.FOOrD BLOrG. Grape Expectations.

Ah, expectations. We all have them. It is like when Ernest was in those commercials in the 80s and then somebody decided to make a full length Ernest movie. We all expected it would be SO good. You didn't? Well, my friend Aaron and I did. We went the first week, if not opening day. We loved it. However, we also each had a tiny squirt gun and spent most of the movie scampering about the theater while the only other person (a full grown man of weight) chortled from the darkness. I bet you didn't expect that I would be telling you about Ernest Goes To Camp in a snack blog. Yet here we are. 

Our favorite part of that cinematic tour DE force was when the turtles parachute and one says "I am scared Sarge!" and another turtle replies "We are all scared son!" That scene is about as long as a commercial. Aaron and I filled the downtime of the movie by amusing ourselves. Somehow all of these elements of the environment, the weird guy who didn't have any kids but was at a kids movie (red flag),  and the film itself, all became one thing. One thing that we thought was great. We got what we expected, for brief moments, like the commercials that the movie was based on. Our expectations were satiated. It was a great time to be a kid. Know what I mean?

Today we are talking about one flavor. Yes, for the first time in this odd little blogs history, we aren't talking about a type of snack but a single flavor. Grape. Now these snacks were not pretested or compiled. They were merely part of the treasure chest of acquired snacks and S said "These are all grape flavored. Why not do a grape post?" Brilliant. 

Today's 1-5 scale is brought to you by childhood expectations of the future.

Alright. So this snack is not a rare one. Hi-Chew is easy to find these days. Even some 7-11's carry  Hi-Chew flavors. However, it is a good place to start when talking about grape flavored candy. I have yet to have a Hi-Chew that I didn't like. Do you remember Bonkers? They had a commercial where a lady would eat a candy and a giant fruit would crash through the ceiling and land on her. No? Well they looked just like Hi-Chew. One color on the outside and another on the inside. I am not sure what purpose this serves. I suppose it is purely aesthetic. Like tribal tattoos on dudes or tramp stamps on....women of the night. (I always thought that the best tramp stamp would be a belly button. People would be so confused.)

Upon opening the outer wrapper you can really smell a pungent aroma of grape. Do you remember grape Hubba Bubba? It is like that. If you don't remember Hubba Bubba then try remembering grape Bubble Tape. No? Do you recall commercials telling you the dangers of inhalants because that stuff can severely mess up your brain and memory. (hint hint)

S- This is really grape. I like the two colors. This is fun. I don't care for the waxy white paper though. I give it a 4 out of 5.

d- Yep. I like Hi-Chew. They always have good flavor. This has a nice chew not unlike a taffy. It's great. I give it a 4.5- flying cars. People always expect that the future will bring flying cars. Sorry people but flying cars aren't going to ever....fly. Why? Think about it. What killed the electric car? Gas companies. (I am pretty sure. I never saw the documentary. I think we already know what types of movies I have been watching and they are not in the same wheelhouse as environmental documentaries. Unless there is one called Earnest Saves The Electric Car.) So with the flying car you have to think about those huge tire companies. Flying cars don't use tires. Everyone knows that they hover and then fly around. Tire companies control more than what you know, man. What is the number one cereal? Cheerios. What are Cheerios shaped like? Tires. What is the most common shape for a child to learn first? Circle. What is a circle? A tire.  Most clocks are round. What else is round? Tires. Most clocks are tires. You get it. (After I post this blog, should I go missing....tires.)

When creating a brand it is important to clearly communicate what your product is to the consumers. So here we have Grape Candy which is a grape....candy. Huh. Well done. We can also see that it is "A fresh and tasty grape." Not to be confused with a similar product that was aiming for "an old and nasty grape." Those are just raisins. (Raisins are not that grape. See what I did there?) What you can't quite make out from the photo is that it says "Grape in love. Have a sweet flavor."

Now either something is lost in translation here or this is the best way to start and end every conversation.

There is also an odd drawing on the bottom of the bag that says "Save the Children." Next to that there is an illustration of one kid doing a handstand and another drinking.  I am not sure how much sweet flavor these children are having but they are clearly too grape in love and need to be saved. I can't read any of the details so all I know is that there are children somewhere and they need assistance. Lets look on the back of the bag.

