Monday, June 27, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. chews-your own adventure.

Remember choose your own adventure stories? The excitement of deciding if the hero was to enter the cave or be wary of the cave and choose the rope bridge instead by turning to page 137. This deciding moment also defined you by wether you would cheat and look ahead to see if the decision was fatal. Did you cheat? Tell the truth now. Well, I did. Hey, I was investing time into this valiant crusade and I'd be a monkeys uncle before I didn't finish that book and win. (I have no idea what that "monkeys uncle" means at all.)

The Frozen heart

You are Jameson, a paladin who has been questing in search of a mystical edible jewel that once consumed will save you from over healing forever and it will unfreeze the wizard's daughter with whom you are in love. You stand before a wood slab which displays the objects of your quest. Now if you choose to taste the first snack then please scroll down the page to the first snack. Otherwise please scroll down to the end of this post.Up first we have a Mango gummy. I know the picture is a tad deceptive. The gummy is actually about the size of a penny. Sarah and Dave returned from SF with these. THOSE TWO PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! (Hopefully, you aren't tired of me giving those two props because I plan to spend the rest of my days doing so.) The gummy is quite soft and spongy and has a pleasant fragrance of Mango. The flavor is subtle enough for you to crave another....and another. It is a good thing these come in a bag of fourty or so because I will eat them! I give this treat 4 enchanted swords out of five. If you agree that this is the edible jewel than proceed to the end of the post marked (mango). Otherwise read on.
This taffy was found by Sarah on her trip to Petaluma CA. I figured it was going to be pretty hard to find but then I found it in a nearby Dollar Tree. Yea. So I was a tid bit worried to try it. Lets face it, poor people are known for refined tastes the same way a balrog is known for it's good looks Am I right? The color of the taffy was laffy taffy pink and the smell was more subtle than laffy taffy strawberry. Definitely more sweet than sour. In fact not sour at all or tart. The flavor was creamy and the taffy was not too chewy. Kinda more like a strawberry shake than a strawberry but if that is your thing than go get one! I give the taffy 2.5 dwarves with bizmuth bronze axes out of five. If you agree that this is the edible jewel than proceed to the end of the post marked (Taffy). Otherwise read on.
These Fruit Pastiles were obtained for this judgement by Dave. They contain 25% fruit juice a but appear to have a sugar coating on them. The taste is like Chuckles. Do you remember those? They are a rather subdued and boring gummy candy that had a sugar coating on the outside to distract you from their utter lack of flavor. These aren't quite that bad but they aren't that special either. I would eat them if I had no other candy and wanted some sweets but otherwise I would pass on these. If you agree that this is the edible jewel than proceed to the end of the post marked (Pastile). Otherwise read on.
Here we have another caramel from Hokkaido. You might recall the red wine carmel from a previous post. Well this one is from Chinatown in SF instead of special ordered from Japan. The flavor is Guarana which you might recognize from energy drinks. This is really interesting. When you chew it, you get the consistence of a caramel but then the flavor switches to what you know of from energy drinks. It is really confusing and yet not terrible. I wouldn't eat a whole box of them but one here and there isn't so awful. Overall I give it 3 mages wielding compulsion spells out of 5. If you agree that this is the edible jewel than proceed to the end of the post marked (guarana). Otherwise choose :none of them
(MANGO)Upon returning to Eustachian mountain you approach the frozen body of the wizard's daughter. You place the mango gummy in her mouth and a thick fog begins filling the room. The sound of chains rattling and whips cracking is heard. The gate closes behind you and the wizard daughter's eyes begin to glow. Your body ceases and you can do nothing but watch as the wizard's daughter slowly changes into the wizard. He professes his love for you and shrinks you down and seals you in gem that dangles from his ear. Yeah, he has a really lame earing and you are it.

(TAFFY) Upon returning to Eustachian mountain you approach the frozen body of the wizard's daughter. Jameson falls to his knees at her side. He has dozens of arrows protruding from his back and a venomous snake bite on his tongue. (long story...) With his last ounce of strength he places the taffy in her mouth and he falls to the floor. The wizard's daughter awakens and sees her hero on the floor. She turns him over and deduces that only her enchanted kiss shall revive her hero. Alas upon closer examination she notices the snake bite and suddely finds Jameson really weird and grody. You die on the floor and everyone thinks you are weird.

