Saturday, October 30, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Evil Bevies

*First of all I'd like to apologize to my faithful few readers who choose to peruse this blog with their peepers. I need to get my posts up with some kind of schedule in mind. Maybe select a day each week that new content will be added. I am putting it out there so expect that kind of commitment in the future. Now onto this edition!*Here we are at Halloween weekend! My goal initially was to do posts regarding seasonal treats. But I didn't find that many beers that were spook centric enough to compose a post. So here are 2 and a dessert in honor of Halloween!!! Also known as fall festival if you are a stick in the mud.

This first beer was Sarah spotted at the new New Seasons on Division here in PDX. With this holiday in mind and backed by the fact that I have never had a black ale I bought it. Now to be honest I think the label has a bit of a douche factor. Like Ed Hardy clothes or any club where men have dragons on their button front shirts and $200 distressed jeans. Cheesy. Also, I don't drink a large amount of dark beer so keep that in mind all of you. Yea, all of you. (see that is funny to me because...well, nevermind)
1-No real dense dark smell from the bottle. I poured it into a glass and it was dark but not impenetrable by light like say Guiness.

2-For my first black ale, I'd say they are ok. Not overly soy saucey like some dark beers. But a full flavor for sure. I am trying to go into great depth about the complex notes but I have no idea what the complex notes of dark beers are. My bad.

3-After the 2nd and third drink it really lingers on the ole palette.

4- After a pints worth I had drank enough. It was sort of filling and became more of a task than fun.

So would I buy it again? Nope. But if you like dark beers I'd say try it and let me know if this is a good one. For all I know my opinion is as accurate as if you gave a glass of 1975 Bordeaux to someone who drinks Boones regularly. mOVING ON!
This was an easy selection cuz it has a freakin' devil on it!! I did pause for a moment when purchasing it because it was $3.25 which is funny to me. In a bar you wouldn't stop and think 3 bucks for a beer no way. Most likely you would just give the bartender your card and say 'where I am going I don't need numbers..." Or something to that effect. But there was a second thing about the appearance of this beer that aided in its inclusion. IT HAS AN ALCOHOL LEVEL OF 13%!!!!!!!!!!!!Of course I was sceptical of even liking it especially once I saw the strange cloudy liquid that poured from the bottle.
Yea, that stuff is not see thru. Questionable.

1-Smells of funk. Sarah said it smelled of dirty sponge.

2- Upon tasting it, I thought I might be tricking my self by focusing on the alcohol content. It tasted like Steel Reserve with rotten cider in it. And that is putting it politely.

3-It officially took 3 drinks of this before I waived my white flag and introduced it to our kitchen drain. (In my youth I would have yelled 'STRIKE LIKE A NINJA' and downed it but after a smoked beer and some questionable reindeer in SF I now think twice.)

I don't believe that it is possible to make beer that tastes good after you cross a certain point with alcohol content. There is a reason why hobo beer tastes like hobo beer. Hobo's don't care if it tastes like metal and rubbing alcohol as long as it kicks them in the brain. I however like to enjoy a bevvy I am drinking. Buy this? Nope. Not even for those white gloved hobos in the south west hills.
Now for dessert STRAWBERRY BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other night our pals Keith and Erin came over and I opened this lovely bevvy so that we all might have a taste. (I'd also like to note that both ladies were drinking whisky and I was excited about a strawberry beer....not so stereotypical)

1-Smells like strawberry jam. We all agreed on that.

2-Keith thought it tasted like soda or punch but not beer.
Erin said it tasted like mixed berry st.ides.
Sarah said it was her fave so far.
Yours truly found it quite delicious.
I will stop there because really all of those things are true. It had a pleasent aroma and a really smooth fun fruity flavor. This wouldn't be a wise choice for a whole evening of bevvys but a fun start or interlude for sure. By far one of the more successful fruit and beer combos that I have had. Oh and this one is from BEER MONGERS as well. So there we have it, three more beverages. I have the next 6 posts lined up and I feel sort of overwhelmed like I am behind schedule but I am also really excited. If you would like to be a guest mouf just let me know.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Recently while trying to find a place to eat lunch that is outside our current trend of food desires I discovered a beer mart that I did not know existed. Beer Mongers on 12th and Division in good ole PDX. Yeah, I was pretty excited and it turns out they have been open a year....which is weird that I have never heard of it. In any case I told Sarah and she said 'well, we better go!'. Yeah, awesome wife points!!!! So this edition of FOOrD BLOrG is some gems from that trip. Oh and the guest mouth is yet again the fantastic Dave. Here we go:
I know, I was excited too! Acai (ah say ee) beer? Oh how I have longed for antioxidants and beer in the same gulp. Gettin' good and healthy drunk right!?! Sure I could hold out for EMERGEN-C BREEZE or Jaeger NOW WITH OMEGA-3! But instead I bought this big boy.
1- The smell was not overly sweet or beery. I thought.

