Tuesday, September 20, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. Second Chances Part one.

It feels as though the seasons are shifting. I am extreemly excited about this. You see, this summer I decided to give it a second chance. I believe everyone and everything deserves a second chance. So I said "Summer-here is your second chance. Now do with it what you will."

Turns out summer decided to not change a thing in its program and instead give me the usual. While summer isn't my favorite, the payoff for giving it a second chance is FALL!!! I love everything about fall: cool air, rain, hoodies, heavy blankets, halloween, scarfs, gloves-oh yes this is my season. It is in this time of change that I thought another thing deserved a second chance "Chocolate".

Yes I have said a thousand times that I don't really care for chocolate BUT a lot of other people do. So for them, Sarah and I will embark on a 2 part blorg all about chocolates from around the world. The first part also features the palette of a mysterious distinguished gentleman whom we shall refer to as Emmett. (cuz that is his name...)
Ok here is a Curly Wurly. It hails from somewhere over the pond. We found it in a lebanese grocery on Stark st. here in PDX. At least I think it was lebanese. The owner seemed lebanese but it is hard to tell in some markets because they have a russian isle and a german isle etc...
Anyway that doesn't matter Lets see how it was:

S-Tastes like a rollo. I like it. Where can we buy another? It is like a rollo somebody sat on...in a good way.

E-Oh yeah, rollo. It is good. One of my favorites.

d-Rollo. A thin rollo.

It is thin and I couldn't tell why it is called what it is called because it felt flat. I couldn't tell that there was caramel in it either. A pleasant surprise for sure. If you see one. Buy it.
I give this snack a 4-spiders are still A-holes-out of five.

Why is it called a curly wurly? Behold!
Next we are returning to many a scene of snack crimes-Mexico. Yes another mexican crack at chocolate.....oh why delay it any further....

S-Mint MnMs. Cheap mint MnMs. Pretty good.

E-I agree but I like them.

d-Tastes like christmas. A cheap MnM christmas.

So they are cheap small mint chocolate balls from Mexico. Nothing fancy but Mexico has done far worse. I mean these are more enjoyable than Sixlets. I give these a 3-sunburns are still lame-out of 5.
Yes the last chocolate is from Venezuela and it is posh. Yeah, just read that label. What?? Ok that being said I really figured that this would not be great. We have been fooled before by high end chocolate with lots of gimmicks. Here we go:

S-It has the feel of pop rocks but they seem bigger. I like the pops and I am eating more of the chocolate just for the pops. Not too sure about the heat, if it needs it.

E-I like it. I get the salt very subtle but very good. The chili makes it but varies from piece to piece.

d-I agree with SARAH. It has big pops. The chocolate has a good strong flavor and the heat rises in the back of your mouth as you eat it.

This treat I expected to be gimicky but instead was balanced and fun to eat. Good chocolate with fun flavors and textures. I give this treat a 5-fruit flies and jerks and so are mosquitos-out of 5.

So summer, you fail yet again. You get too hot to do anything. You have too many bugs. Your campgrounds have too many loud children. Way too much sun. Fall can bring it on!!!

Chocolates, you haven't won me over but these treats far exceeded expectations. I dare say my first chocolate blorg that wasn't all negative but instead sucessfull.

Overall we decided that the clear winner was the Firecracker bar. I'd like to end the blorg with a quote from our mysterious distinguished gentleman in reply to me saying that the bar was 3.99.

"You can go to the store and there is a lot of sh*tty chocolates you can buy for 4 dollars."

Well put good sir, well put.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. The choice is yours...but it should be mine.

Ok, so lately it has been a little hot around here and I can't say that I approve of that very much but I have no choice. I mean, I have to go to work so I must venture out into the elements. That being said, in not having a choice, forces me to witness choices that others make. Choices like not wearing a shirt despite the fact that with out one you have the torso of one of those worms that people ride in the film 'DUNE'. So I began to think about how people react to the gift we all have which is the freedom of choice.

Some people really go searching before making a choice while others simply prefer to go somewhere close and buy whatever remotely meets their need. Case in point, Why is there still a mall? I mean the internet should have made these pavilions of pedestrian selections obsolete. Yet still today you can go to one and watch people buy sneakers and pretzels.... Don't worry I won't get started on how asinine it is that THAT business model has survived a recession. (Sarah has heard that rant too many times.) Why would anyone choose to eat anything in a foodcourt is beyond me! Sbarro? Chinese food from a warming tray? etc... And yet those choices are made daily. Now I am not saying I am a know it all or that I make amazing choices but people you need to look beyond plain kettle chips and french onion dip. There is a whole world of snacks waiting for consumption. Let's make some choices!
Whoa, wait.... really? Our first choice is cheetos puffs flavored like ramen with a raw egg dropped in it? YES!!!! Oh sure, I thought about Doritos falvored like Tapatio but that is just so commonplace. So obviously these hail from Japan as you maybe have noticed that the packaging is all in non-english. When I was ordering snacks last I found these and I had to try them despite the fact that I have never had ramen with egg in it. In fact I don't really care for eggs. Yet those two facts didn't stop me from buying these. (Of course facts rarely stopped me from ever doing things like being 17 and dying my hair bright pink with black cheetah spots while living amongst rednecks galore who "don't take kindly to them types")

How were they? Well since I can't compare them to the real thing food they are flavored as I will breakdown the overall taste bud execution:

First there is a pleasant corn puff crunch.

