.FooRd BlooRg. Goth Drinks?....(sigh)

"Ever since I can remember I have sensed evil lurking around every corner and in every smile." -ME

Nothing like a little self love to kick it off right? (That isn't what I meant...Oh man, this is going all sideways already. (sigh)) My point is something I have touched on before. There are things or ways of being that reside in people forever. There are punks that will always be punk to some degree. It is a deep well within them that loves The Dead Kennedys and giving people the middle finger. This is just how things are. Me? I will always be an industrial-goth-kid. I am not ashamed of it. What does that entail you ask? Well, I don't paint my face white and cry in my fishnets but I do love The Cure (pre fat Bob) Cocteau Twins, Clan of Xymox, This Mortal Coil, etc... And by and large I feel like most of this world is unnecessary and utterly ridiculous. The industrial side of me loves Throbbing Gristle , Ministry, Chemlab, 16volt, Funker Vogt, and Combichrist. I might not be wearing a work shirt and Docs but believe me I am bitter pretty often. In my opinion, one needs the goth side for emotional depth and the industrial side to move more in their life and wallow less.  I would say I am 80/20 : industrial to goth ratio.

I recently watched a sub par documentary about the beginning of industrial music and one total idiot said that listening to Nine Inch Nails "The downward spiral" is devastating.... Really? Frat boy? Better go listen to Cake or Limp Biquick. (Frat guys are like way into baking, right?) If you are aware and even comfortable that evil exists than dark things are less jarring and depressing. Hell. They aren't even dark anymore. Which I think is more healthy and realistic. Basically what I am saying is that there are people who go to a park and think "What a great place." and there are those of us (wearing spf 50 at least) who think "Why are we outside and just think about all the lurid things that happen here at night."

What was my point? Oh yes, we are talking about drinks today and they are black. (Like my heart. sigh) So goth drinks it is. HERE WE GO!

Alright. What we have here is  Frizz Coffee. I don't do a lot of these bottled coffee drinks because most of them contain sugar or worse-cream. I like my coffee black. (Like my heart. (sigh)) That being said, I haven't had this one yet and I was buying some other things from this international grocery on Stark street here in PDX. They sometimes have some pretty good items and this time I found three drinks. This being the first.

Sarah tried all of these as well and described this weeks post as her least favorite yet. Sounds promising right? Well the thing is- neither of us drink soda. I know that sounds almost unamerican. (spell check is telling me that isn't a word which in turn is so very American.)

S- Whoa. Way too sweet. It tastes like carbonated chocolate milk.

d-I almost like the bubbles but it is just far too sweet.

Fascinating, yes? Look at how many ounces it is. Yeah, it is a tiny bottle. We drank about an ounce each before calling it a day. How sad is that. I didn't even sneak drink it because it said coffee on it. (That says a lot)

So to recap: If sweet coffee drinks are your thing then by all means drink this. (The first ingriedient is sugar and coffee is second.) Also today I walked into a bathroom that smelled like freshly popped buttered popcorn. I almost threw up. Lets be honest, nobody had popcorn in that bathroom. What were we recapping?

I give this snack a 2- tombstones out of 5, (I am talking about the pizza. (not...sigh.)

Oh Fentimans, how I love your little cute drink bottles. So old timey. Usually so delicious. (This above angle is to show how cute the bottle is. It also makes me feel really tall. Which never happens.)

So here is an intriguing CherryTree Cola. I won't retype all the goodies in it so go on and give that label a gander. Sounds pretty awesome right? I thought so. My only problem is that I bought this so long ago that I have no idea where I got it. This drink post got super pushed back because I kept getting another and another weird thing I wanted to share first.

S- Yum. This is really good. I really like that fermented ginger root. This is my favorite of all the drinks by far.

d-The ginger really anchors the cola flavor which is lightened by the cherry's inherent sweetness. (That is not what I said. I said MMMMMM. But it is all true nonetheless.)

I included this picture of all the ingredients in a blurry photo. My god, how much more professional could I possibly be? Sweet angle as well. I should be one of d'em image catchers!!! (sigh)
This was a fabulous drink though. If you are even slightly intrigued then I would say buy it. I give this drink a 5-google search goths in trees, trust me-out of 5.

This drink was found at that aforementioned international grocery on Stark. It caught my eye and I thought that since the weather was getting better maybe a lemonade would be nice. (It also has a skull on it and skulls are scary.-sigh)

Ok. This just got a bit odd. I mean I get that they are going for a joke here but I prefer to imagine someone peer pressuring rabbits to drink black lemonade. The bunnies then trying to play it cool before blowing carrots and black lemonade everywhere. Crying shameful bunny tears. I mean they just wanted to belong. Somewhere. Anywhere.

. . .What. . . were . . . .we....Oh yeah.

Ok, lemonade. Now you are getting a little too comfortable with our relationship. You are just a bonehead! You are the one thinking that people want to drink black lemonade. Which Sarah noticed is actually blue. In your bonehead face.

