" but inside there is a lone ball. They should either change the name of this fine dessert or put a second ball in there. I mean, it is a no brainer. Lets be honest about how many balls we are giving people.

The ball smells somewhere between Pixie Stix and a Tart N Tiny (before they candy coated them.) The  ball (since it had leaked) has a texture that is somehow both slimy and gritty (slitty?) Eventually the gum has an elastic and soft chew. The type of chew that you might have encountered with a very cheap  and sugary gum. The flavor is equal parts blue raspberry and fruit punch. I find myself somewhat forlorn that I didn't get the full experience of the camel ball bursting in my mouth. However, it is my duty to carry on and not hold that against the gum. The flavor dissipates rather quickly and the once slitty gum starts to seize once you have swallowed the load of flavor that the ball once contained. In under a minute I found the experience had lost its luster. I give this snack a 2- Long ago my friend Aaron and I would DJ around town under the name DJ Sharon Needles. One of the things we would do to alleviate the pretentiousness of the dance scene was at one point in the evening we would give out glow sticks and fake mustaches. Suddenly people were transformed from a party where people might think twice about dancing to a care-free fun time.-out of 5.

Our second gum today was found at Tenzing Momo. Tenzing Momo is a herbs, vitamins, incense, etc... kind of shop located in Pikes Place Market in Seattle. I always knew of it as "The Witch Store."  It feels a bit like a witch's store. The overall layout is kinda chaotic and the people who work there run the gambit from elder librarian of occult books to a crusty punk wiccan. Even when I lived in Seattle I always enjoyed a pop into Tenzing Momo if not to purchase something, to listen to a customer rant on to the employee who simply wants them to take their bag of crazy and move on.  "Yes. Here is your wolves blood tea and your chants to bring about the moon child which shall in turn enslave all of man. Thank you for shopping at Tenzing Momo."

What we have here, in a nondescript drug bag, is gum. Now this was an impulse buy. It was at the register and I wanted it for this post. What kind is it? What is it made of? What flavor is it supposed to be? Who made this? These are all questions that are usually applied to things that are found in these tiny bags. The truth is: I don't know.

S- It smells like beeswax. Hmm. It is minty at first. I get a touch of honey. I like that it isn't sticking to my teeth. I think that this is a pretty good gum. The flavor lasts a good amount of time and I enjoy the light minty flavor. I give it a 4 out of 5.

d-There isn't crunch at first. Like most gums this shape that usually have that crisp outer layer. This breaks down a bit more like wax. A good wax. Like this is more natural in its essence. This reminds me of a chiclet. I actually enjoy the mint flavor. It has a good chew. Not too hard. I give it a 4-Mix tapes or Cd's. I love making mixes. I enjoy making them for specific people. I like to find out what types of music they listen to and find elements of that in other bands or styles that might not be familiar with. Is a mix a novelty? Perhaps but the feeling of receiving something that someone has put so much thought into is nothing to laugh at. -out of 5.

Our third gum comes to us from Accouterments. They also made the popcorn and cola gumballs from another post. (S's mother found this for me. I am thankful for kindness like this.) Here we have not one but 3 different flavors of gum to try.  Cranberry, pumpkin pie, and turkey. I know what you are thinking "Finally a meat gumball!" I bet the Camel Balls people are rolling in their graves (they have passed in this scenario) wishing they had just made camel flavor gum. (mmmmm) I mean, don't over think it right?

So we open the tin and we can see the 3 different colors. Red is clearly the cranberry, orange is the pumpkin pie, and yellow must be turkey.

Cranberry

S- This tastes like a cheap gumball. I don't taste cranberry. eh. Not impressed.

d- I agree. The shell on the outside kinda breaks off and it just tastes like a gumball you'd get out of a machine for a nickle. The kind who's flavor you'd describe as "red." Like it isn't even a discernible fruit.

Pumpkin Pie

S- Alright. This tastes like a cheap Big Red. Not too bad. Mostly an artificial cinnamon flavor.

d- I get a cheap cinnamon. The flavors of these aren't great or lasting very long.