Well this isn't any help. Unless the bag is telling me that these expired a year ago. Is that what it says in the far right corner? No, my right. Yeah, there. I don't know either. Lets just open it up.

Well the candy just looks like a hard candy. There are like 40 candies in here which isn't usually the best sign. Lets see how it tastes.

S- Hmmm. Well, I wouldn't say this is anything special. There is a mild grape flavor. Not really anything to talk about here. I guess it gets a 3 out of 5. It is what it says, just a "grape candy."

d- This is just an average grape candy. Usually I love anything grape but this is less interesting than a Jolly Rancher. There needs to be some acidity or something and the longer I eat it the more chemical the taste becomes. I don't really care for this. I mean it isn't the worst. (Bacon Tabs were the worst. Go read that post. Trust me.) I give this snack a 2- Mohawks and shoulder pads. One of my favorite film genres (I like to call ) Future-past movies. These films (made in the late 1960s-80s) usually take place after a nuclear situation has ruined civilization and they are set in the future. Like the year 1999!!! There is always a dude (or twenty) with intricate hair like a Mohawk that is one side neon pink and the other jet black, and no shirt. In place of a shirt, football shoulder pads. You know, because if you are going to ride through the dessert (oh, the whole world is a dessert by the way) on a motorcycle made mostly of chainsaws with a ridiculous weapon like a wrist crossbow (Why would you need a good weapon? Did you forget about your chainsaw motorcycle?) you only need to protect your shoulders. I mean you wouldn't want to mess up your mohawk. (Notice only one mode of transportation exists in this future. Tires.)-out of 5.

Alright, so next we have E-ma. This is our third grape snack and it also hails from Japan. I will get to what this is all about but first look at that guy. What is his deal? You know what is weird is that his head looks like how I remember that guy in the audience when Aaron and I saw Ernest Goes To Camp. That is good news, he got healthy and learned a second language. I didn't expect that to happen.

So this snack is made of layers of real fruit juice and it has a layer of xylitol gum and the center is vitamin C. Whoa.

Ok. The smell here is super grapey.

S-Wow. It is making me salivate! Was I supposed to chew it? This is really interesting.

d- After a second it has a great acidic sour grape flavor. Then moments later that fades and then a different almost deeper flavor happens. I chewed it. I am confused.

S-(second tasting) I get a lot of grape flavor and then my mouth tingles. Then I get sour notes. There are waves of different experiences. The Japanese really know what they are doing. I love this. 5 out of 5.

d-(second tasting) I agree.

I give this snack a 5-Pills. The futuristic expectation that we won't need to eat anything anymore. That all of our nutrients will come in the form of a pill. Remember The Jetsons? They ate pills all the time. Sadly this isn't true still. Why you ask? Where does food come from? A farm. What is on a farm? A tractor. What is on a tractor? Tires. Yeah. This runs deep. Tires, bro. Tires.-out of 5.

Next up is Candemina! This snack also comes from Japan which begs the question:

What is this guy doing here? I mean I can see that he is vigorously playing the maracas but why? This gummy isn't trying to be a traditional Hispanic candy. (If you read this blog then you know how I feel about most of those. El sad face.) The name certainly doesn't translate into "maraca man." Maybe the candy looks like maracas.

Nope. It sure looks delicious though. (At this point you may have noticed that the photos lately look so much better. Well, S has taken over in the picture dept. and now everything looks rad. Thanks S.) Again the aroma when opening the bag (which is resealable) it says "Hey, maybe savor this. Don't be such a pig. I mean you can but now you have the option.") is really pungently grape.

S- This smells awesome. It has a lot of texture as you chew it. This candy also has a very fun shape. This might be the best grape flavor yet. 5 out of 5 even though the Spanish looking Asian man is quite confusing.

d-I had to chew it 8 times before my teeth pierced it. This has awesome flavor and a great chew. One of the top gummy candies I have ever eaten. (Not quite as high as the Pure gummy candies but close.) I give this snack a 5- Hairstyle. As a kid I always assumed that as an adult I would have the coolest hair though as of late it has become quite boring. Looking over pics of me in the last 15 years one might assume that I was either heavily into anime or a lady heavily into ladies. I am neither but that is the tricky thing about expectations. You should never build expectations off how something looks or you could be mislead by a faux hawk or a possibly Asian and or Hispanic maraca playing man.-out of 5.