What? Ok, two things here. One: No. You can't have me for life. You are trying way too hard. Two: You honestly thought "I better trademark that sweet ass skull and cross bones drawing!" You think that someone giving the opportunity to use anyones skull and crossbones that they would choose yours? I have seen better skulls drawn by children. Dead children. (sigh...too goth?)Now back to the trying too hard part. You know when you see a kid and all of his clothes are from Hot Topic. Like he really looks the scene. I feel the same way about those people as I do about this drink. You are trying to hard. It isn't about all that stuff on you. I get that you want people to think you are different. Great job. You've proved that all those people who's opinions don't matter to you DO in fact matter to you. Now quit wasting your parents money on glitter belts and lenore stickers and get a job at Wetzels Pretzels. Make something of yourself. (or at least give free lemonade to the mall goth girls. Maybe then they will notice you.-sigh.)

Ahhh. There is more? No this is your way out!!! You crappy novelty beverage.

S- Ugh. Tastes bad. This tastes like boogers.

d-Ugh. It tastes like bad lemon cleaner.

This is not a good product. Normally I try to make a joke but also recommend you try these things for yourself. Not today. Not here. This thing is all packaging and that isn't even great. The best part was pouring it down the drain. That looked kinda pretty. I give this drink a 0- we are all dying....constantly radiating decay (sigh)-out of 5.

*I forgot what she said this tasted like so when I woke her up from her nap to ask her, in a daze she gestured toward her nostril. So she doesn't eat boogers. That is my point.

S- (after waking from nap.) I said it tasted like stomach bile.

d-Oh yeah. It sure did taste like throw up.

I had to get this. First of all the label is really eye catching. Chai Cola? Are you kidding me? Yes please. (about the soda not the kidding) Tell me more.

Ok. Now the back here is a tad too hippy for my likes. That being said I am still very excited to try it.

S- Oh. This is pretty good.

d-I like this but it doesn't seem very bubbly.

S-I think it tastes bubbly. I wish I had some whisky to mix it with.

d-Maybe it is the teas that are mellowing the sharpness of the effervescence...or not. I like the flavor but I can't drink more than maybe 2-3 ounces of it. Not that it is bad it isn't but I am not a soda person.

S-Do I have any whisky?

d-(looks)

S-I don't. I know. (sad face.)

We give this beverage a 4.5-How is it weird to be pale but pumpkin colored people walking around is completely normal?-out of 5.

Oh snap. Did I use the "capturing sasquatch" lens on Instagram? No. Sadly I just really suck at taking pictures. Also I made that joke before. Also I am too lazy to even remove that joke so I just keep hammering away on the keyboard as if to create distance between me and that moment. Ugh. Well that ends this lovely little post.  Wow. Not to be too goth but this has to have been my least enjoyable post ever. Stay tuned next week! Maybe this blog will just become a goth food blog. Just recipes that involve pills and smoking cloves. See you on the other side.



*How many sighs did you count?

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Drink it all in, baby. (Seriously though, babys shouldn't drink these.)

When I first heard the saying "The I's have it." I really thought it was "The eyes have it." This is true and it made far more sense to me. I mean, we use our eyes to see what is around us and that in turn can greatly effect our well being. Is that clear? Sometimes I am not so clear. Ok, think about a fox. Like a real one not Michael J Fox. Although he is real as well just not what I want you to be picturing for this example. So there is a fox and it is peaking its head out of it's fox hole. (That is what it's home is called not a put down. "Hey stuff it up your fox hole!") As it looks around it sees things "-Rock. Ok cool, I am cool with rocks. -Tree. No problem, trees are pretty chill by and large. -Tree. That is nice. I like my trees to be in couples or even groupings. -Stream. Man, I didn't realize what a dope piece of real estate  I picked to make my fox hole. A fine piece of woodland landscape. Streams are not only an abundant source of fresh water but the sound can be quite soothing to my fox ears on those sleepless nights in my fox home. -Eagle. WTF!!! DANGER!!!! IT IS ONE OF THOSE DEMENTORS FROM HARRY POTTER THAT SWOOP DOWN AND KILL YOUR FOX A$$ES!!! I HATE THOSE NO ARM HAVING MO-FOs!!!!

Now I know you might be questioning somethings about my personification of a fox. Like "How does this fox know what real estate is? Where would a fox acquire knowledge about Harry Potter or why would it refer to its fox paws as arms? Those concerns are valid. Believe it or not-I am not an expert on foxes. My point is though that the fox is surveying it's surrounding to see if it is in danger or if everything is cool. Part of that process includes not only seeing the thing (i.e. Tree) for what it is but also having a label for it.

People do this as well. Part of the reason people need to label others is because their brain is trying to figure out if they are ok. Seriously. Everybody labels people and everybody judges people to some extent. You can take the most "good" person you can find and watch them as a filthy person with a crowbar saunters by their window. I bet if you could see in their brain there would be labels like "murderer", "homeless vagabond", etc.... The fact is, maybe that dudes car broke down and that crowbar is the nicest thing he has so he couldn't possibly leave it in there. Doesn't matter. Accurate or not, the brain is going to assess the situation and depending on who you are as a person and your own life experiences, it is going to apply a label.