Turkey

S-This tastes like gravy. This really tastes like a gravy gumball. It is pretty close to mayo gum. Is there mayonnaise gum? If not, someone should make it. People would love that. I give these a 3 because they nailed the gravy flavor and it is gross-out of 5.

d- This is definitely more gravy than turkey. A very gravy gumball indeed. Well it finally sort of delivers what it is saying it would.

Overall, I get that this has to be meant as a novelty. There can't be an honest market for meat gum. Right? I mean the cranberry and pie flavors aren't even close. It is almost like they weren't even trying because the crazy turkey gumball is what people are going to buy this for. Even the ratio seems poorly conceived. 4 cranberry to 9 turkey? Well, I suppose turkey is the main course. I give this snack a 2-Makeover Party. This is something we have done. First you compile a box of costumes and novelty items (novelty like silly glasses etc... not novelty like penis pasta.) Next you invite your friends over and pair people off in 2s. Each person in the pair will choose the outfit for the other person for the duration of the party. This is a great time for photos.-out of 5.

Our last gum comes to us from Japan. This is Watering Kissmint Flavor Change. A subtle yet beautiful name for a gum. Who doesn't want to think of mouths watering while they kiss. Just saliva streams a flowing. Watering those kisses. It is just poetry, people. We can also see from the name that this gum changes flavors. Magical! So really what we have here is a gum that is designed to change from pineapple to mint and it has a chemical to make your mouth water. Seriously. I am being serious. Look!

You can clearly see that there are lines on the gum stick that... You know, do the changing and watering in your mouth. We have finally reached that point in food. Feel free to ask your next server at a restaurant "Excuse me, I'd like the tuna niciose but do you know if it has something to make the watering happen in my mouth?" I can guarentee that either it will or the server might even share their own mouth waterings with your tuna for asking! We really are alive at a magical time.

Yep. See. Right there. Those lines are going to do things in your mouth. Magical things.

S- I wouldn't say it is a flavor change as much as flavorful. This is kind of a visceral experience. I also would say that this is more menthol than mint. I get citrus more than any other fruit. There is also a cough drop quality here. I give this gum a 5-out of 5. It is a fun experience and rather inventive.

d- I like this. The flavor lasts longer than any of the other gums that we have tried today. The texture is nice and not slitty at all. I don't get pineapple as much as a citrus. I really like the menthol. Mint can often be too one note but the citrus and menthol play well together. This is like if Fruit Stripe gum and Vicks got together. I remember as a kid that there was Aspergum. It was a delicious blend of aspirin and gum for children. (What could go wrong?) I give this snack a 4.5- One time at a party I found some string and I put it on my top lip, like a mustache. I was quite enjoying myself until someone said "What are you like 5?" At the time I replied "Mostly." but I thought about it after. The conclusion I came to is that to some adults the novelty of youth has worn off. To me it never will. It is magical. It is transformational. It is so unpretentious and fun. Adults are often trying to seem smarter and more important than they are. (Adults can suck Camel Balls.) Me? I am the kid with the greying hair and the paper mustache who is sitting in the corner drawing a hot dog dance party.

Chew on that.

(*Also I'd like to thank S for helping me by taking photos. This blog looks a lot better because of her efforts.)

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Welcome to my motivation station prepare for elation

It would seem in these modern times that we choose not to SURVIVE but settle just to be alive. We close our eyes to the wonders of the world outside and play games on our phones and watch reruns of Pimp My Ride. The gift of experiencing our each and every breath has instead been replaced with the documentation of ones self. Majesty made both mediocre and bland because everything looks the same through the lens of Instagram. Technique and style are valued far less than a leaked nipple slip from a Kardashian dress. The idea that we are so pleased by complacency, that we are satiated in our Pajama Jeans, has me infuriated and bursting at the seams. This is a message to broadcast massive-

We have become the passive.

Before you leave this page to engage in a Farmville game or something equally mundane. Wait. Remember how you got to this day. It wasn't without stumbles, falls, scrapes, and frays. Then why live this safe predictable way? We are so insulated and inundated by how our creature comforts are operated that we have forgotten what it is like to ACTUALLY be creative. Yes, this idea should sting like a slap. Now go make something without the aid of an app. Put down your smart phone and get your wits about yourself, the only navigation you need is your own heart and health. Give your loved one some actual face time and an honest look before you passively compliment them on Facebook. It is time to treat these creature comforts like a wounded horse, get out your gun and interrupt natures course. You will have plenty of time when you are old and grey to sit around stationary and complain. For now, woman or man, let your life experiences expand. TRY EVERY SINGLE THING YOU CAN. The end result isn't wether or not you liked it, it is about learning about yourself from having tried it.  