This is not a sex toy.

Please look at that diagram and let me say again, this is not a sex toy.

Our last snack is the Pucho variety gummy snack. This comes in a three pack. (So you will see this in the future in a different flavor. Unless I just eat them because it is delicious.) This flavor is grape and yogurt. I am pretty sure. Not 100 percent sure, but pretty sure. Now I have no idea why this candy is shaped in this rigged tube or what that diagram is supposed to mean. I thought maybe it was saying you could invert the lid and it would pop up. You know, like those toy discs? However, it has been 4 minutes and it is just sitting there upside down. I feel bad because look at that cute little face. I just messed that dude up. (I am pretty tough.)

When I opened the tube I can smell grape-like aromas but there is also something else. Possibly the yogurt flavor.

S-Um. I don't know. This is difficult to say. I guess that the purple one might be grape. It kinda tastes like grape. I think the clear one tastes like vitamin C. I am not impressed and it isn't grape enough. I give it a 2-out of 5. In part due to the fact that you called it a butt plug.

d- I did say that. The purple is chewy and about as grape as a generic fruit snack. The clear one is not yogurt unless you tell somebody that they are eating a yogurt flavored candy while they eat it. Even then it isn't very convincing. I give it a 2- Careers. As a child I expected that by the time I reached my 30's, that despite having no musical talent or a singing voice, I would be a famous musician. Which would mean that people I don't know would look at me. That is a total nightmare and the opposite of what would make me happy. Instead I am eating candy and making jokes on the Internet in hopes it makes you smile. At least a little bit.-out of 5.

So far the future might not be what you expected but it is pretty grape in love.

Have a sweet flavor.

.fOOrD BLOrG. Small things may surprise you.

All my life I have been of small stature. This never bothered me. I never had a Napoleon complex or was one of those angry little men. This point of view is all I know since I wasn't small and grew tall or was tall and was shrank on accident by a device built by Rick Moranis. (Yet...) An interesting thing about size though is it can be deceiving. Something smaller can surprise you. For instance, Sarah and I were on a walk once-up some sketchy steps-thru a weird woods area and suddenly a squirrel blocked our path and refused to move. It was a stand off. You would think something smaller (although it had a big cranium) facing two people much larger would scurry away. (I would, I love to scurry.) But it stood its ground in a menacing way. Now we had traveled quite far up these steps but we were pondering going back down since we were faced with this curious situation. There is something off putting about a small fearless creature where you think "if it isn't scarred it MUST have a reason. A secret." Luckily it needed to be menacing elsewhere and it leaped up a tree and vanished into the foliage. Even though we couldn't see it, we knew it was there. Watching us like the predator watches Arnold Schwarzenegger only in squirrel vision not in heat vision.

So today we will discuss some small treats that accomplish big feats. Sort of, see I kind of liked the rhyme there....they really are just treats, you know?...Some with good surprises and some with maybe not so good surprises.
Oh snap, is that a gummy from Japan? HELLS YEAH IT IS!!! You already know how I feel about this treat don't you? Well you should. Japanese gummies are epically awesome! But how are these?

Pretty darn good. The texture is not too chewy and not too soft. The exterior is coated in a tangy sugar but not too much and not over powered in citric acid as the picture might imply or one might conclude from the lemon part of the description. What first resonates on your palate is lemon but it isn't super intense and after a few chews you get the cola flavor. A pretty rad ride through flavor country if you ask me. It delivers on its promise.

The downside is that they come all the way from Japan. You cannot find them in the states and they are about 2 dollars. Now that isn't a ton of money unless you have to pay 18 dollars shipping and there are only about 12 gummies in the bag. Overall I give this snack a 4.5-I always have leg room in cars and on planes out of 5.
WHAT???? Another Japanese gummy???? APPLE GINGER ALE? Is it my birthday????? (Answer to the last question: No, but it is soon. So go return some bottles and buy me a present. I know this is a recession so don't feel obligated to buy me a champagne jacuzzi or a diamond encrusted speedo. Hmm, I don't like the word "crusted" next to the word "speedo".)