I try not to judge. I try. It just isn't easy when we as people are so vastly different. Plus, my whole life I have been made aware that I was being judged and applied labels. I have been called "Jap" before. Which is not only racist but it is not accurate. I have been called "fag" possibly more than people have pronounced my name correctly when I have met them. Not that I met people and they thought my name was "fag"....Nevermind. The list goes on and on. My point is that while it can be hurtful to judge, it is in nature and it is in us. We can fight it all we want. Our brain doesn't care. It would be nice if people could keep it to themselves. That would be the polite thing to do. Right?

Whew. Now at this point in my rant I hope you have concluded our theme for this post. Labels and what the appearance is communicating. Rightly or not. Oh, and this is a beverage post so we will be looking at 3 bevvys and a bonus bevvy at the end. The 1-5 scale for this post will be my own conclusions on what I see daily. Oh yes, there will be judgements.

Our first beverage was procured by my wife and I when we went to a new cheese shop that opened in PDX recently called "Cheese Bar". The food was pretty delicious but they had like ten people working there (one of whom I suspected was the lead singer from The Flaming Lips-JUDGED!) and everything seemed pretty shaky in the customer service department. Thats the case though when places first open and then they sort their sh*t out usually. As we were ordering, my lovely wife saw this drink on their beverage list. It is rose scented water from Portland. That was all I needed to know and I ordered it.

Now lets look at that label. Ugh. Who designed this, the actual nineties? Like that decade, while listening to La Bouche and Primus simultaneously, sat down and designed this label. It obviously wasn't looking at what it was doing. Most likely because In Living Color was on. (Kinda sounds like I am judging right? Thats because I am.)

The taste of this product is good if not pretty great. That is the maddening thing about the label. It doesn't do the product justice. If I had seen it's weird cartoony appearance I probably wouldn't have ordered it. The drink has a nice floral bouquet without tasting like grandma. To balance the subtle rose essence is a very slight sweetness. I can't stress this slightness enough because I would have hated it if was too sweet. The balance of everything was dead on. A solid and interesting drink with an unfortunate face.

I give this libation a 4-Whenever I see anyone in sweatpants I hear them say, in my head "Ah, I give up."-out of 5. (Not that they give up on their appearance but on life in general. Think about it. Don't get all "but its comfortable..." Are you going to workout somewhere and sweat in your sweatpants? No. And getting the cookie sweats because you are in cookie withdrawl or have consumed so many cookies that you are in fact sweating cookies DOESN'T COUNT. Use your dumb lazy thumbs and button some pants on. It is a zipper. It goes straight up. How difficult can you actually find that? Are you even aware of what people have to do around the world on a daily basis? And somehow they still muster up the strength to wear pants. Yet you can't be bothered with a non elastic waist band? -BIGGEST SIGH IN THE WORLD)

Moving on to beverage number 2. We have Kitty Piddle. Wait what? It has been a few years but I think that is french for cat pee. I am sorry. Le Chat Pisse. We found this selection at FIZZ which is a new soda counter and nostalgic candy haven in PDX. I don't remember if I said this in the last post but check out this place. The decor is not what I would have picked but the hand drawn sodas are delicious. 

Time to give that label a gander. Hmmm. This is difficult. On one hand I do love a pun "sodasgusting.." on the other hand I feel like the label is a tad crowded in the center. Personally I would like the joke to be up top then the cat and then the company but that is just me. I also wish the flavor was on the side or the back. You know, keep'em guessing. Trick the person to pick it up and check it out close up. Chance are if they did that than they get the joke and once it is in their hand they are 100% more likely to buy it. (*% based on no facts or proof) I do like the simplicity of the background thus allowing the pee colored liquid to really sell this beverage.

 Now on to taste. I couldn't tell you that it is Pineapple and orange. To me it tastes like my mouth tastes about 15 minutes after eating a chewable vitamin C. I am guessing that the pineapple is used as a sweetener. To some effect. At this point I have had three drinks and I am done with it. I have barely depleted the neck of the bottle. It isn't bad. Sweet soda just isn't my thing. Should I judge it and fault it for that? I am tempted, sure. But no. I won't say that it has a creepy vitamin/mineral situation or that it is pretty sickening. I won't. I will take the high road and just say "If this is what kitty piddle tastes like then I am right to not have drank any up to this point." Also would it have killed them to make it smell like a meth lab? Oh right, this is for kids. 

I give this drank a  1.5-If you are wearing pajama pants out then you should die. It is not a complicated scenario. You are obviously such a go getter that you bought pants to sleep in. In the event that your important lifestyle rears its ugly head, you can leap from your bed and rush to your local Walgreens in order to procure a gallon of Malted Milkballs or a 100 pack of hair ties. You bought pants. To sleep in BUT you can't be bothered to wear ACTUAL pants. That is so f*cking ridiculous. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SLIPPERS!!!!PICK UP YOUR FEEEEEEET!!!!-out of 5. 