This is your life but do you choose to live it?

-Mc Snackmixx

So today's theme is about going outside of our own comfort zones and how in the end we can look back and see how we've grown. Hold on. I am still rhyming. OK. I think it has passed now. Alright, lets get to the snacks.

This was found at Fizz in PDX. I remember getting this gum or one like it in individual plastic wrappers when I was a kid. The idea as you can see by the pretty lackadaisical packaging is that it is gum that looks like a hot dog. More specifically a wiener. Can we just have a moment here to acknowledge the tagline that they put on the front of this gum for children. Gum shaped like a wiener and it says "Blow your lunch". Nobody raised an eyebrow at that one? Really? I know what they must have meant. Oh man. But I keep looking at it. Agh. There it is. I mean double entendre aside just look at the packaging. It is so ugly. Then there is the fact that it is six pieces of gum for a buck 25. Yikes. Then there is the issue of taste.

I think we all know what it means when something is "fruit" flavored. It means that it has a vague sweet flavor that is not great nor memorable. This product has that. This gum tastes like sugar and gum.-sigh-This gum is about as good at being fun to eat as I am successful at algebra. (I never even got to algebra.)
If you are looking for a gum that turns into a pretty massive glob of sugar in your mouth than this might be the snack for you. If you like to feel as if you have made a questionable choice while purchasing a snack than this might be the snack for you. Not for me though. I give this snack a 1-Limit the amount of time you walk around in a game on your game system and actually walk around, stimulating your own nervous system-out of 5

I know, I have said it 1000 times before but I am just not a fan of Mexican candies and sweets. Nonetheless this treat came back with Pat from a recent trip. I couldn't simply turn it down so I had to try it. (Hold on, the rhyming came back. I just need to hold a cold knife to my temple and roll my eyes. Wait, that is to get rid of hiccups...Ok. I will eat a spoonful of cinnamon and also play the spoons. No, that doesn't cure anything. Oh, I think it has passed.) This snack is interesting because of the individual little husk sacks. Is that the right term? I mean they look cool right? 

Huh. A plastic bag is wrapped tightly around the tamarind flavored sugar. Interesting. It smells like if a prune had some old slippers and it was wearing them when it has a fever and it's feverish feet had fever sweats in the slippers and then you smelled it. Yeah, like sweaty prune feet slippers. How does it taste? Pretty much like that. It is gritty. It has the taste of prunes and of course it has cayenne pepper. I bet if Mexico had a show that was the hispanic equivalent of the golden girls and you kissed one of them-your mouth would taste like this. This isn't a new experience thanks to previous Mexican snack adventures but it is another experience. Yep. There is something about the clawing sweetness that won't leave your mouth. It just lingers on your tongue giving you the feeling that you are actively rotting your teeth. I can honestly say that trying this was an all around bummer like realizing that your girlfriend has teeth like Joe Strummer. (Wait. Sorry. It will pass. I just need to fold clothes and think of lemons. . . That doesn't cure anything does it? It just makes you salivate while you match socks. That is just weird. Don't do that.)
As this was a gift, I am unsure of the price but I will say this "Even free is maybe too much." I give this snack a .5-Yes it will be crowded at the ________social event but prepare yourself mentally for that and when it is over you can ay that you made it through and have an experience to remember-out of 5.

Yes. Your eyes don't deceive you. We are doing this. I am not Andrew Zimmern or whatever his name is. My thing is not about eating gross things or extreme cuisine. However, Dave gave me this awhile ago and I had said that I wouldn't be eating them. I believe I also said "I will only eat one if you eat one because I get scared when I throw up alone." (Not true. Probably) Yet ever since then a part of my brain has been saying "why not?" You see, I don't usually make new years resolutions but this year I did. It was to say yes to anything my wife asks. Do I want to go somewhere that I might not have any interest in going? Yes. (Like that.) Something that simple can break the routines that we tend to build for ourselves. It is freeing to see what you are capable of no matter how big or small or possibly ill conceived and thoroughly gross.

