Thursday, November 1, 2012

.FOOrD BLOrG. Chews Life. Be the gummy.

So I was thinking about chewy candies and it dawned on me that "chewy" might be a better way to live than "hard." I am talking lifestyle. Candy metaphor lifestyle. Now I am not saying that one shouldn't have morals or ideals or stand for something. Sure, we should all do that. I am saying that perhaps there are ways that we all could be a tad less rigid. What I am saying is be open.

If you think about it, when you first chomp down on a gummy there is a sort of remix that happens. Your teeth might not break all the way thru and just the shape of the gummy changes a bit. Now it might even regain it's shape at that point. If this had been a hard candy it would break or splinter. You don't have to break. A bit of a stretch maybe but hear me out.

See, last year I told my wife that I was going to have a year of yes. Whenever she asked if I wanted to do something my answer would always be "yes" even if I didn't really want to go downtown or whatever it was. Why would I decide to do that? I did it because I had become perfectly happy in my home with the blinds drawn in my controlled environment. I needed to test myself. I needed to be open. So my awesome wife was the integral part of the equation because it wasn't up to me what I was going to or not experience. Well now we are coming up to the new year again and what do you think happened?

Nothing except a years worth of fun memories and experiences that I wouldn't have had otherwise with the person I care about the most. To be honest, I wish I had decided to do year of yes from day one. Every moment, no matter how small, you can spend with the person you care about and an inside joke or a moment of endearment can happen at anytime.

My point isn't in absolution it is an open evolution. I don't regret it. Not even things that I didn't maybe enjoy much but to be honest I can't name one of those but I can name several really fun memories that I might have previously missed. All I am saying and all this funny little blog is saying is "Try new things. Please be open to great and even bad experiences." That is life. You can't do the whole live and learn thing if you stick to what you already know and never leave your little box. 

Ok. I am done. Let us eat the chewy candies!

Well hey there cuteness! (Um, I was talking to the panda.) Here we have SUPPANDA!! A strange little candy hailing from Tokyo. First impressions, either this is sour or that panda's mouth is down south and what is supposed to be down there is on it's face. You get what I am saying? You know, like:
()*().  Well, that doesn't look right. Never mind lets just move on to the back.

Much better. So here we see the panda still has a b*tthole for a mouth and it's armpit is proclaiming something about a pineapple. That lot.

So it looks pretty sour. It smells slightly of either powder lemon and pineapple. At this point we have pineapple and Tokyo going in this snacks favor. I am pretty excited about trying it.

S- Well, the panda's mouth looks like a butth*le. So minus one style point for making me picture a panda butt. Mmm. It tastes good. Is there goo in the middle? I like it. I don't normally like the goo. I give it a 4-out of 5.

d- I like the texture. It has some resistance. Like a kinda ballsy jelly bean but not grainy. Like a high quality Spree. Is that the one? The goo is good. A little tart but not sour really. A nice pineapple flavor. I give this snack a 4-I don't like crowds but I can survive them by preparing myself before hand-out of 5.

In my humble opinion. You cannot go wrong with a cola flavored gummy from Japan. You can't. Anytime I try one I feel like a super mega winner. So here, that is exactly what we have. My mouth is watering. Obviously the front tells me nothing since I can't read Japanese. I think it says " Hey dirk! Buy these because they are soooooo delicious! Speaking of Dell. Remember that "shoulda got a dell" commercial. Whatever happened to that kid? Kids was a movie. Who wrote that one " I like to move it. Move it" song and why isn't that in commercials for U-Haul? You sure are good looking dirk. Have you been working out? Why yes, self. I have"
. . . . Wait, where were we?

Anyway, here we can see the back. Which clearly states....a lot of stuff. Pretty much all I know is that this candy is cola flavored and it has 2900 somethings worth of collagen. Is that a lot and why is it there? What is collagen?

I am not going to explain that to you. Me not got great thinking meats. So here is a link:

Look at that little one. It is lightly dusted in a fine tart powder. Just opening the bag and I could smell awesome cola smell. Look, I don't drink soda. I don't drink any ever. (Unless it is for this blog.) That being said I love cola candy. I know. I don't understand it either.