(*The corn syrup aspect of this soda clings to your mouth for 30+ minutes. Blech.)

Oh no. Oh why? Seriously? Buffalo Wing Soda. This was found at Fizz as well. I think it is safe to say that we are deep in the novelty sodas now. I have seen those turkey dinner soda packs from Jones soda. I haven't ever had them but apparently I am going to have this. A buffalo wing soda. Great. I frankly can't even imagine how this came into existence if not by tragic accident. This is how I imagine it went down "Hey Lester! This new soda tastes less like orange pop and more like buffalo wings. Like way more like buffalo wings. Ok it only tastes like buffalo wings. buffalo wings." (*Lester and his friend are both foxes. Just kidding. Look at Lester. Sheesh. He looks so old that he was around when the term "molester" was coined. Imagine how that made him feel. "Oh great, my name is the root of a terrible terrible word." "Maybe if I wear these smart looking glasses... Oh no! I made it worse!)

First lets approach the label. It is ugly. That chicken leg looks jacked up. I will give them points for making the buffalo wing actual size but then I flush those points down the toilet along with my purged mouthful of buffalo wing soda. I get what they are going for here, design wise. I just am  not a fan of that fake shadow behind letters. It isn't fooling anybody lester. Your letters aren't floating and your idea might be original but I have those all the time. That doesn't make them good. Trust me. Your label tells me: don't drink this. Yet for the sake of this post I have to.

First off let me say this: Screw you Lester. Shove this in your fox hole. Your label may say "Made in America" but this tastes like it was made in Mexico. It smells like sugar soda water and something else I can't quite place. Oh yes, moccasins. FINALLY! It tastes at first like an orange soda slightly. Just a slight touch of sweetness and then it turns on your mouth. A seriously weird, pungent, and vaguely meaty taste appears. Hence the kick-in of the ole gag reflex. Then the last wave of flavor-a horrid cayenne pepper taste mixed with burnt dirt or used clown make-up or something evil and it lingers in your mouth. My eyes watered like I was having a Bacon Tab. Lucky for me I had a bottle of Kitty Piddle sitting by the sink and I quickly rinsed my mouth out with it. (*I would seriously have used actual cat pee if it was the only option at that point.) If you have an enemy, buy this and steam the label off of it and put an orange soda label on it. I think it will kill them. I really do.

Why does this exist? Novelty? I am sorry but no. Novelty requires some sense of fun. You know, like fake wax lips or fake vomit. Not a drink that tastes like real vomit. (Although I bet you could marinate meat in this and bbq it. Maybe? Why bother.) I give this substance a 0- Take that stupid animal ear hat off your head. You are a 30 something lady not that mousey 20 something that used to date a guy on a scooter. AND no getting Betty Page bangs won't make you look any younger. Just age like a human. You had your shot. Now move on.-out of 5.

I'd like to thank you for your patronage and wish you well but I am still to enraged by Lester still. So here is a bonus beverage for your consumption.

I saw this on a recent trip to Foster Market which is my local beer and wine shop. Their shelves are stocked with cheap beer and things barely considered wine. Lets just say that if you are buying wine here than you are to drunk to drive to an actual store or you have never had decent wine. Regardless, on this trip with Mark we saw this drink. Since Dave and Mark were filming for Vanuary at our house I bought this for Dave to try. We kinda have a history of trying terrible malt beverages so this seemed par for the course. (See what I did there?)

In case you don't know what an Arnold Palmer is, it is a drink of 50% lemonade and 50% ice tea. (*No proof of % requirements) That being said it tasted like they put the first 50% in of malt beverage. Then put in the second 50% of malt beverage. Then realized their mistake and poured some out and added a touch of iced tea. It is metallic and malt beveragy. (not a word.) It tastes like somebody poured part of their forty into an Arizona Tea can. Mmmm. If the original Arnold Palmer is perfect for refreshment on the golf course then this drink id perfect for a drunk wanting to pass out on the golf course. (Well played. If I do say so myself.)

It is not good. It is not fun. It is hobo arnold palmer. I sent that as a tag line for the beverage. Still waiting to hear back. Till next time, fingers crossed!

They should have made this drink really difficult to open and said "You can't drink an Arnold Palmer unless you can get a hole in one!" Eh?????? Still got it.

.fOOrD BLOrG. drinks ov the sun

Yeah, so I am aware that the weather is getting warmer. People are so starved for the sun. Yadda yadda yadda. I don't have seasonal depression. I don't get sad from the rain. I love the rain. I love the grey. I love living in PDX. See where I and others differ is the sun.