2- Tastes of berry. Not really tangible were the Acai notes. Both Dave, Sarah, and I agreed that
it was a stand alone beer unlike McMenamin's Ruby which needs some Terminator Stout in it.

3-Pretty delicious. We all three would drink it again. It looks dark in color but is rather light on the palette.

4- Little to no after taste. Granted I followed this beer with another type of beer but overall I recommend this bevvy to anyone who enjoys a big flavor fruity beer.

Lastly, the following picture is to illustrate the color for you all.
Next up we have a dark beer. Now I know it isn't even Halloween yet so drinking a beer called HUMBUG is a bit premature but Sarah liked the scary eyes on the label and frankly so did I.
This beer is dark. And normally I like to orchestrate my drinking like a well choreographed ballet of booze. Which would mean I start out heavy or strong and finnish light. However since Dave was over at this point I figured what the heck and opened this bottle up and split it into two cups. Two D's two cups!

1-Smells of soy sauce notes and the respectable bouquet of a winter ale.

2- Tastes of...well, the above mentioned culprits. Not sweet, not overly dry. Pretty one note depth wise. Not in a bad way since some beers, dark or otherwise really set out to do allot. Which isn't bad, I am not afraid of complexities just saying it was pretty smooth.

3- I don't know what to tell you other than I finished it. I think it may have been a bit late for Dave to have a meal beer but he didn't say anything bad about it.
4- A lingering dark beer melange. Artsy eh?

Lastly, sure go for it if dark beer is your bag. One was enough for me, thanks but I will take my four bucks somewhere else. In closure of this beverage here is a photo of the dark brew.
The third and final beer of this post was selected based on the demon on the bottle. I know this drink isn't difficult to come by. I have seen it in stores before but never was compelled to buy it for some reason. I mean I am cool with beer and demons and beer demons but for some reason never tried this. Well last night I gave this demon a run for its....demon....dollars. hmmm.
While the other beers were larger or BOUS (beers of unusual size) and there for more attractive in a way I still picked up this beer and dumped it into the fire swamp of my stomache.

1- A sweet beer smell. Didn't expect that from a demon. I expected scorned soul or the breath of the damned perhaps but sweet..huh?

2- Dry mid to light beer. Pungent but not skunky.

3- Gets smoother. Not amazing but not water beer either.

Overall, I don't see the connection between the demon and the beer. So as for a halloween brew I'd still recommend the obvious choice DEAD GUY. The placement of the demon seems like a way to dude up the brew which is a turn off for me. I will drink a bellini! I don't care if it looks fruity or not. But who knows, maybe Bawls will make a beer. Can't wait for that label!!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Sweet sweet tushies

Well, not really... These candies in the photo below are called POPO candy. Now in some circles a 'popo' is a bottom, rear end, booty, fanny, tail, seat, stern, bum, hindquarters, rump, arse, nates, posterior, can, derriere, backside, under structure, tail end, ground work, keister, prat, do nothing, duffs, biscuits, haunches, hams, and of course caboose. It should also be noted that some people might use this term as slang for the police. I don't know why exactly and I am too lazy to care enough to google that. Regardless, none of this explains why this treat is called POPO and has a picture of a psychotic crab on the candy. Curious eh?
Suprise!!! It is Cola flavored candy that fizzes inside! Yup that is why the crab looks as though it has rabies. It isn't booty foam. I know, I was fooled as well. Sorry that this review is a tad different but it didn't seem right to drag out a review when it could be explained so clearly and simply. Is it good? Sure it is fine. Not too cola-y and not sour and with just enough fizz in the center to be pretty interesting but the end result is nothing like the crab illustration indicates. Japan has a ton of cola flavored candy and this is just another one. Another one that sucked me in with its filthy bathroom humor which I am pretty sure is just in my head. For all I know POPO is just Japanese for crazy bubbling cola crab candy.

Alas, I don't speak Japanese. Which brings me to a very exciting announcement and that is today I came home to a new shipment from Japan bursting with rare awesome goodies. Seriously, you aren't going to believe some of this is real. Those posts I have been looking forward for a month or so now but until then please enjoy these pictures from the packing material (it is common to pack boxes from Japan with newspapers from that area) with what I am guessing is the caption.