So that is what this post and really this snack all come down to. When life gives you a cricket can you eat it? Well what if life sprays chemicals on the cricket to flavor it like bacon and cheese? Do you eat that cricket? In truth, most of what is coating the cricket is dehydrated cheese. Don't ask me why but I was way more gung ho about this idea before I saw that it had blue cheese on it. Something about having blue cheese on my cricket is just off putting. In the event that you think they look cute in that box lets get a closer look.

For you information, the smell is somewhere between when you open a box of Kraft Mac & cheese (You know that mix of dusty cardboard and dried pasta.) and when you open the cheese powder packet from the same box. Hmmm. With just a hint of what an old fly swatter smells like. Just a touch though. Just a touch. There is a balance of ambiance here. Oh man. He is missing a leg. er. I mean he is missing a drum stick. Alright here it goes:

(At the moment of trying this I was positioned by the sink ready to vomit. I had prepared myself.)

The first thing I noticed was that it was quite crunchy and the flavor was,  believe it or not, quite fake cheesy. Now in case you are picturing me casually chewing this cricket with a thoughtful look on my face-think again. I don't think I have ever chewed something so fast in my entire life. Also my eyes did tear up because I let myself think about what I was eating when my tongue felt one of its feet or legs. Luckily these crickets are dried or something so there is no guts to squirt in your mouth, no brain matter smeared on your tongue and no eye juices to go pop. (Are you ok? You look like you might feel ill.) Back in December, Sarah and Dave and I went to The Woodsman Tavern here in PDX and they had a dish of fried pork skin dusted in similar cheese dust. I would almost rather eat this cricket. The big miss here other than that it is a cricket is the bacon flavor. This just isn't what bacon tastes like. In my snack travels I really feel like one thing never changes- only bacon tastes like bacon. Anything bacon flavored is weird and icky. So I did it. I got the cricket down. I looked my opponent in his/hers little cheese covered face and I said......ok that didn't happen. I give this snack a 2-Go to a new restaurant. Make a new dish. Walk a different way home. Change anything even a little. You will live.-out of 5.

So I did it. I ate a bug. Big deal.

Well to me it is a big deal. I didn't particularly want to eat it. But I knew I could. For this blog and for you I did. Yet none of this would have been possible without my family and friends. So thank you for taking a second out of your life to read this from the beginning till the end. Now I am going to turn on the t.v. and become passive again. (JK. I am so not. I am going to make dinner for my lady. #SheIsTheBest)


(*I promise none of the rhyming will appear in any feature posts.)

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Something to chew on. (end of the year edition)

Well, here we are. The end of another year. A time when many people reflect on 365 days of happenings and look ever onward to another hopeful year of bounty and change. (Or they just get drunk and try to open mouth kiss someone at midnite) New years has always been odd to me. When you are a kid you just want to stay up late. Then you get older and you just want the champagne. Then you get older and you just want to stay home. However there are a quadrant of people who make resolutions and plan life changes and the such. I know, sounds exhausting. Now I am not one of those people but last year I made one. I decided to wear more grey and acid washed denim. It worked out nicely. Sure I didn't lose 15 lbs or save orphans or learn to skydive. (Technically everyone knows how to skydive since you are really just falling. Lets be honest, gravity is doing most of the work.) But I digress, with all this mulling over of things this seems a fitting time to return to the snack that takes time to break down, gum.

Oh, a two-fer! Well, half of this doesn't sound vomit-licious. First up today we have popcorn and cola flavored gumballs. This was a gift from Dave I think. I was happy to see that it says "2 flavors" as I think combined it would be way worse.

Yes. It looks like everything is in order here. Brown must be cola and yellow must be poopcorn. (Oops, sorry about that.) The balls have very little scent. There is a slight popcorn odor, however. I decided to warm up to the challenge by chewing the cola gum first.

Nothing. Really bland. Not even overtly sweet. I have had some amazing cola gum from Japan. This is not amazing or great or good or even ok. I thought this would be one of the high notes of this post. Boy was I wrong. Now on to -gulp- popcorn.