When the sun comes out it brings things......things like men in open toed shoes, shirtless men with misshapen bodies, thighs-why can't people keep their thighs hidden?, street musicians ( There is a reason people aren't paying to hear your music. You shouldn't punish unsuspecting citizens with your horrid bleating) and pollen. Yes, rain not only keeps Californians from moving here and making PDX a series of strip malls and terra cotta but the rain also keeps pollen out of the air. It is about the time people start talking about pretty flowers that I can't see anymore. My eyes get even redder and puffy and I look like a stoner. Great. The sun also does one other thing-it makes people thirsty. Which brings us to our first bevvy-
I didn't know there was a fruit called that either. Sarah and I found this at Fubon on 82nd. I have no idea why it is called ice drink. It is just juice. Weird tasting juice. Pretty much it tasted like raspberries and something like a strawberry. The weird part is it kinda coated your mouth like milk but there is no milk. Hmmm. Suspicious. I give this drink 3 backrolls showing thru an Old Navy tube top out of 5. Below is their description-
Next is another flavor from Sarah and I's favorite mint water producing company 'Metromint'.
Sick.
This drink tastes like amoxacilan. (Yea I know I spelled that wrong. I ain't no farm-a-cyst.) Seriously this stuff is neither fun nor refreshing to drink. It tastes like bad mint and crappy candy. If it had a salt aspect to it I'd think it came from Mexico. It is that bad. It gets 2 fire engine red skinned gingers trying to have fun at the beach out of 5.
What is that right? This can is so bewildering. It is almost like they wanted to sell on curiosity alone. Like have the label ask more questions than answer them. Milkis? Wha? Is it milk? Does it have bubbles? Melon flavored? Why does that man have a top hat which says sophistacated and a ballon which reads child like fun? Lets pour it in a glass and inspect-
Huh? Ok enough delay. This drink is surprisingly good. It is lightly carbonated. It does have some milk powder in the recipe and it does taste just like fresh melon. It is pretty fun as well. However I didn't want to drink the whole can. A few sips was just fine for me. This beverage gets 4 your butt is eating your short shorts out of 5.
So hat to do with the leftover Milkis? Well it is getting to be summer-
If you have never frozen something carbonated what happens is the bubbles leave little flavor tubes throughout. It makes a popsicle way better and lighter feeling. That doesn't mean a beer shaved ice is a good idea. Trust me.

Note* All of these beverages were acquired with the awesome Sarah who now has a blog of her own. Be a deer and check her out @ http://sarahspicymarshall.blogspot.com/

.FOOrD BLOrG. The Revenge of Dr. Pete

This week's post is about small things. Life is really like a series of small things that we perceive as our own unified experience. Am I right? Seriously, am I? Because I have no idea what I was talking about for a second there . I was holding a crystal and listening to Tangerine Dream while taking my Biji when I think I entered a wormhole. Really, I just want to catch up on a few things and life gave me a fantastic experience to share with you. Yup. Get ready to be all shared on. (hmmm)

So chances are a few of you know this story but for those who didn't witness it please sit back and enjoy. What you see in the picture above is a flavor bottle for our new Sodastream machine. Yes it is called Dr. Pete. I think you know why. That is right, little pete is all grown up and he went to med school where he graduated at the top of his class. Now you can drink him.

(it is either that or Dr. Pepper was taken...)When I opened the box for the sodastream I found this flavor and posted it on Path saying something like "who is dr. pete?" Well I found out who he is. He is the man (or woman, sorry about your name) who brings the party!!!

It was easter and Sarah was obliging Dave by making him the Dr. Pete soda. Marisa, Daniel, and I were conversing about traversing the space time continuum or the Harlem Globetrotters or why caterpillars are called caterpillars since they don't look like pillars and they barely cater. (I don't recall which one.) So Sarah has made numerous bottles of sparkling water, just business as usual. Or was it? Because we didn't know it but when you use the sodastream to make a flavored soda you add the flavor after. Yep. After. What happens if you don't? I will tell you.

It explodes.

Luckily there were no casualties except like ten towels and everyones clothes. About the third or 5th time Sarah pushed the bubble button (don't call it that in front of the sodastream, it is very body conscious) it began spraying her with Dr. Pete at a high velocity. It was at this point I believe that she lost her visibility and froze. She stood there in the vicious onslaught of carbonated spray motionless. Yea, she didn't move an inch but what she did do made my life.

She laughed harder and wilder than I have heard her laugh maybe ever. (Now you might not know this because I don't post my private business on the interwebs and social networks but my favorite thing is making her smile and ultimately laugh. Seeing her happy is my number one everything wether I had something to do with it or not.) So there she froze completely unaware that the sodastream shot up into the ceiling and crashed to the floor right next to her. We all saw it and were so glad that she wasn't injured! That f-in thing is heavy. But she didn't, she instead roared with laughter and was soaked in Dr. Pete. Dr. Pete sprayed all over our spices, the ceiling, the cabinets, anyone in the kitchen, the floor.....ok, everything. And it was sticky. The witnesses were all troopers and laughed and helped clean up. (esp. Marisa who is a stand up gal.) How was it?