(Fruit Pastiles) Upon returning to Eustachian mountain you approach the frozen body of the wizard's daughter. As Jameson removes the pastile from his pocket the wizard appears. He is like hella pissed off and says some serious wizard speak. You aren't sure what to make of the situation because maybe wizards just sound angry when they know, like germans. Unfortunately for you, while he is german and a wizzard, his daughter is diabetic. He assumes you are trying to poison her and he demands that you spend eternity in a dungeon comprised of things you find disagreeable.

(Guarana) Upon returning to Eustachian mountain you approach the frozen body of the wizard's daughter. Due to Jameson's high level of perception you notice that even though her body has been in stasis that she has grown a wicked mustache. As an act of kindness and in hopes of a kiss after saving her life you remove your blood knight dagger and shave her mustache off. Suddenly and without warning a deafening boom is heard. You clutch your ears causing you to drop the guarana candy to the floor where it sits for well over the allowed ten seconds rule. On your knees you look at the fallen antidote aware that you shall spend the rest of your days growing older while piniing over your sleeping wizard's daughter. When suddenly (yes, suddenly again) Jameson feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. It is the wizards daughter! As it turns out the evil spell placed on her was more like 'an evil mustache coma spell thing' and not so much a 'go on a candy quest sort of thing'. You are overjoyed and spend the rest of your days together riding like dragons and stuff.

(None of them) Upon returning to Eustachian mountain you approach the frozen body of the wizard's daughter. Jameson speaks "Hey, so I was eating a bunch of candy but none of it was special enough to save you. Soooooo, sorry about that." Jameson puts his battle scarred hand on her cheek and a single tear slowly rolls down her cheek. Upon contact of his wounds Jameson feels as if 1000 angels are kissing his wounds away but instead you poop your self to death. Not quickly either. Yeah, don't go on a quest for a wizard's daughter and return empty handed. You newb.

.FOOrD BLOrG. Drinkypants or Drunkypoo?

It is time again for an ever so informative look at bevvies! Beerlicious bevies! (I know beerlicious is not a word but it really should be.) No fancy pants talky talkin' just down to the brass tax beer speak. Seriously this is a weak post for sure but here it is anyway.

These were all selected by Sarah and I at Belmont Station......on Belmont.
First up-}This was selected by Sarah because it has a bird eating a person on the label. How can you go wrong with that? Trick question. You can't. Things eating people is my favorite genre of cinema. (I know that isn't a real genre but it should be!) This beer was an amberish color and had a slight caramel/soy sauce flavor situation. It was not bad at all. Not incredible but not bad. Lets face it, the label is the best part though. Okay lets keep moving-}
I picked this one and Sarah drank it. Seriously, I had a drink of it and was unsure of the wheat vs. raspberry flavor. So I passed the beer to Sarah to try and she liked it so much she drank it. So I can't say much about this one. Sarah, however, quite enjoyed it. If you like beer with lemonade in it or any of the beer with a 50-50 fruit to beer ratio than I'd bet you'd like this.
Ok, I have no idea what I thought about this. I remember very little about it. The only thing I recall is that it tasted like tin and a slight maple syrup taste. Sorry about that but hey I warned you that this was a pretty poorly done beer post. Lastly, we have-
Alright, I know. That is the worst picture of a beer label that I have ever posted. I agree. But there is a reason.
This was on the majority of the label. Sarah found this one in the sale section. Who doesn't love a deal right? Plus look at the description on the back!
Sounds promising right? But when I opened it, it did this-
For like 10 minutes it had a slow river of foam trailing from the top of it. I have never seen a beer do that before. It wasn't shaken up and had been chilling in our fridge for over a week. Weird. How was it? Pretty darn good. This was like a 10.5 alcohol content so I expected to hate it but it didn't taste boozy at all. Rather than the usual soy sauce notes this one had more carmalized fruit leather situations. I found it pretty rich though and had to retire it after 3/4. Which since the first fourth poured itself out that means I enjoyed half of it. Regardless, if it is on sale give it a try. The end.

p.s. The answer is drinkypants. Nobody likes drunkypoo.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

.Vengeance is (not so) sweet.

