.FOOrD BLOrG. GUM GUM GUM GUM

For this edition I chose to focus on one form of snack that always makes a snack promise to taste like what it is not. GUM. It is a treat that you chew more than any other treat. This is a promise to not only be enjoyed but to be savored for longer than an average of 45 chews. Here we go!BAM! Squeeze gum comes from Japan and it is not squeeze gum. See I have had gum that you squeeze out of a tube and it was sick, grainy, and vomitous. (If that isn't a word it should be.) This gum states that it is 19% fresh watermelon and the cool factor is upped by the fact that it comes with its own tiny pad of papers for disposal. Cute right?.

1- Smells like a chicklet.

2-The taste was not of fresh watermelon. In fact the taste was unpleasent. Like a cleaner or a medicine.....There was a hint of something not meant for mouths.

3-Love these tiny papers. Enough said.

Well Japan, this really let me down. The fact that so many good snacky fruit flavored thingies come from Japan makes me expect alot. Honestly I do. In this case, I set myself up for failure. Both Sarah and I thought this gum really missed the mark and was just plain bad.
Once again this gum hails from Japan and boasts something I have never had. A MINT POWDER CENTER!!!!! Yea, I was excited. I also like its tiny droor packaging. I LOVE Black Black and that menthol burn that it gives me. Did I hope that this gum had that burn?? Yes. Once again I had set myself up......

1- A slight mint smell. Slight.

2- Holy crap!! Awesomeness just threw up kisses on my tounge!! (Too much? Sorry, I will dial it back abit.) eh hem.... It is a good gum.

3- This gum has power! Did I notice the powder? Perhaps a tad texturally but not super noticable. The mint strength definitely had a menthol edge and it singed my nostrils in a very good way.

4-Minutes into chewing the gum I was still chewing it. Did I need to? No. The intensity had come and gone. But the mentholgasm had happened and there didn't need to be more at that.

If you like mint buy it. Find it. Hunt it down. It isn't caffienated but that isn't its promise.
Lastly, your eyes don't decieve you. That is Bubbalicious and it is from (gasp) Mexico and it is flavored 'FUEGO'.

1- I opened it and it looks wet. I instantly thought 'DAMNIT'. Nobody wants to put pre-wet gum in there mouth. And if you do, you have problems.

2-If my tounge had a middle finger it would be fully extended at you Mexico. See I don't speak spanish but I had hoped fuego meant fire. But here is how I figured out what it meant by tasting this crap. Close your eyes and imagine this: your girlfriend or significant other is a piece of unripe fruit and they just ran a marathon and they dare you to kiss their butt.....and you do. Yup 'Fuego' means sweaty rotton butt kiss...on a fruit person. They sound alike.

I knew when I saw it was wet that I didn't feel good about this and I actually tried it with my face over the trash. It lasted just into the double digits in chews. And the regret is still reclining on my tounge. Thanks allot Mexico. Bubbalicious can go fuego themselves.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Mexican egg nog??? oh no.

Thats right kiddos!!! Your tiny kid prayers have been answered! Now when you think of chocolate do you think of the Swiss or French or even Germans? Yeah me neither, I don't picture their rolling hills of green pastures or histories involving complex butters and sweet milk based delectables. I picture the vast wasteland scenery of Mexico and the withered teats of their parched near death cattle. Ok, perhaps that is a tad harsh but my point is could France or someone call Mexico and say 'we got this.' So they will quit making vomit inducing candy concoctions. Whatever. Here we go, the review of CHUTAZO !!!! It is a chocolate soccer ball filled with egg nogg flavored something or other. (sigh)

1- These balls smell like cheap easter chocolate. I am referring to the Chutazo you sicko.

2- These balls busted up on my face like a Cadbury egg. It got its filling all over my face and chin. I was luckily distracted from the taste which was similar to a really crappy Cadbury egg with crap inside it.

3- Second nibble was worse than the first because the inside smells funky.

4- I needed that taste out of my mouth so thank you beer and cracker.

Here is what Sarah and Dave had to say:

Sarah- Smells like cheap chocolate and tastes boozy.

Dave- Low rent messy whisky chocolate.

Now to be fair, I don't care much for chocolate and I really don't care for egg nogg. So my review is null and void but I believe my assosiates testimony support my findings. In closing I would also like to disclose that Dave ate my leftover chocolate ball. Just saying, it may have been bad but he ate 2. So the next time you are thinking I need the perfect snack for my christmas themed soccer game party reach for Chutazo!

.FOOrD BLOrG. Skwinkles?

You might be wondering 'What is a skwinkle?' I am about to shed light on said wonderment with the help of my snack associates Sarah, Rosa, and Dave. The Lucas company makes several hispanic candy snackies. Most of them involve mango and chile. If you recall my post on 'Salsaghetti' you know my stance on this candy concoction. Not too positive or positively against it is more accurate. Yet here we are so why prolong it any further. A skwinkle is apparently a worm shaped gummy that you dip in a mysterious sauce. Oh that is what you thought it was? Me too.
1. No scent at all. Eerily no scent. I imagine ghosts to have more smell than a skwinkle.