Well, Dave tried it from a glass and said it tasted like flat Dr. Pepper. Yes, Sarah blew the bubble right out of that Dr. Pete. I tried it off of my arms and it did taste like Dr. Pepper (and arms). So long story short, the sodastream is alive and well but we are rather cautious of it. Like a child who loves the ocean but gets knocked down by a wave. Then the child has a new respect for the ocean. (or it is a big fat crybaby. it is just an ocean.) Only our ocean experience tasted like 23 unique flavors (mine tasted like 23 and arms).

(The sodastream was 99 dolars and if the box had told me this would happen and Sarah would laugh that hard I would have paid 200)

Whoa, wait we are still going after that? We are but I will keep it short I just have some bits to share with you. Yes more sharing of bits. The above beer was found for me by Sarah. I had asked for a special beer for the weekend and she found me this not so little devil. It was fermented with honey and was amber in color. Sadly, that is all I recall of this beer. I know I finished it and I remember the honey lingering on the palette. Personally I like the label. Next!
This is a beer form Astoria. Eh? Not great. Not terrible. How is that for specific? I finished it. Medium bodied and a tad tinny. Whoah!!! Hey look who it is!!!!

..............................................................................................................................................
Why it is Brian Mumford!!!!!!!!! The nicest man on the planet and a musical gem to boot!

(Don't eat him. I now this is mostly a foord blorg) *go see Dragging an Ox through water or one of his other smart musical outfits.

And lastly,
"THE BOY WHO COULD FLY" IS AN AWESOME MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No jokes kids. Fred Savage, tootie from Facts of Life? Come the funk on!!! Trust me when I say give it a re-watch!

.FOOrD BLOrG. Drink it...or don't.

Have you ever thought this '' I'd like to have the option of having the taste in my mouth as if I had licked an old ladies wig EVEN if there isn't a willing old lady around.'' Me neither. But if you know someone who is into that kind of thing, well, here you go-First of all, let me say that this drink is hard to swallow.....and smell. It is disgusting. It actually tastes like if you asked an old bald lady to jog around her walker and then lifted her wig and licked her sweaty forehead. I really wish I could sell this better but I can't fathom who this drink is for. Sarah bought this in NYC on our recent trip and all I can say is that I hope the thousand other items we bought taste one billion times better than this sickening concoction. I will keep this post short and revolting...like anyone from Jersey.

.FOOrD BLOrG. My new favorite libation!!!

Let me start off this post by admitting that I have been thinking of stopping the blorg and going back to only illustrations. I thought this would be enjoyed by more people but I haven't heard much from anyone about even finding these little eats and drinks interesting. But if you are the one person who enjoys it don't fret I still have a few great things to report on. Now on to this impromptu post about my new passion in life. Flemish sour ales.

This is the first sour ale I found and I found it at Pastaworks on Hawthorne. It was 4 dollars for one 12 ounce bottle. Spendy? Yes. Worth it? Yes. I had heard about this type of beer but never sought it out because I heard that it has alot of cherry flavor and I don't like cherries. There are an impressive amount of information about the production of sour ales or beers online so I won't bother you with that because all you need to know is IT IS GOOD!

1- slight sweet nose.

2-Whoa. I was expecting a beery flavored beer. Not even close. A thin mouth feel not big bodied or foamy. Tiny bubbles enhance the light sour flavor.

3-This is like champagne almost. Sinfully delicious. It is good that this is only 5% alcohol because this goes down smooth. Being that it is so very refreshing and the complexity is so intriguing and sour that the second the flavor recedes from your pallette you go back for another drink.

This beverage was good but I had my sights set on the grandaddy of sour ales. See there is one place where they age the beer in giant casks and they are renouned for their beer craft. I am referring to Rodenbach. We made a special trip to Beer Mongers on Division and 12th and purchased the limited edition 2007 in a beautiful champagne type bottle for 16 bones.

Holy crap! If you are thinking that 16 bux is too much you are sooooo wrong. Ok so here is the thing, I like drinking beer because it is cold and refreshing. That is why I choose it over wine every time. You might be saying 'well, white wine is served cold." Yes, but my palette doesn't find white wine enjoyable. Champagne however is good BUT a sparkling red blows my mind. Rodenbach is like beer plus sparkling red. It is heavenly. If I was rich I would have this in my fridge at all times. This bevvy is sooo good that I just stood in the kitchen with my good friend Keith and we just stared at our glasses in between drinks of it. 16 dollars to share something special with friends is worth every penny. If you don't agree then chances are you are an a-hole. Sorry you had to find out that from a food blog.

Normally this is where I would break down the experience but there is no point. If you are still reading this buy it for yourself you deserve it and if you have a friend who likes beer or fine wine buy it for them. The flavor is sour yet complex with cranberry, cherry, oak notes....or something....I can't think about it anymore I am making myself drink crazy!!!!!!whew....sorry. Till next time.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Coagulating confusion*

This beverage obviously comes from Japan and it's appeal is that it is liquid that you shake and then have a jello like snack. Yes, a drink you punish into a meal. Interesting. The second I saw this I knew I had to have it but once I had it I was a tad scared of its outcome. Here is a retelling of the 'enjoyment' of it.....