Ok, so you know this is good.... but how good? How about THE BEST!!! Yes, this is the best gummy I have ever eaten. For my palate. I like earthy flavors, herby flavors, metallic cocktails, and things more sour than sweet. Now this isn't sour. But what it is-is unbelievable. Here is a closer look.
Awe, it is so cute and tiny. BUT the flavor within is enormous. First you get the apple. Almost like a light perfume of fresh apple just dances across your tastebuds. Then you get a hint of ginger ale which grows and deepens on your tongue as if the ginger is really growing in your mouth. Real ginger flavor. Not powdered ginger or candied ginger. This is like a real deal ginger soda. It is the best marriage of fruit and ginger on the planet. THIS IS WORTH 20 DOLLARS! Luckily if you buy it for 2 and a bunch of other stuff then the shipping kinda evens out. I give this snack a 10-I fit inside most boxes-out of five.
Chowards? Who let you back in here? Didn't we already discuss two of your friends? Yes we did. And they weren't the best discussions if I recall. Ok well, lets open you up and see what's happening.
Oh, well that is pretty cute. Sarah bought these for me which is super nice. Violet huh? Well, I will just put this candy in my mouth and....oh. Oh no. ugh. I....made....a......mistake! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It is horrid!!!! Blech!!!!

It tastes like my mouth is the air filter at an octogenarian tea party!!! (For those who don't know, an octogenarian is someone between the age of 80 and 85.) It is stale and perfumee in the worst of ways. (I know perfumee is not a word.) Remember when I described something as " licking a sweaty wig"? This has some of that too. Not good. Very much so not good! This is like somebody gave you an organic soap and you wash your face with it and it gets in your mouth. Snacks shouldn't have the flavor experience of accidentally consumed household items. I give this snack a 1-why do I have to buy jeans sized for a husky 12 year old-out of five.

Oh come on! From Chowards to a candy from Mexico??? What, did my mouth lose a bet? Can I go back to the Japanese gummies please? Gosh darn it! There I said it. Now my good pal and bro in law Dave bought these for me. What a kind guy....or an evil mofo. These hard candies are called Chili Rokas. I think he got these in Seattle when he was touring doing cage fights. I am pretty sure I am recalling that correctly. (He doesn't fight cage fights...that is rule number one but if this doesn't go well I might enter him in one.) Lets take a closer look-
Huh, individually wrapped hard candies in four different flavors. That is different. 65 individually wrapped fruit flavored candies called chili rokas. That is allot of chili rokas. To be honest I would rather have 65 apple ginger ale gummies but lets just see how this goes.

I chose to sample the Pineapple flavor. Upon unwrapping the candy I first noticed that it had a beautiful yellow sheen to it. Not the usual chili dusted sweat candies I have been accustomed to from Mexico. Feeling ok at this point I put the round yellow candy in my mouth and was surprised to find no salty taste just a rather pleasant pineapple candy flavor. No not a fresh pineapple candy flavor but a candy pineapple flavor. Like one would expect to taste if they hadn't been burned by crappy mexican candy before.

Here is the problem with me and hard candy, after about a minute I just want to chew it up and move on. I don't have time to sit around slowly eroding a butterscotch with my tongue. What do you think I am an octogenarian? So after a minute I bit down on my pineapple friend who was bridging the ill blood I have with mexican sweets when I was instantly bamboozeled. Or maybe I was hornswogled. Well, either way it was massively unpleasant! In the center of this hard candy there is a lurking evil made up off chili powder and salt. Yeah, it is like your tongue got punked and then your whole mouth and then your whole day. Sure, maybe they designed it to slowly leak out like the fun fizzy center of Zotz. Only this is not Zotz nor is it fun. It hits you like somebody dumps chili powder in your mouth and sprays sweat into your mouth from a super soaker. (Now why that person would do that let alone have the time to fill a super soaker with sweat is beyond me but if you are hanging out with that person, you have made some questionable decisions.) Long gone was the fruity pineapple candy friend I had just met. They had died a terrible death and their guts were rotten and clinging to every inch of my mouth. I spit with all my might!!! I do believe my salivary glands were dry heaving in an attempt to cleanse the soiled wasteland that had become my mouth. Alas there was to be no comfort found. No knight in apple ginger ale gummy armor would ride in and rescue the now destitute and downtrodden king that was once my tongue. His kingdom had fallen. Pestulance had taken hold and poisoned his domain until all life had withered and taken leave.