Second there is a sodium flavor much like the depth of flavor from a beef ramen packet.

Third you get a unctious almost buttery mouth feel rounding out the palette. My bet is that is how the yolk acts within the actual meal.

Good? Great? Terrible? I'd have to say the first is my answer. The first bite was confusing but by the third my mouth had figured out what was going on and kinda became addicted. Other people (Sarah) were not so keen proving that it isn't for everyone but I am glad I stepped out of the proverbial mall and made this choice. I give it a 3.5-I think if someone is rollerblading these days and you yell "shoot the duck" that they should have no choice but to have to do it or at least give it their all- out of 5. (Below be a close up of the ramen puffs.)
Mmm mmm mmm. Who doesn't like a potato? So mellow, so sedate, so unassuming. That is until you bake it into a stick form and flavor it like Yuzu and Serrano Chili! Yes, our second snack is just that and it comes packaged upright in a carton. This is from Japan as well and it just sounded so loopy that I thought I needed it. (Of course I also thought at one point that I needed a vinyl jacket and a shirt made of fishnet....like I said, I am not saying all of my choices over the years have been solid but they certainly were interesting choices.)

How were they? Not amazing. For anyone who doesn't know what Yuzu is it is a Japanese citrus that is the size of a tangerine and is sour and serranos are friggin hot! I love sour things and I love spicy things but sadly these potato sticks were neither. Just a crunchy slight tang and no heat snack. Not a bad choice but hardly an experience worth sharing. I give this humdrum snack a 1.5-If somebody is rocking a butt part hair do and you say 'butt part' I think they should have to make an inventive fart sound with their mouth.-out of 5.
(Not to mention if the said person is on rollerblades AND has a butt part then you would witness someone with a butt part shooting the duck and making inventive fart sounds with their mouth. You are welcome because that would make the world a better place.)

I know Pocky is hardly a new snack. I remember having it for the first time with Aaron when we went to PDQ by the house I grew up in. I have no idea how old we were but we had never seen anything like it before and while I wasn't a big chocolate fan I chose to try it. Flash forward twenty something years and on a recent trip to Fubonn and I had to pick up these Lychee flake Pocky.

Lychee has a perfume taste to it unless you can it and then the fruit just has the texture of a grape and little taste. That is what intrigued me about this. The fact that it had actual lychee flakes on it and mot simply lychee flavored cream on the cracker stick. How was it?

First, you must like lychee. It tastes like fresh lychee and weird cream. It really does. It has a perfume feel about it that really will turn some people off. Either way, a little goes a long way. To quote Dave after a bite "I get it." That is really all you need since the flavor is not so subtle. I don't think that is bad but it isn't inviting per se either. I give this snack a 3-If the only thing you have ever made "tap out" is a foot long sandwich I don't think you can wear that stupid clothing line-out of 5. Which at this point I'd like to pitch my clothing line NAP OUT. It is a couch shaped outfit you can wear that stretches over your couch perfectly making you snug with your furniture. Oh and you can nap in it.
Sarah bought this and I thought I would include it as another example of how Pocky is really hitting the nail on the head. If you like chocolate and coconut then this snack will not disappoint. I am not a big fan of them (we know) but it was really well executed and while not as odd as lychee quite enjoyable. I give this snack a 4-if you see a commercial for Taco Bell and drive to one the person on the intercom should have to ask you if you just saw one of their commercials and are highly suggestable and when you say yes they will direct you to an equally cheap authentic mexican restaurant/ food cart-out of 5.
Lastly we have plum flavored cheetos balls. Yeah, you read that correct. No there is no cheese involved. It is a corn puff flavored like Japanese plum. Why? I have no idea but once I knew it existed I had to have it. Was it a good choice?

No. Of course it wasn't. I mean it is a corn snack meant to taste like a fruit. Come on. We aren't talking about cereal here. A slightly salty plum flavored corn ball. Ugh. According to the bag it is 100% something and I would guess it says 100% regrettable. It tastes like an old dried plum covered in corn dust. Sick. Every who tried it described it as quite unpleasurable. This choice is about as awesome as when I drank a 16 ounce smoked dark beer and ate questionable reindeer in a sketchy german restaurant in SF. Only this snack cost 2 dollars and the meal I payed for, for days. This snack gets a 1-if Mtv can make shows where stupid people breed why don't they make a show emphasizing how famous people get when they die-out of 5. Think about it, solves so many problems. What? Too much?

Gross balls.