I am not sure what all the text says about this girl and the guy in the kid suit with a perm but I am sure it boils down to: Not getting Married.
Finally a product voted TOO JAPANESE and was taken off the market. Revamped with less cute animal faces and then returned to the market only too fail.
These guy's sign may say 'Roller Japan' but this picture reads 'Virgin Convention' and I am positive the text reads ' we don't do chicks we just do wheelies'. (Having never roller bladed I don't know if you can wheelie....)
Lastly I think this picture reads as this 'Girl wonders if cat will shout then smell bad bum burps and eat her heart. Till next time SAYONARA!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Puffy Snackie

I have no idea what this snack is called unless it is called ' Grapes Marshmellow'. Which is entirely possible with a snack from Japan. I saw this and thought what is one flavor that Japan always gets right? Grape. Without a doubt, grape. So I had to get this candy despite the fact that the lower corner has a picture which leads me to believe it is filled with something. This could be either really great or really not great.

1- Smells a tad medicine like and it feels dusty.

2- It tastes like medicine and the goop inside is a weird contrast to the fluffy exterior.

3- This is sick and I am glad there are only two bites per wrapper.

4- I feel like I took medicine not had a snack.

Second opinions:

Sarah- I don't like grape or medicine. This is sick.

Dave- Dimeatap. Fluffy grape dime tap dream.

Yeah, Dave gets really poetic there in the end. Sadly, this snack really was a let down but in its defense this really good have gone either way. At least for my waist line this snack sucked and I don't have to worry about craving goo filled marshmellows anytime soon. There were other flavors but frankly I bet they all would evoke the same response. There isn't much else I have to say about this snack so lets just leave it short and sweet like my experience with this snack...minus the medicine after taste.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Mexican egg nog??? oh no.

Thats right kiddos!!! Your tiny kid prayers have been answered! Now when you think of chocolate do you think of the Swiss or French or even Germans? Yeah me neither, I don't picture their rolling hills of green pastures or histories involving complex butters and sweet milk based delectables. I picture the vast wasteland scenery of Mexico and the withered teats of their parched near death cattle. Ok, perhaps that is a tad harsh but my point is could France or someone call Mexico and say 'we got this.' So they will quit making vomit inducing candy concoctions. Whatever. Here we go, the review of CHUTAZO !!!! It is a chocolate soccer ball filled with egg nogg flavored something or other. (sigh)

1- These balls smell like cheap easter chocolate. I am referring to the Chutazo you sicko.

2- These balls busted up on my face like a Cadbury egg. It got its filling all over my face and chin. I was luckily distracted from the taste which was similar to a really crappy Cadbury egg with crap inside it.

3- Second nibble was worse than the first because the inside smells funky.

4- I needed that taste out of my mouth so thank you beer and cracker.

Here is what Sarah and Dave had to say:

Sarah- Smells like cheap chocolate and tastes boozy.

Dave- Low rent messy whisky chocolate.

Now to be fair, I don't care much for chocolate and I really don't care for egg nogg. So my review is null and void but I believe my assosiates testimony support my findings. In closing I would also like to disclose that Dave ate my leftover chocolate ball. Just saying, it may have been bad but he ate 2. So the next time you are thinking I need the perfect snack for my christmas themed soccer game party reach for Chutazo!

.FOOrD BLOrG. Beersie

Picked this up last weekend while at an upscale grocery shop here in PDX. I thought it would be a good bevvy to try with Dave but he had already had it. We shared it anyway but that is beside the point. Dave knew which beer I was talking about simply by me asking 'Have you heard of a Bison brewery?' To which he replied, 'Yeah, Honey Basil? It's good'. So without further adieu:

1- Smells like beer....good beer. With some pronounced sweet notes.

2- I taste the honey but other than that it just tastes like sweet beer. High quality sweet beer.

3- Like a honey amber beer maybe.... sadly no basil.

4-No lingering after taste really.

The end result, a descent beer. Quite good really but much like the dark chocolate ramen which was good chocolate but not good ramen chocolate. This beer was good beer just not good honey basil beer.

Friday, October 8, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. soardie porps

First of all let me say that I don't usually drink soft drinks. It isn't that I don't like them....well actually that is it. See I eat a large amount of candy so the idea of sweet drinks is more often than not off putting. However I saw this beverage and had to try it. Reason numero uno: it is called SARSI which sounds like a cute nick name for Sarah. Sometimes people call her Sares so you can see where ......nevermind, you get it. Reason numero deuce: it comes in a cute 8 ounce bottle like what would come from those old school Coke machines. Speaking of Coke, this beverage (which was purchased at FUBON) is distributed by Coca-Cola.