It was a dark time, indeed. But as often what happens in the most dire of times there was to be a hero. For there was one, last, beacon of hope. Who was present to rise up against the dastardly chili rokka. Who was it??? You will have to read about it-NEXT TIME!!!!!!

~cliff hanger~oooooooh ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh, and I give this snack a 1- thirty something man who needs a stool to reach most things in the kitchen-out of 5.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Not everything has to change

Call it tradition or call it over celebrated repetition either way we humans love nostalgia. On a recent trip to the local market I witnessed a little boy with a familiar dilemma. His father brought him to the store and said that he could choose one treat from the candy section. Now the candy section there is about 8 ft long and about two feet taller than this child. That is a big array of options for a hungry-eyed child. He would look and then pick up something but then he'd see a better option and set the first one down. I know how he felt. I have been there. But something else struck me about that moment. At some point he might reflect on his choice that evening and feel nostalgic about it. Where he has when he ate it and how the evening air felt or that he was up past his bedtime chomping on candy so the parents could do boring parent stuff like talk. (It always seems odd to kids that parents just want to sit and talk....weird.) It is funny how powerful our senses can be and how something as simple as a sweet can bring us back decades to a finite moment when we were knee high to a grasshopper.

So I thought we would have a sit and look back on some classics (for some) and some oldies for others with hopes that maybe you'd remember a treat or an eat that you'd forgotten and can tell or share with someone.
Okay so most of this posts collective sweets came from the Troutdale General Store. Which is as expected, an old timey store with a sandwich counter, t-shirts, old candy, decorum etc...... The items in the above picture were all from the by the pound section. Now, I am not a huge fan of salt water taffy. It never really has a ton of flavor and it has the mouth-feel of sludge. I remember getting them as a child at the beach with my grandparents but I am not nostalgic about it. If they had been super sour then maybe but as a kid you eat any sweet really. What is the saying? "Any port in a storm." For their sheer pathetic existence I give them two skinned knees out of five.

So I moved on to the brown thing. Yep, the brown thing. I have no idea what it is called or why I chose it. It smelled like a caramel. It tasted, however, like grainy nasty cheap caramel and the white stuff in the center tasted and had the mouth-feel of Cinnabon frosting. I am serious. This is a fat mouth treat to the utmost degree. So gross. After the fourth chew I just walked over to the garbage and spit it out. Blech. Blech. Blech. The brown thing gets one-i pooped my pants how do I hide this from everyone, out of five.

Next we have "Sour Balls". Whose name makes me think of a put down an old person would use. "Oh that Clarence he is just an old sour balls." or "Oswald used to be the life of the party now he is just another sour balls." First of all, these balls are not sour at all. So whomever decided that these were sour needs to get their tongue checked. These are just ordinary sweet balls. Why do old people like hard candy so much? Is that nostalgia? Hmmm. Or do they just like the salivation process. I would also like to note that red and orange taste the same. LAME. Green, however, just tastes like crap. I give these sad balls a one run thru the screen door breaking it out of five.

Ok I included this because who was the bright person that thought "Man I love Smartees but whoa are they spendy?!?" "If there was only a generic version that was more approachable? Hmmmm" Guess what? Sassy Sours taste somehow crappier than Smartees which are just sugar pressed into tiny tablets. I didn't snort these. Just saying. I give these a .5 grounded for doing something totally worth getting grounded for out of five.
Necco Wafers are like a quintasential oldie treat. These are actually a different flavor than the normal roll. These are ice cream flavors. Now the original roll all tastes the same except that sick black disc. Ugh. This...oh...ugh, Hold on. This is just an original.....ugh roll.....I just ate the crappy black licorice one..........guh. Sick. Who mislabeled the bucket? Jerks. REALLY FUNNY....