2. (first we tried just the worm)

Dirk- No flavor and what I do taste is reminiscent of regret.

Sarah- Well, the yellow isn't very good. The orange is slightly better than the yellow.

Rosa- Tastes like an unsour gummy worm like dried fruit without taste.

Dave- Really crappy gummy worms. That were prelicked and then salted.

Have we sold you on skwinkles yet???? Well Sarah is about to with a description worthy of being place on their packaging.

3. (worm and sauce)

Sarah- I think it is blood placenta. (There you go Lucas company : SWINKLE 'I think it is blood placenta!) Damn near sells itself. Oddly enough I stopped recording our data at this point. The only other comment I wrote down was from Rosa and it reads 'No no no'. Also scribbled on the back of the data sheet is 'nobody needs skwinkles' and it is scribbled in the dramatic fashion you see in movies next to corpses where they wrote their last message in blood with their finger. In closing, if I ever see that sunglasses wearing duck from the packaging I am going to kick him squarely in his skwinkle.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Mexico!!! I am looking at you!

If you are one of the three people who look at this exercise in snackdom than you already know that I have little to no faith in Mexico's snack kingdom. But let me stress this point, I am still trying their goods (mostly bads thus far) because they dererve the benefit of the doubt. So here we have 'Salaghetti' which if you are like me then you made this in college with Taco Bell hot sauce packets and cheap pasta. This product however is, of course, Mango flavored gummy noodles with a packet of chili sauce for drizzling. Yep, I have been putting this off for over a month now and busted it out since we had a friend Kristen over and she was down for the sampler platter so this was the debut that evening. Well one of two but the rest will be in a separate post. Here we go:

1. Typical gummy scent with a dry almost dirty accent with a hint of pee. (All three of us came to that conclusion.)

2. The initial flavor of mango is nice. (This first taste was without the drizzle.)

3. We added some drizzle and here is the breakdown:

K- Tastes like barf and salivation.

S-My mouth is watering like I need to puke.

D- You are both correct.

4. Now 4 is usually reserved for the second trial of a snack and usually is the saturation point of the pungent snacks. That was so true here and I regretted every second of it. The nausea quality to this product is pretty sickening and sticks with you luckily we had a second item to try but again that is for next time.

Step 4 bled into 5 which is usually the aftermath. None of us wanted much more aftermath than we had survived so once we had braved the 'Salsaghetti' we were ready to forget it. Much like the other shame foods of college years when looking back at this snacksperience I think I can speak for all three of us when I say 'Let us never speak of this again.' Oh and Mexico you better get with the program or you'll be out in the cold like Finland.

P.s. Check out that partying Duck!! Why is there a duck in Mexico anyway? I have never seen a duck in Mexico. I bet they only have them in zoos.

.fOOrD BLOrG. Oh no Mexico.....

Alright, so the last treat I had from Mexico was shall we say completely disgusting and the overall experience was about as much of a treat as accidentally eating a fly. Actually I'd eat a fly way before chocolate bubble gum ever again. That being said, they deserve another shot so I give you the cutely titled ' HUEVITOS'. I purchased these at the same hispanic grocery store where I purchased that terror gum and two other products that I am terrified to try. We aren't talking of those now though we are talking 'CANDY COATED CHOCOLATE FLAVOR EGGS'. Which is a really messed up sentence like something I'd compose. I assumed this was poor translation on their part which I find pretty cute. That was part of why I bought these fine fine eggs. Now here is how this all went down:

1- Not really a smell upon opening package

2-They candies felt lighter than a chocolate candy usually does.

3- They didn't break or shatter upon biting them. They slowly gave and smooshed between your teeth like an even crappier candy than a Tootsie.

4- This was when I realized that I had made a mistake. There is nothing cute about the packaging. They meant what they said, this is a candy coated chocolate flavor egg and not in a good way. Yep, I fell for it and now the egge was on my face...er, in my mouth. Although at that moment I would have rather had it anywhere but in my mouth.

Yes, Mexico did it again. This candy tasted terrible. Plain and simply a bad candy. It tasted like a diet candy or some kind of candy trying to be something else. Not trying hard enough sadly. I don't know if Mexico is preoccupied with non-chocolate candy tasting like chocolate due to the fact that chcocolate melts in hot climates but this is no substitution for chocolate. Thats like saying 'I don't have chocolate but I wrote chocolate on this chalk board and you can eat that'. Same thing. In closing, shame on you Mexico. With crappy candies like yours I'd run for the border too. Not your border but our border....or the Canadian border. You get what I mean.