S-I like it.  It has a nice texture. More body than the average gummy. Really good flavor. Minus one style point for looking like licorice. This could be like the Nicorette for soda drinkers. They could chew a piece of candy instead of drinking a gallon of soda. 5-out of 5.

d-Totally. I agree with every thing that you just (eats second piece) said. It has a nice chew and the flavor is really full but not too big. A nice tartness. If you like Haribo's sour cola bottles than this is like the high end of that. I give this snack a 5-Always look around you. There are funny little small things happening everywhere. It is amazing what the normal world finds normal.-out of 5.

Oh what? Dueling Japanese pineapple gummies? What did I win the mouth lottery? (That sounds like something one would lose in prison.) Once again I have no idea what any of that says and you know what my guesses are like. (Not entirely accurate.)

Whoa. Am I not the best photographer ever? Good lord I am terrible at taking pictures. This doesn't even show the collagen count. Yes this one features collagen as well. Mmmm. Animal proteins and stuff or things... It sure looks pretty on the packaging. Let's open it up!

Wait. What the f*ck is this? Where did the pretty shinny pineapple from the packaging go? This sure isn't it. This looks like a gummy from the dollar store. Luckily it smells of pineapple. Let's see how it tastes.

S-Uh. This tastes like canned pineapple. Why would anyone want to make a candy taste like canned pineapple. Minus one style point for looking so cloudy. The color is a real turn off. 3-outof 5.

d-It is ok but it does taste like canned pineapple. Who is the person that is like" Man, I LOVE canned pineapple. I just wish it was somehow more portable. I mean, than this can." It isn't terrible. It smells right. I give it a 3-I pretty much now know that anything "confit" is not for me but I had to try from beef cheek confit to duck confit to figure that out-of 5.

Ok so here we have a candy that is Let's just get one thing out of the way. The thing at waist level on the melon man there.

That melon headed dude is sporting a full on erection. I believe this is a candy for kids. I mean, I have heard about being a fan of yourself but really! I mean, he is a melon man who is drinking a soda that tastes like him. And he is REALLY is into that.

Imagine tasting a soda that is flavored just like you. If you didn't almost vomit just now than you aren't applying your imagination. I mean, that isn't my thing but I have been in gas stations far from civilization where I have seen men who have wondered "Why t'aint thar human soders?" U no. Like a Marly soder, a Jethro soder, a Billy Bob soder... Taste like a juicy skin suit! Yee haw! Ma sister is ma wife." (Too much?) My point is that I am all for being open but maybe not that open.

(Why would anyone think that they should put a package on packaging for kids? right?)

Alright. So here we have a melon soda caramel. We have had a red wine caramel and a few others so lets just dive in.

S- Ugh. This tastes exactly like a banana runt. Exactly. (Spits it out.) -1 style point for the BS wax paper wrapping. 0-out of 5.

d- At first I am getting wax notes. Like a candle. Then the essence of cheap bubble gum. That is probably the soda flavor. After that follows hints of regret and banana flavor. This is gross and not at all like melon. Now I have never had melon soda but if this is what it tastes like I will pass. This snack gets a 1-The people that go to a day spa are very different than we are but in some way making them uncomfortable is even more satisfying than a seaweed massage-out of 5.

So ends another chewy episode of FOASP. Thanks for taking the time to read. Thanks to my wife for trying all of these snacks with me and for all of the year of yes experiences.

Lastly I'd like to share that a chef friend of ours started a 30 minutes for 30 days exercise challenge and we are a tad over a week in. The reason I mention this is because we are not big exercise people but here is what we have learned this far: 30 minutes is not a lot of time. It is very approachable. After 30 minutes of exercise a few days you really do feel different. It doesn't take much. In the time I would surf a few websites we have made a minute change to how we live and feel better. Also doing the exercises together is far more fun than alone. Lastly any exercise with any allusion to "buns" in the title is an exercise worth doing. Especially "Bollywood Booty 2."

Till next week. Keep your head up and out of any sodas.