In any case I hate necco wafers. They taste like they should be medicinal. I have tasted better homeopathic migraine remedies that were better than these grody sugar buttons. Coincidentaly that would be my name if I was a clown-Grody Sugar Buttons. *Honk Honk. I give necco a .o5 buried my toys in the mud and forgot where, out of five. Speaking of clowns.....
We have finally reached the heart of this post. The Circus Peanut. (SHARE TIME!) So when I was little there were few things more epic than a trip to grandma and grampa's house. One: they were totally awesome people. Two: they spoiled their grand kids. Three: candy tin. Yes. They had a tin of candy that rested on or near their television. It had a dented lid that hid its sweet sweet surprise from kid eyes. That candy tin was a mythical beast of treats. Cinnamon discs? Check! Butterscotch? You know it. Some weird pink tablet? You bet your sweet bippy! But my favorite was also one of my grandfathers favorite THE CIRCUS PEANUT. You may be thinking "I have had one and it was just spongey marshmellow that tasted vaguely sweet but nothing like a peanut." And you are correct but what you don't know is what I didn't know either.

See a few years after my grandfather passed I say these candies in a store and bought them for Nostalgic purposes. They were not as I remembered. Squishy. Well, then my father told me that his dad would buy a bag of them, open up the bag and put it up in the cupboard for weeks. What does that do? Only makes it totally awesome. It becomes stale. So moisture that makes the texture just squishy leaves and a skin kind of forms on the outside. Well not a skin so much but a shell. Yes a shell. Like a peanut. Genius! The whole texture of the treat changes and it becomes more than a one note snack. So I bought one at the store and I opened it up and put it in the top of the cupboard for 2 weeks. I just ate it. Some things are best left private. I will say, this is a sweet way to pay tribute, no matter how small a tribute, to an amazing person. Cheers gramps! Personally I give this a 5 mom said no more soda but I bet grandma will say yes, out of five. Thanks for your time now please do some reflection. Let me know what you come up with.

What? Oh that is just Morrissey with a cat on his head. Ain't nuthin. He is just provin' that he ain't no sour balls.

.FOOrD BLOrG. evolution of effervescence

Recently I was listening to a bands newest release and was not really feeling some elements of the songs. This made me sad because it was a band I have listened to since 1992. I began thinking about how artist grow over time and their sound evolves. Unfortunately we might not always be into the way their sound evolves. Does that make it bad? Who is to say really? I mean the internet will always have something negative to say. Silly evil internet. I mean, we might say 'What happened?' "They used to be good!" But we can't really expect them to make the same album over and over....ok we can but even that is never a good thing. (I am talking to you KMFDM and Ministry.) One way to look at this is when a band has a sound and then adds an element which is new. For instance, a common occurance in industrial/electro and goth groups is the addition of live guitar. Their album might just be electro but then live they add drums and a guitarist. Why? It isn't more interesting if it doesn't sound like the band. I don't think I am really getting to the point here. What I mean to say is that at one point in time there were Tart N Tinys......now there are candy coated Tart n Tinys. Is it better? In my opinion, NO. The tart part was awesome now it has a sweet crappy coating on it. Ugh. (I have memories of eating those in the pool as a kid and they would fall in and just disintegrate.)