UGH. It tastes like popcorn. Like buttery-cinema popcorn! Why??? Who on this planet was eating popcorn and thought "I wish I had some gum for when I finish this popcorn so I can just keep this popcorn thing going." Sick!!!!!

Ok, now together.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! blarg! URP. Blech!!!! Who would want this??? Sweet, buttery, corn flavor..... Oh no. I feel noxious. I need to lay down or eat a pepto bismol factory.

I give this "treat" a .5- i will watch every Shirley Temple movie and try to eat less carbs-out of 5.

Ah. Sarah brought me the next three entries and they all hail from Japan. Oh Japan, you wonderful land of candy which I find far superior to my homeland. (Not you, Sweetarts. I love you.) The first of the three is peach and it hails from the Bourbon company. I won't go into the history of the company but if you want to know: http://www.bourbon.co.jp/english/company/history.html

I have tried a few of their products and they have been pretty solid. This gum is no exception. It is peach.  Upon unwrapping it you are hit with a pungent sweet peach perfume. The smell reminds me of buying peach-o's as a kid. You know, when you could walk up to the counter and open the plastic tub of them and use crappy plastic tongs to retrieve the peach flavored gummy. The flavor is solid and peach-tastic but as with most stick gum, the flavor dissipates far too quickly. I mean why keep chewing it if the flavor goes away? Why not just make it candy? Is there someone that is thinking "I like candy but I don't like swallowing the candy. I'd like the sweetness and at the same time create more waste." Why not just skip the gum and flavor the wrapper? Then you just chew on the paper and spit it out. Actually why don't we flavor every recyclable material and then the homeless can eat and help the planet at the same time? No?
Well not all my ideas can be good ones. I give this snack a 3- I am going to learn tap dance and morse code-out of 5.

Next up is Grape. Possibly my favorite flavor of candy from Japan. They just do it so very right. This one, however, is a bit more american in flavor style. In what way? First off, it smells like Hubba Bubba grape gum. Yeah. Which is pretty rad. Then there is the taste. Totally like the smell. This business is just like classic grape hubba bubba gum only in stick form. That part is a shame because the smooshy pillowy goodness of hubba bubba is part of the pleasure factor. That aside, this sh*t is delicious. In fact I am chewing three pieces right now and I am in grape heaven. Downside: flavor fades after 3 minutes. Upside: that is like 3 minutes in heaven. (Not the game where you try to get to 3rd bass in a dark closet. And not the 3rd bass that rapped about pop goes the weasel.) I give this snack a 4.5- I am going to jog a marathon and only eat raw foods.......and judge EVERYONE!-out of 5.

I feel like I have covered this. Maybe not. So here we have classic Lotte Ginseng gum. Another in the stick variety. My amazing wife found this for me and it smells like dirt. (That isn't her fault but seriously it smells like dirt.) It smells kind like if you put ben gay on your hand and then stuck your hand in dirt and then smelled it. Yea, it smells like earth medicine. (my new hippie jam band) Which I guess makes sense since ginseng is medicinal and from the earth. The taste is like the earth. Really earthy. I cannot stress that enough. Did I saw earthy yet? EARTHY. Yeah, wow. Ok after about a minute of earthyness there is a bit of sweetness and ginsengness. Overall, not my favorite thing. Pretty far from my favorite. (earthy) See here is my problem: it isn't bad but I like my ginger and ginseng items to not be sweet. Just give me the raw power of those things. You don't need to go and make everything super sweet. I give this gum a 2-I am going to travel the world with google earth-out of 5.

Ok. Lastly we have Mastic. Sarah and I found this at an ethnic grocery. I think it was Lebanese. I think. This gum is quite interesting. You can read all about the health benefits by clicking on this link.
http://www.life-enhancement.com/article_template.asp?id=1678

Alas I am no doctor. I just want to eat it. It has no scent at all. Biting into it there is a slight sweetness as the candy shell crackles between your teeth. The from within its center comes a raging earthyness. Wait. Seriously? More earthyness? Come on!

As can be expected from something that fights stomach ulcers and kills bacteria on your teeth: it sucks to eat it. It is not good. So that you don't have to buy this and try it simply go outside and dig up something with a root. Now put that dirty root in your mouth. Mmmmmm. Now go wash out your dirty root mouth.
 I give this snack a 1-I am going to spend more time with family and quit drinking...maybe not-out of 5.