1- Smells more like root beer than Coke.

2- It tastes like a root beer and a Coke had a baby in your mouth.

3-It isn't bad at all. At least it doesn't taste like Pepsi. Ugh.

4- I took a break from the bevvy for 3 minutes and I can still clearly taste it and my mouth is coated in corn syrup. That being said, I haven't had a soda in awhile so maybe that is normal.

Upon further reflection I believe that possibly the reason it comes in an 8 ounce bottle is that it is too sweet for 12 ounces. And the taste is really like dipping a root beer barrel candy into a Coke and licked it then repeated the process. Feel free to go to FUBON and taste one for yourself. mmmm Sarsi!

Monday, October 4, 2010


Get it? Like FINAL DESTINATION......but with.....awe nevermind. This post was something I was playing with for awhile. It is dedicated to my bro in law Dave fro somehow inspiring me to draw it and it wouldn't be possible without the encouragement and input from Sarah my wife.

.The difference of a 'D'. #1.

Well groomed beard.
Well groomed bear.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Skwinkles?

You might be wondering 'What is a skwinkle?' I am about to shed light on said wonderment with the help of my snack associates Sarah, Rosa, and Dave. The Lucas company makes several hispanic candy snackies. Most of them involve mango and chile. If you recall my post on 'Salsaghetti' you know my stance on this candy concoction. Not too positive or positively against it is more accurate. Yet here we are so why prolong it any further. A skwinkle is apparently a worm shaped gummy that you dip in a mysterious sauce. Oh that is what you thought it was? Me too.
1. No scent at all. Eerily no scent. I imagine ghosts to have more smell than a skwinkle.

2. (first we tried just the worm)
Dirk- No flavor and what I do taste is reminiscent of regret.
Sarah- Well, the yellow isn't very good. The orange is slightly better than the yellow.
Rosa- Tastes like an unsour gummy worm like dried fruit without taste.
Dave- Really crappy gummy worms. That were prelicked and then salted.

Have we sold you on skwinkles yet???? Well Sarah is about to with a description worthy of being place on their packaging.

3. (worm and sauce)

Sarah- I think it is blood placenta. (There you go Lucas company : SWINKLE 'I think it is blood placenta!) Damn near sells itself. Oddly enough I stopped recording our data at this point. The only other comment I wrote down was from Rosa and it reads 'No no no'. Also scribbled on the back of the data sheet is 'nobody needs skwinkles' and it is scribbled in the dramatic fashion you see in movies next to corpses where they wrote their last message in blood with their finger. In closing, if I ever see that sunglasses wearing duck from the packaging I am going to kick him squarely in his skwinkle.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Shmorgus-blog

I have seen these chips as well as the BEER flavored chips around for awhile. I actually had the BEER flavored chips a few years ago and well, they tasted like a kettle chip. Eh. But the previous times that I had seen these 'Bloody Mary' chips I had no interest in getting them since I don't really like Bloody Marys. Only now that I have started this scientific mouth exploration of snack promises have I the courage to indulge in said snack. My gastronomical co-pilots on this expose were Sarah, Dave, and Rosa. As usual I will shorten their names to one letter. I will not be shortening Bloody Mary to BM. For obvious reasons....

1. Smells faintly of a dusty french fry with dry ketchup on it. No real pepper notes which I would expect. Of my friends that enjoy Bloody Mary's most like them spicy so I was expecting something with a kick.

2. It tastes how it smells like a ketchup flavored kettle chip. No heat or even pepper flavor.
S- Tastes like ketchup powder
D- Tastes like ketchup, good I think, dry ketchup chip.
R- Dave is right but there is too much ketchup flavor.

3. It is too sweet. At this point I decided not to eat a third chip..
D- I don't like it. I don't want to eat anymore of these.
R- Me either. They are pretty gross.

There really is no aftermath as we all just wanted the flavor out of our mouths. Not exactly the most awesome experience. Did it deliver on its promise? Sadly, no. It pretty much delivered a ketchup chip to a Bloody Mary party and that shizzle don't fly. If you ordered a Bloody Mary at a bar and it tasted like ketchup you most likely would send it back or at least not drink it. Which is why at the end of the evening there was still a bowl of this snack sitting on the counter. If you know Dave, that snack must be pretty rank to survive a hangout that long. No offense Dave, man likes himself some snackies is all I am saying. Now if you will excuse me I am feeling a little thirsty.