So we might trick out something but does it make it better? And does this new spruce up cut off old fans? These are some of the things we shall be looking at today as we discuss three treats with bubbles.
Dave found this for me while he was in Seattle. At first glance it could be hard candy with bubbles or like a Mentos. But sadly it is like neither. Nor is it refreshing. I mean, Refreshers are as refreshing as an executive chef at Red Lobster is an executive chef. That is to say NOT MUCH. Dave said it best "it is like eating a Tums." It is. A small oval chalky wafer that has some effervescence and no fruity flavor. Tums have better fruit flavor than these candys. I am not even refering to fruit flavored Tums either. Does the effervescent quality help the overall product? No. It is basically the selling point but fails all around to be refreshing or fun. I give this one Hot Topic employee wearing creepers and and a Cramps shirt out of 5.
Next up we have Fiona's black currant fizzballs. Well, there is a mouthful! Look at that classy glass bottle! This treat was obtained for me by the always super awesome Sarah! (Big round of applause.) It was from_ and cost like $12. Which might make it the most expensive thing I have reviewed?.?. So what we have here is a traditional hard candy with fizzy powder on the outside. Is it good? Yep. Pretty delicious actually. When you first put the candy in your mouth it has a sharpness from the fizzy powder and a tartness most likely from a touch of citric acid but that fades rather quickly leading to a pleasant berry flavor. Sort of tastes like if a blackberry and a blueberry had a baby. And you ate their berry baby. (mmmmm baby) So does the fizz pay off? Well, it sure does make it more interesting. But I could see it frightening a poor old grandma mouth. But for taking the risk I give this treat a 3 Hot Topic employees: one wearing fat pants and a dog collar, one who is 18 with a straight edge tattoo and a Morrissey T-shirt, and one who is going to regret their primal body modification when the realize that working at Hot Topic won't be cool in their late 20's, out of 5.
Lastly we have a Cola candy from Japan. This was found for me while Sarah and Dave were in San Francisco. Now I have had fizzy cola candies before and it makes sense. My favorite cola candy is from Haribo and it is gummy sour cola bottles. YUM. These candies aren't quite that good but they are decent and deliver what they promise. It is sweet, tastes like candy that is flavored like cola and it has a fizzy center. Like a cola Zot. Do the bubbles fit the bill? I'd say more so here since cola has bubbles. At some point. The cola flavor is good so even if there wasn't a fizzy filling it would be good. I give it a 4 Hot Topic employees: one wearing a Ramones t-shirt and a Lincoln Park hoody, one wearing an Invader Zim t-shirt that is 2 sizes too small for her body type, one with an emo haircut that really is just the same as Bieber's haircut but it is dyed black and he has plugs in his ear lobes, and one with a chin strap beard to show where his face stops and his Himsa hoody begins-Out of 5.

The end. (how goth)

.FOOrD BLOrG. HARD CANDY (ewe)

Here we have a battle of hard candy. Oh yeah! IT IS ON! Whatever that means.... This battle is big and includes America vs. Japan vs. Mexico. This time it is personal and the battlefield is your own mouth! (that was my intro)Up first, JAPAN!!! Candy sticks. I have no idea what they are called and I can't find them on the website I ordered but lets face it nobody who reads this buys this crap anyway but I digress. I bought two boxes of these candies each with 2 flavors. Apple, Pineapple, Lemon, and Grape. I won't get into each different flavor just the overall execution.

1-no scent

2-While each flavor is different each has a mentionable amount of sourness. Which I like. The outside of each stick is semi-hard candy and the inside is a mix of hard candy and carbonation.

3-These are pretty good. Grape is my favorite.

4-No after taste.

The thing about this snack is it is kinda like stick candy/ hard candy version of nerds. Think about it. Only nerds are more fun. (That is a t-shirt) Overall a good candy, quite different, interesting fizzy sour goodness. Well done Japan. Moving on let us see what America has for us...

Bottle Pop? Ok, this seems innocent enough right? Well no it isn't and I will tell you why. Look in the picture at the tiny word above 'Bottle Pop'. Yeah, 'baby' is the word. Ok. Nobody other than babies should use a bottle because of what is on top of the bottle. A nipple. Yea, which didn't occur to me until I tried to enjoy this perversion of candy. Ugh, here we go:

1- The candy part has no smell but the powder smells like awesome strawberry smells. See, you take the top and lick it then stick it into the bottle and turn it upside down so that it gets covered in strawberry powder. The powder sticks to your spit and then you put the candy crusted spit back into your mouth. Sound fun? Did I mention that you are sucking on a fake nipple then dipping your spit covered nipple in candy dust and then put the coagulated candy dirt spit covered fake nipple back in your mouth. Yeah, I know I should have put this all together but i didn't 'before' but I sure did when it was in my mouth.

2-Who cares what it tastes like. You have to be buying this product cuz you have some serious issues and or fetishes. If you do buy these I know you are wondering why they don't make milk flavored bottle pops. Sickos. Well done Merica.
Oh man, so here we are Mexico. I know we have had our differences but here is your chance to turn it all around.