1-I shook the crap out of this thing and then cracked the cap and it smelt like muscat or a real pungent grape scent usually attributed to Japanese snacks.

2-It poured out like viscous spew into the glass. Nowhere near a solid not even close. It tasted like...nothing really. The scent was oddly deceptive as the taste was more thick saliva texture than grape taste.

3-While pondering how this after taste was like someone ate good candy and then 20 min.s later spit into my mouth adding insult to injury that I had no candy. All the while shaking the crap out of this demon drink again. 2 plus minutes later we went round 2.

3.5- F-ing disgusting and still nowhere near solid. At this point Sarah smelled it and said 'It smells like something you'd like.' But then she tasted it and screamed 'looougies!'.
In the above picture you can see a grape explaining to you that if someone gives you grapes then beat the sh*t out of those grapes until they become what you want.....also he says something about maracas. Below you can see disappointment in liquid form. Quite similar to that slime in Ghostbusters 2 that made the statue of liberty dance or something...it just made me sad. This drink not Ghostbusters 2. Ok that made me sad too. I admit that perhaps in not speaking Japanese that I did something wrong in the preparation but all I found online said shake it and it becomes jello. So if you have had a different outcome than please let me know....not that I will try it. I will just buy a jello cup next time. Thanks.

.FOOrD BLOrG. *drinky

I know, scary right? A freakin' dragon breathing fire on a beer! Yes that is eye catching but what really made me want to pick this up is that it said DARK HEFF on it. I haven't ever seen a dark heff before. I couldn't quite figure out what it would be like so I had to try it.

1- Smells a bit like honey.

2- Delicious. A surprise for sure. I didn't get a super wheaty taste at all. Not to dark either.

3-For me this is a great winter beer because I don't want a super heavy beverage. In fact if you cut this with lemonade I bet it would be awesome.

4- Not a huge lingering flavor. Crisp, clean, and well balanced. Not bad for a 1.25 a bottle.

I found this at City Market on NW 21st. Sorry I don't have anything amusing to tell you about it. It was good. I want more.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Evil Bevies

*First of all I'd like to apologize to my faithful few readers who choose to peruse this blog with their peepers. I need to get my posts up with some kind of schedule in mind. Maybe select a day each week that new content will be added. I am putting it out there so expect that kind of commitment in the future. Now onto this edition!*Here we are at Halloween weekend! My goal initially was to do posts regarding seasonal treats. But I didn't find that many beers that were spook centric enough to compose a post. So here are 2 and a dessert in honor of Halloween!!! Also known as fall festival if you are a stick in the mud.

This first beer was Sarah spotted at the new New Seasons on Division here in PDX. With this holiday in mind and backed by the fact that I have never had a black ale I bought it. Now to be honest I think the label has a bit of a douche factor. Like Ed Hardy clothes or any club where men have dragons on their button front shirts and $200 distressed jeans. Cheesy. Also, I don't drink a large amount of dark beer so keep that in mind all of you. Yea, all of you. (see that is funny to me because...well, nevermind)
1-No real dense dark smell from the bottle. I poured it into a glass and it was dark but not impenetrable by light like say Guiness.

2-For my first black ale, I'd say they are ok. Not overly soy saucey like some dark beers. But a full flavor for sure. I am trying to go into great depth about the complex notes but I have no idea what the complex notes of dark beers are. My bad.

3-After the 2nd and third drink it really lingers on the ole palette.

4- After a pints worth I had drank enough. It was sort of filling and became more of a task than fun.

So would I buy it again? Nope. But if you like dark beers I'd say try it and let me know if this is a good one. For all I know my opinion is as accurate as if you gave a glass of 1975 Bordeaux to someone who drinks Boones regularly. mOVING ON!
This was an easy selection cuz it has a freakin' devil on it!! I did pause for a moment when purchasing it because it was $3.25 which is funny to me. In a bar you wouldn't stop and think 3 bucks for a beer no way. Most likely you would just give the bartender your card and say 'where I am going I don't need numbers..." Or something to that effect. But there was a second thing about the appearance of this beer that aided in its inclusion. IT HAS AN ALCOHOL LEVEL OF 13%!!!!!!!!!!!!Of course I was sceptical of even liking it especially once I saw the strange cloudy liquid that poured from the bottle.
Yea, that stuff is not see thru. Questionable.

1-Smells of funk. Sarah said it smelled of dirty sponge.

2- Upon tasting it, I thought I might be tricking my self by focusing on the alcohol content. It tasted like Steel Reserve with rotten cider in it. And that is putting it politely.

