.FOOrD BLOrG. drink it...or don't. Part 2 (100th post)

Yes this is the one hundredth post on my nonsensical blog. In order to celebrate I say we have a drink....or three. Literally three different drinks shall be discussed within this epic 100th post. (There really is no epic anything about this but what do you care? Either way you are passing time on the interweb.) In all of the immense success of this blog and my 42 billion followers somehow I have managed to maintain a level head. Yes, looking back over the years there have been some good times, some bad times, and some really bad times for my mouth. Also some bad times for my friends mouths. It is to those brave souls to which I'd like to dedicate this post. Without friends to endure the things that I become obsessed with I would just be a shut in who likes to try weird things. So belly up to the bar and lets tip one out for my homies.Recently Dave (radtastic brother in law, Sarah (best wife award winner every year for 5 years straight) and I went to New Seasons and I bought this Porter. So what right? Well I bought it for the next time Dave came over because I wanted to try it but I had a sinking feeling I would hate it and Dave is really good about not wasting things. (Nice run on sentence) The reason why I thought I'd find it gross is revealed in the photo below-
See, I don't like black licorice. I am not racist I just think that flavor is terrible. (Remember the salt licorice post?) However, I thought I should try it and see how it is used in this beverage and how it pairs with a porter. It smelled like an average porter which is fine. I don't mind a porter at all in fact what else says winter like a big pint of porter? I guess, snow, santa, skiing, but those have a far lower alcohol content than a porter. The taste was not for me. Sarah didn't care for it either. It was like somebody ate black licorice and then mouthed my beer right before my drink. The flavor went like this: mmm, hmmm, ah black licorice. A three step palate parade ending with a handshake never to return. I didn't need a second drink to confirm that this was not for me. I took one sure but I didn't enjoy it.

Once we began passing this around we also began discussing if it was being served at the right temperature. Dave thought it should be warmer and upon further investigation he was correct. I thought colder was better in order to hide the flavor accents that I bought this to try. (I know that makes no sense.) As it warmed it opened up like a chilled wine. Different notes come forward. I don't like this drink but Dave finished it and Emmit liked it. I think ultimately if you like porter than give it a try. It is worth the 2.50 for the conversation. Next!
Sarah bought this at a produce market up the street from our home in SE PDX. The flavor was Cactus Honey. (Sound enticing?) The price was 50 cents. (Sound like a warning?)

Here is a tip for you, anything gourmet that is on sale is most likely not "gourmet". Now sure, there are exceptions like perishables but if it is a product on a shelf not so much. Another tip is that sometimes you get what you pay for and 50 cents is not a good price for a flavored gourmet drink. How was it? SICK. Sarah and I both thought it was undrinkable. Sarah was super thirsty and drank one sip and I had the same experience. What did it taste like exactly? Hmmm, how to put this....... It tasted like the dusty inside of a used shoe box-with cheap honey flavor!!!! The honey part made the poor quality of flavoring stick in your mouth. Normally I don't discourage people from trying a product but this one is a DO NOT. For it IS ripe. Next-
This beverage was a gift from Dave for christmas. Ok, I know this is 3 months later but look at that label in the photo. That sounds disgusting. Don't get me wrong, my favorite part of this project is when people (so far Sarah and Dave) give me something to write about. It is that thought of them seeing something and thinking of me. It is so nice. Sort of fitting that most of the finds are real wild cards as well. (Just saying) So the six pack (yes, I have five more in the fridge) has been chilling in the icebox until today. I was hesitant but I knew that this beverage should be a part of this 100th post. So I popped the cap off and had the Matuey experience.

It smelled like Raisin Bran. Wet raisin bran. I am not making stuff up at all. This business smells like straight up wet raisin bran. It was at this point that I really was rethinking drinking this beverage but I had to persist. (cue epic music) In the names of all those friends who rely on me to try something new every week. To provide a brief distraction from their weekly doldrums! I CAN NOT FAIL.

It tasted like if you squeezed wet raisin bran into a glass and drank it. -sigh. So very aweful. If that sounds like your thing then message me because I have 5 more. I would pour them down the toilet but that seems like an insult to the poo and pee already in the sewer. Seriously, poo and pee, you owe me one. (Not one poo or pee. Just to clarify. In fact you don't owe me one of anything....you are just welcome.) Lastly, kudos to you for taking a moment to peruse my BLOrG. You three people I hope get at least an occasional chuckle out of this hobby of mine. Cheers to you. See you at the 200 mark.