1-Kinda smells like fruit leather....and chili powder. Oh man, I thought this was just watermelon. Damn it Mexico. Now I gotta put this in my mouth...oh man.

2-Great. It tastes like prunes. Prunes with a salty subtle chili flavor. Imagine if you will that you put on slippers made of fruit leather and jog in chili powder until your feet sweat in your fruit leather slippers. Then you stop jogging and remove your slippers and wrap them around a stick and put it in your mouth. Oh did that make you sad? Yeah well imagine how my mouth feels! Mexico you have done it again.

3-F-you mexico.

In closing (we checked) the stick is supposed to look like it has been in a rectum.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Sweet sweet tushies

Well, not really... These candies in the photo below are called POPO candy. Now in some circles a 'popo' is a bottom, rear end, booty, fanny, tail, seat, stern, bum, hindquarters, rump, arse, nates, posterior, can, derriere, backside, under structure, tail end, ground work, keister, prat, do nothing, duffs, biscuits, haunches, hams, and of course caboose. It should also be noted that some people might use this term as slang for the police. I don't know why exactly and I am too lazy to care enough to google that. Regardless, none of this explains why this treat is called POPO and has a picture of a psychotic crab on the candy. Curious eh?

Suprise!!! It is Cola flavored candy that fizzes inside! Yup that is why the crab looks as though it has rabies. It isn't booty foam. I know, I was fooled as well. Sorry that this review is a tad different but it didn't seem right to drag out a review when it could be explained so clearly and simply. Is it good? Sure it is fine. Not too cola-y and not sour and with just enough fizz in the center to be pretty interesting but the end result is nothing like the crab illustration indicates. Japan has a ton of cola flavored candy and this is just another one. Another one that sucked me in with its filthy bathroom humor which I am pretty sure is just in my head. For all I know POPO is just Japanese for crazy bubbling cola crab candy.

Alas, I don't speak Japanese. Which brings me to a very exciting announcement and that is today I came home to a new shipment from Japan bursting with rare awesome goodies. Seriously, you aren't going to believe some of this is real. Those posts I have been looking forward for a month or so now but until then please enjoy these pictures from the packing material (it is common to pack boxes from Japan with newspapers from that area) with what I am guessing is the caption.

I am not sure what all the text says about this girl and the guy in the kid suit with a perm but I am sure it boils down to: Not getting Married.
Finally a product voted TOO JAPANESE and was taken off the market. Revamped with less cute animal faces and then returned to the market only too fail.
These guy's sign may say 'Roller Japan' but this picture reads 'Virgin Convention' and I am positive the text reads ' we don't do chicks we just do wheelies'. (Having never roller bladed I don't know if you can wheelie....)
Lastly I think this picture reads as this 'Girl wonders if cat will shout then smell bad bum burps and eat her heart. Till next time SAYONARA!!!

.FOOrD BLOrG. sweeeeets

Ok, yes, what you are seeing IS candy and Yes it is bacon cheese burger flavored. Why? You might ask. Well, I have no idea but I will tell you this:

1-This candy comes from Japan. (You can tell but the container alone. Duh right?)

2- This confection is called 'Sakuma Drops' or 'Drop Candy'.

3-Believe it or not, varieties of Sakuma Drops have been enjoyed since before ww2 but a current resurgence has been flourishing in recent years.

4- There are flavors ranging from sour plum, ramen, salt pork, squid, beer and many more.

Ok, so you are most likely wondering how it tastes... Ready?

Not great. At first it is a touch sweet...not candy sweet but more like corn sweet and then as your taste buds are all like 'wtf is this?' I experienced a light taste of dare I say 'meat' and mayonnaise. Now that is about where the fun ended for me. Mayo and me are not friends. Mayo has destroid many of my lunches by sneaking into my sandwiches or burgers. That being said, I was waiting for the cheese or bacon flavor. Never came and at a little over a minute this candy got dropped in the garbage. An experience? Yes. Enjoyable? Not too much. On the plus side I have 23 more. Who needs a burger on the go???