3-It officially took 3 drinks of this before I waived my white flag and introduced it to our kitchen drain. (In my youth I would have yelled 'STRIKE LIKE A NINJA' and downed it but after a smoked beer and some questionable reindeer in SF I now think twice.)

I don't believe that it is possible to make beer that tastes good after you cross a certain point with alcohol content. There is a reason why hobo beer tastes like hobo beer. Hobo's don't care if it tastes like metal and rubbing alcohol as long as it kicks them in the brain. I however like to enjoy a bevvy I am drinking. Buy this? Nope. Not even for those white gloved hobos in the south west hills.
Now for dessert STRAWBERRY BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other night our pals Keith and Erin came over and I opened this lovely bevvy so that we all might have a taste. (I'd also like to note that both ladies were drinking whisky and I was excited about a strawberry beer....not so stereotypical)

1-Smells like strawberry jam. We all agreed on that.

2-Keith thought it tasted like soda or punch but not beer.

Erin said it tasted like mixed berry st.ides.

Sarah said it was her fave so far.

Yours truly found it quite delicious.

I will stop there because really all of those things are true. It had a pleasent aroma and a really smooth fun fruity flavor. This wouldn't be a wise choice for a whole evening of bevvys but a fun start or interlude for sure. By far one of the more successful fruit and beer combos that I have had. Oh and this one is from BEER MONGERS as well. So there we have it, three more beverages. I have the next 6 posts lined up and I feel sort of overwhelmed like I am behind schedule but I am also really excited. If you would like to be a guest mouf just let me know.

.FOOrD BLOrG. BEERZIES BEERZIES BEERZIES

Recently while trying to find a place to eat lunch that is outside our current trend of food desires I discovered a beer mart that I did not know existed. Beer Mongers on 12th and Division in good ole PDX. Yeah, I was pretty excited and it turns out they have been open a year....which is weird that I have never heard of it. In any case I told Sarah and she said 'well, we better go!'. Yeah, awesome wife points!!!! So this edition of FOOrD BLOrG is some gems from that trip. Oh and the guest mouth is yet again the fantastic Dave. Here we go:
I know, I was excited too! Acai (ah say ee) beer? Oh how I have longed for antioxidants and beer in the same gulp. Gettin' good and healthy drunk right!?! Sure I could hold out for EMERGEN-C BREEZE or Jaeger NOW WITH OMEGA-3! But instead I bought this big boy.
1- The smell was not overly sweet or beery. I thought.

2- Tastes of berry. Not really tangible were the Acai notes. Both Dave, Sarah, and I agreed that

it was a stand alone beer unlike McMenamin's Ruby which needs some Terminator Stout in it.

3-Pretty delicious. We all three would drink it again. It looks dark in color but is rather light on the palette.

4- Little to no after taste. Granted I followed this beer with another type of beer but overall I recommend this bevvy to anyone who enjoys a big flavor fruity beer.

Lastly, the following picture is to illustrate the color for you all.
Next up we have a dark beer. Now I know it isn't even Halloween yet so drinking a beer called HUMBUG is a bit premature but Sarah liked the scary eyes on the label and frankly so did I.
This beer is dark. And normally I like to orchestrate my drinking like a well choreographed ballet of booze. Which would mean I start out heavy or strong and finnish light. However since Dave was over at this point I figured what the heck and opened this bottle up and split it into two cups. Two D's two cups!

1-Smells of soy sauce notes and the respectable bouquet of a winter ale.

2- Tastes of...well, the above mentioned culprits. Not sweet, not overly dry. Pretty one note depth wise. Not in a bad way since some beers, dark or otherwise really set out to do allot. Which isn't bad, I am not afraid of complexities just saying it was pretty smooth.

3- I don't know what to tell you other than I finished it. I think it may have been a bit late for Dave to have a meal beer but he didn't say anything bad about it.

4- A lingering dark beer melange. Artsy eh?

Lastly, sure go for it if dark beer is your bag. One was enough for me, thanks but I will take my four bucks somewhere else. In closure of this beverage here is a photo of the dark brew.
The third and final beer of this post was selected based on the demon on the bottle. I know this drink isn't difficult to come by. I have seen it in stores before but never was compelled to buy it for some reason. I mean I am cool with beer and demons and beer demons but for some reason never tried this. Well last night I gave this demon a run for its....demon....dollars. hmmm.
While the other beers were larger or BOUS (beers of unusual size) and there for more attractive in a way I still picked up this beer and dumped it into the fire swamp of my stomache.

1- A sweet beer smell. Didn't expect that from a demon. I expected scorned soul or the breath of the damned perhaps but sweet..huh?

2- Dry mid to light beer. Pungent but not skunky.

3- Gets smoother. Not amazing but not water beer either.

Overall, I don't see the connection between the demon and the beer. So as for a halloween brew I'd still recommend the obvious choice DEAD GUY. The placement of the demon seems like a way to dude up the brew which is a turn off for me. I will drink a bellini! I don't care if it looks fruity or not. But who knows, maybe Bawls will make a beer. Can't wait for that label!!!!