.FOOrD BLOrG. mYStErY.....................(something to chew on)

For the past few posts I have had an idea in the back of my mind. The concept of taste. What is its mysterious origin within us all? And how does that taste shape us?.... I won't get too into all of that (because my mind often dislikes finished thoughts) but as I approached this post all about gum I thought this might be an opportune time to 'chew' on the idea. (cuz the post is about gum...... and you have to chew gum......well, I guess you don't have to but it is more enjoyable....eh hem.)

I have come to realize over the years how much my personal tastes have isolated me in some ways. For instance at work where people discus sports and fantasy sports I have no taste for those things and therefor no place in the conversations. I don't listen to the radio in order to discover new bands or watch those Mtv shows that pay people who ruin their lives money. (I think the latter of those two is about one step from a disability reality show for people to laugh at.) I have no taste for it. Does that make me cool to listen to different music or to not watch those shows? No. I argue that all those things are driven by taste. There are days when I wish that my taste was different because it would be easier to feel included. For some reason I can't.

(cue: Joy Division 'ISOLATION')

When I was in first grade my mom could look out the kitchen window and see me sitting on a bench by myself watching the other kids play together. I guess I still am that same little boy only now that boy is listening to Third Eye Foundation and putting weird snacks in his mouth.

Which brings us to our first gum:

I am pretty sure Sarah got this for me but she may have found it in NY....hmmm. Anyway, it says SOUR so it has to be sour right? N-O-O-O-P-E. (that is like super nope) When I opened it I felt a weird wash of nostalgia. Something familiar and yet not the good kind of familiar. Oh yes, FRUIT STRIPE! That stupid gum that looked fun but had all of a second worth of flavor, if you call that a flavor. It was more like somebody chewed a piece of gum with a chunk of pouperie and breathed into your mouth. Hopefully this will taste better. Nope. Although the flavor lasted 2 minutes. Almost. So plus 50 points. (yeah I added points to entice the sports crowd...) But the paper stuck to the stick of gum so minus 800 flags and bases.
I don't know anything about this gum. I bought it blindly at an Italian grocery in NY. I could google it but I like adventure when it comes to these things. As I opened the package I smelled something familiar again. Chicklets. AWE MAN. (minus fifteen chest bounces if this is a chicklet...) And here is when surprise comes into play. . . It looked like a rectangle with round edges and crunched like a chicklet but it tasted like mentholatum. Like when you were a kid and you put it under your nose and licked it on kinda accident. But in gum form. The flavor lasted about a minute and a half. (so plus some sliding and putting things aggresivly in basket shapes where it just falls out and repeat.) *This is going well.
What? Hubba Bubba has a mystery for me to solve with my mouth? Well, detective tounge is here! ugh. Forget that last part...or two parts. While we are on the subject of mysteries. What is a hipster? I know what I picture and that is a person who dresses in a certain way to get attention. Why would anyone do that? If it wasn't for some reason comforting to me to have a lesbian haircut, over manicured eyebrows, and a lip piercing I wouldn't. I don't want anyone looking at me. I bought invisible spray but it got lost in the mail. (cuz it was invisible).....(and so was the mailing address sticker for some reason)

This gum was also nostalgic because it is freakin Hubba Bubba. It smelled like Hubba Bubba. My favorite flavor of which is cherry cola. This flavor smells like cherry lemonade so I am down. The piece was yellow on the outside and red in the center. It looked like a fat Bonker. (if you remember bonkers....) the taste was..............cherry lemonade. I am almost certain. You know when they make Airheads, the way they get a mystery flavor? It is the by product of changing from one flavor to another. Rather than stop the machines or throw the weird candy out they just call it 'mystery'. Bet you didn't know that?!? Amazing I know. ( Try working that into a conversation about Ke$ha or the Bulls) Oh, the flavor lasted around six minutes but that is a long time to intensely salivate. (So Hubba is up a quarter and down a penalty box...or something)

In closing, I don't mean to sound special in anyway. Quite the contrary, I think everyone has different tastes but if they are similar to others in large margins you look to be apart of a whole of something. Ah, who knows. Not me, I just know that it is weird for me now to watch children play on a playground.

