Wednesday, January 5, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. Corn Chorps!!!!

Look, I am going to start this off with some brutal ready? Ok, here goes: I never really cared for Cheetos or really any puffed corn snack. I will give you a second to deal with that......( At this point I am humming for approximately 2 minutes to allow proper processing time. Oh, the song? It was 'dirk wears white socks' by Adam and the Ants) {side note: I don't wear white socks} Now don't get me wrong I have eaten cheetos over the years....most likely just FLAMIN' HOT!!!! Because anything that has flames on it, I want to eat for some reason. In my later years I have given this snack form a chance but I have never thought 'gee, I could go for a Cheeto right now.' Also I'd like to say that spell check is saying I have misspelled 'cheeto' and I am not going to look it up solely because I hate that damn cheetah and I always will. Stuff it cheetah! Ok therapy session is over and now here is the first flavor!
Chili oil flavor corn curls. Yep! But look at the guy pointing to his chili oil pool below him....while he is holding a tiny jar of chili oil. As if that moat of oil below him, the actual picture of what the chip tastes like doesn't get the point across. There for he needs his tiny cartoon jar to so we can see that it is in fact chili oil flavor. OR, perhaps the cartoon rendering of this homeless man who loves chili oil is so crude that people might think 'does that homeless man on my chip bag have a jar of human poop with him?' and the other artist said ' have him point at a vat of chili oil!' Genius, crisis averted.
It is a plump corn puff curl. (See photo above)
1-it smells like a corn chip, not really any hint of spice or oil...maybe some oil.
2-Tastes like a corn snack with a hint of oil....I guess they nailed the oil. But is that really good?
3-oil. No heat. Yea, so chili oil?....the chili part...not so much.

What a let down. But then again, as a chip advertised by a homeless french guy who advertises a Japanese chip....maybe it ain't so bad. Nope, it is. But as you will see, that poor little french tramp has a buddy and he is a frickin' frog! Yeah, think about that for a moment. Too me, it makes sense because people with beards attract flies. They attract flies because beards are gross and unsanitary and the rotting food in their face bushels attract flies. And flies attract frogs. The frog however is sad not because the homeless man is homeless but because he is french and everyone knows that french people smell but homeless french people.....Hey-yo!
The second flavor, also from Japan but this time actually by Frito Lay, is a soy sauce flavored Cheeto. I was intrigued by this idea. Would it be cheesy? Cheese and soy sauce? Have I had that? What if that simple pairing of sodium and cheese is my favorite flavor combo? Hmmm, and why isn't that the flavor of a COMBO? (SECRET: My friend Keith likes Combos.)
I cautiously opened the bag to reveal a cheeto just like any other cheeto. It was pale and withered with tiny brown freckles. Like what I would look like if I went out in the sun.

1- Have you ever put brewers yeast and soy sauce on popcorn? That is the essence that I picked up on the ole smell-o-meter.

2- Ok erase the idea of cheese flavored corn snack. Imagine just puffed corn. Now drag that thru soy sauce and dry it with a blow dryer and eat it. (on second thought, don't use a blow dryer)

3-That is what it tastes like. It is not bad at all. It is crunchy and salty. Sure the salt is very much soy sauce but it works. If there was chili on this I'd order another bag right now. I am not saying it is amazing or anything but in comparison to the other bag. Night and day. While we are comparing the bags look at the first.....take your time....yea, the first is the crappy one with the cartoon street person and now look at the second. It is the classy, sexy, romantical snack bag where the soy sauce looks like fine wine. You choose which experience you want. WRONG! You are supposed to choose the soy sauce flavor. In closure, incase you don't know, McDonalds is opening a chinese food chain. No joke. Like they did mexican food with Chipotle. Don't be surprised if they do a stir fry wrap with soysauce cheetos in it. ugh....

Monday, January 3, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. Wine Caramel anyone?

This little item is something that sounded so intriguing to me that it was the soul purpose of an order from Tokyo. Yea, I ordered other snackies but this was the starchild and then it sank to the bottom of my snack cabinet. Therefor it lay under a blanket of odd snackies like that scene in that animated film that takes place on the island of misfit toys. Sorta like that anyway, if they all were eventually eaten. Well, one mysterious evening (ok it wasn't quite mysterious I am trying to create a dramatic effect..) a brief nudge of the snack compartment (that has to be a debut in the word grouping department there) and the Hakodate Wine caramel was unearthed and plucked from its questionably delicious compadres and judged. Mouths in attendance that evening were veterans Sarah, Dave, and making his snacktastic debut Westin.So the thing about these candies is that they are made with 1% Hakodate wine which is simply wine from Hokkaido. So I figured they would be dark caramels with deep lush red wine flavors. Where our mouths would be challenged to wade in the luscious mystery of its hypnotic confection. Yep, I was wrong. Expected a bit much? Yea, let us see how wrong I was:

Sarah- It tastes like grape bubbalicious.

Westin-A hint of banana, it has a grape nose and chalky umami. (Yeah, look at the pro!)

Dave-I get wine soda from City Works. Wait, it tastes like an old starburst...a touch of banana and aged Laffy Taffy.

Dirk-Oh, this is just a crappy Now and Later.

EPIC!.....Sadly no. Not hardly, part of this feels like I really expected too much and the other part of me thinks that the 'promise' or experience I was expecting is due to the wording. Wine candy is barely what we got Not even close to a wine caramel. Candy is often intended for kids palletes and there for is not often designed with layers of flavors and nuances but WINE sure is so by combining caramel, a word for me that is intense, deep, and sugary, with wine which is aged and delicate: I came up with quite unfair expectations for this snack. Is it bad? Well, lets just say not as bad as it could be. Did it deliver? Lets just say, this is a wine caramel as much as the experience of eating a Caramelo and drinking Gato Negro. Yeah, I don't want that experience either. TAA-TAA!
(oh good, there are leftovers...)