.FOOrD BLOrG.

OK, so you know when you are at the store and you want a cola but you aren't really that thirsty and you also want some cotton candy but you'd like to chew it for 20 minutes AND you only have enough money to buy one item.. . . You haven't had that problem? Well me neither but that didn't stop someone from solving that non-existant dilema. BEHOLD: Cola flavored cotton candy that turns into gum in your mouth!Meiji brings us this oddity from Japan and you know that means it will be pretty darn awesome. Also awesome is the art work which clearly tells the story of a man chewing gum and hanging out with a pompous toad while a ninja floats above him in a cloud and another ninja appears to have taken his genitals out. That is clearly the story right? I see it.
Before we begin I'd like to add that I have no idea what is happening in the picture above.

1-It smells like cola and fiber glass.

2- Upon putting it in your mouth it feels like eating hair. Matted fiber glass hair. Wig candy if you will. At first it is all texture as the hair fibers start melting releasing a subtle cola flavor. Then as you chew it in an attempt to break down the cola hairball in your mouth it becomes like a slime. So at one point you have hairy slime in your mouth. Then the slime congeals into the texture you know as a little bit of gum.

3-Same as above only the amount of gum in my mouth has grown a tad. At this point I noticed that there were tiny white specks in the matted hair candy. Those tiny specks were compact pellets of fizz. So you have frothy slimy hair candy with cola flavor.

4-Once the cotton cnady is all gone you have a piece of gum in your mouth about the size of an average piece of bubble gum. The flavor is gone after a minute or two sadly leaving you with only the sweet memory of what once was hair.

I know that you are most likely thinking I must have hated it by describing it in slimy hair terms but to be honest it was quite fun. The experience was just that, an experience. It was enjoyable and intriguing how it changed form and shape. I, for one, would rather have this treat in my mouth than a Razzle anyday.

.FOOrD BLOrG. GUM GUM GUM GUM

For this edition I chose to focus on one form of snack that always makes a snack promise to taste like what it is not. GUM. It is a treat that you chew more than any other treat. This is a promise to not only be enjoyed but to be savored for longer than an average of 45 chews. Here we go!BAM! Squeeze gum comes from Japan and it is not squeeze gum. See I have had gum that you squeeze out of a tube and it was sick, grainy, and vomitous. (If that isn't a word it should be.) This gum states that it is 19% fresh watermelon and the cool factor is upped by the fact that it comes with its own tiny pad of papers for disposal. Cute right?.

1- Smells like a chicklet.

2-The taste was not of fresh watermelon. In fact the taste was unpleasent. Like a cleaner or a medicine.....There was a hint of something not meant for mouths.

3-Love these tiny papers. Enough said.

Well Japan, this really let me down. The fact that so many good snacky fruit flavored thingies come from Japan makes me expect alot. Honestly I do. In this case, I set myself up for failure. Both Sarah and I thought this gum really missed the mark and was just plain bad.
Once again this gum hails from Japan and boasts something I have never had. A MINT POWDER CENTER!!!!! Yea, I was excited. I also like its tiny droor packaging. I LOVE Black Black and that menthol burn that it gives me. Did I hope that this gum had that burn?? Yes. Once again I had set myself up......

1- A slight mint smell. Slight.

2- Holy crap!! Awesomeness just threw up kisses on my tounge!! (Too much? Sorry, I will dial it back abit.) eh hem.... It is a good gum.

3- This gum has power! Did I notice the powder? Perhaps a tad texturally but not super noticable. The mint strength definitely had a menthol edge and it singed my nostrils in a very good way.

4-Minutes into chewing the gum I was still chewing it. Did I need to? No. The intensity had come and gone. But the mentholgasm had happened and there didn't need to be more at that.

If you like mint buy it. Find it. Hunt it down. It isn't caffienated but that isn't its promise.
Lastly, your eyes don't decieve you. That is Bubbalicious and it is from (gasp) Mexico and it is flavored 'FUEGO'.

1- I opened it and it looks wet. I instantly thought 'DAMNIT'. Nobody wants to put pre-wet gum in there mouth. And if you do, you have problems.

2-If my tounge had a middle finger it would be fully extended at you Mexico. See I don't speak spanish but I had hoped fuego meant fire. But here is how I figured out what it meant by tasting this crap. Close your eyes and imagine this: your girlfriend or significant other is a piece of unripe fruit and they just ran a marathon and they dare you to kiss their butt.....and you do. Yup 'Fuego' means sweaty rotton butt kiss...on a fruit person. They sound alike.

I knew when I saw it was wet that I didn't feel good about this and I actually tried it with my face over the trash. It lasted just into the double digits in chews. And the regret is still reclining on my tounge. Thanks allot Mexico. Bubbalicious can go fuego themselves.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Gum 2

I needed to take a break from Mexico and decided Japan needed some attention. Here we have Ginger Ale Gum! For those times when drinking ginger ale and chewing gum seems insane.

1- No scent upon unwrapping.

2- The shape was that of a bloated chiklet.

3- It tastes like freaking Ginger Ale and not the sugary americanized junk.

4- The taste is so earthy and Gingery that as it disappears you wonder why am I chewing gum?

This gum is serious stuff. It slightly burned my nostrils and caused my eyes to tear a bit. Sadly the flavor doesn't last long but then with intensity like that maybe you wouldn't want it too. If you want to try it I have a whole pack left....

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Something to chew on.

Gum, it is a timeless treat. Whether it be in ball, stick, or whatever shape a Chicklet is, gum is exciting for kids of all ages. Personally, I do not chew gum often but for the sake of nostalgia I composed todays experiment. As you can see above, our first gum is a classic. Bazooka has been around since around WW2 and is made by the TOPPS company. Which is why it tastes like the sticks of gum in TOPPS trading cards people bought in the 1980's. It is pink, hard, and tastes like what people would assume plain bubble gum tastes like. The weird thing for me is that the 'comic' wrapped around this gum is new?! Yeah, so somebody's job out there is to write Bazooka Joe comics. Really, seriously? Ok I don't think adding internet references to a comic that no kids identify with but whatever. I guess the Flintstone's Pebbles cereal will feature Fred djing on his ipodosaurus next. Moving on.
Found this at a Mexican market far out SE. Yep, it is Choco flavored bubble gum but it gets worse. It is chocolate flavored gum with a liquid center and THEN it has cake decorations glued to it. What a terrible terrible terrible idea.

1- It smelled like chocolate.

2- It crunched when I bit into it and then things took a turn for the worse.

3-The liquid oozed out and the texture of the gum was brittle and gag inducing.

4- After 6 full chews I gagged and spit it out into the garbage.

Don't chew this gum. Don't let your enemies chew this gum. Go eat the worst chocolate out there and it still won't be this aweful. Blech!!!! Who would have thought that chocolate flavored gum from Mexico would be bad?
This gum is inspired by "omikuji", which are wooden sticks with fortunes inscribed on them. As you can tell this treat comes from Japan. Not only do they have fortunes but some of them, the ones with bad fortunes, stain your mouth red. I am chewing one stick now. I don't read Japanese but this first stick was not unlucky as my mouth is not red. Time for stick 2.

1- Smells like powder and sugar.

2- Tastes like perfume. Light perfume.

3- Two sticks in and my mouth isn't red. I guess that is good luck.

It is not a secret that Japan's treats are usually more imaginative and sometimes way tastier. In this case, this gum kicks Bazooka Joe's butt all over the place and I don't even understand it. Seriously, look at this last picture and tell me 'What in the world is he saying?'.

.FOOrD BLOrG. sweeeeets Part 2

Morinaga Nobi Nobi Hi-chew -Cola flavor

So it is no secret that I love CANDY!!! This treat also comes from Japan. The 'normal' version of this treat is in small pieces and the appeal is that they look like gum but you can swallow it. This one is a rope form that you can play with! Which I didn't really care about. I just wanted to eat it! Nom nom nom..... and I did

1-It did taste like cola.

2- Nothing about it was gum like.

3- It was gritty.

Yeah, not all bad but far from amazing. When you get something from around the world there are hits and there are misses and sometimes there are 'eh s'. This was a deff. eh. Not much flavor and really nothing to remember. But that is ok because I have a special product that I have been saving for today to hopefully share with a pal. Expect that review next!