I'd like to take a brief break from snacks and talk to you about vengeance. (one of my favorite things) In particular, the film I SAW THE DEVIL. By now if you can tolerate brutal awesomeness than you have seen this film from South Korea. It is not for the faint cinema goer. Seriously. But if you like extreme cinema (the kind with a plot, not torture porn or gore for gore sake.) this film is a trip. It starts with an intensity that just ramps up through the end. After watching it I had to own it. Dave and Sarah were nice enough to pick it up for me while they were at Amoeba records in SF. However you can see it on Netflix instant watch. Yeah! For free.What is it about? Well, Byung-hun Lee( from The Good the Bad and the weird)-
plays a detective who's wife is killed and he goes to evil lengths to exact revenge on Min-sik Choi (whom you might remember from another favorite film of mine OLDBOY)
That is all I can tell you without ruining anything. Don't watch this if you don't want graphic images in your brain. Also do yourself a favor, if you are going to watch it, don't do it alone. You will want to talk about it when it is done. I saw this film quite a while ago and I still am thinking and talking about it. Good luck and happy hunting.

Friday, June 17, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. Not everything has to change

Call it tradition or call it over celebrated repetition either way we humans love nostalgia. On a recent trip to the local market I witnessed a little boy with a familiar dilemma. His father brought him to the store and said that he could choose one treat from the candy section. Now the candy section there is about 8 ft long and about two feet taller than this child. That is a big array of options for a hungry-eyed child. He would look and then pick up something but then he'd see a better option and set the first one down. I know how he felt. I have been there. But something else struck me about that moment. At some point he might reflect on his choice that evening and feel nostalgic about it. Where he has when he ate it and how the evening air felt or that he was up past his bedtime chomping on candy so the parents could do boring parent stuff like talk. (It always seems odd to kids that parents just want to sit and talk....weird.) It is funny how powerful our senses can be and how something as simple as a sweet can bring us back decades to a finite moment when we were knee high to a grasshopper.

So I thought we would have a sit and look back on some classics (for some) and some oldies for others with hopes that maybe you'd remember a treat or an eat that you'd forgotten and can tell or share with someone.
Okay so most of this posts collective sweets came from the Troutdale General Store. Which is as expected, an old timey store with a sandwich counter, t-shirts, old candy, decorum etc...... The items in the above picture were all from the by the pound section. Now, I am not a huge fan of salt water taffy. It never really has a ton of flavor and it has the mouth-feel of sludge. I remember getting them as a child at the beach with my grandparents but I am not nostalgic about it. If they had been super sour then maybe but as a kid you eat any sweet really. What is the saying? "Any port in a storm." For their sheer pathetic existence I give them two skinned knees out of five.

So I moved on to the brown thing. Yep, the brown thing. I have no idea what it is called or why I chose it. It smelled like a caramel. It tasted, however, like grainy nasty cheap caramel and the white stuff in the center tasted and had the mouth-feel of Cinnabon frosting. I am serious. This is a fat mouth treat to the utmost degree. So gross. After the fourth chew I just walked over to the garbage and spit it out. Blech. Blech. Blech. The brown thing gets one-i pooped my pants how do I hide this from everyone, out of five.
Next we have "Sour Balls". Whose name makes me think of a put down an old person would use. "Oh that Clarence he is just an old sour balls." or "Oswald used to be the life of the party now he is just another sour balls." First of all, these balls are not sour at all. So whomever decided that these were sour needs to get their tongue checked. These are just ordinary sweet balls. Why do old people like hard candy so much? Is that nostalgia? Hmmm. Or do they just like the salivation process. I would also like to note that red and orange taste the same. LAME. Green, however, just tastes like crap. I give these sad balls a one run thru the screen door breaking it out of five.

Ok I included this because who was the bright person that thought "Man I love Smartees but whoa are they spendy?!?" "If there was only a generic version that was more approachable? Hmmmm" Guess what? Sassy Sours taste somehow crappier than Smartees which are just sugar pressed into tiny tablets. I didn't snort these. Just saying. I give these a .5 grounded for doing something totally worth getting grounded for out of five.
Necco Wafers are like a quintasential oldie treat. These are actually a different flavor than the normal roll. These are ice cream flavors. Now the original roll all tastes the same except that sick black disc. Ugh. This...oh...ugh, Hold on. This is just an original.....ugh roll.....I just ate the crappy black licorice one..........guh. Sick. Who mislabeled the bucket? Jerks. REALLY FUNNY....
In any case I hate necco wafers. They taste like they should be medicinal. I have tasted better homeopathic migraine remedies that were better than these grody sugar buttons. Coincidentaly that would be my name if I was a clown-Grody Sugar Buttons. *Honk Honk. I give necco a .o5 buried my toys in the mud and forgot where, out of five. Speaking of clowns.....
We have finally reached the heart of this post. The Circus Peanut. (SHARE TIME!) So when I was little there were few things more epic than a trip to grandma and grampa's house. One: they were totally awesome people. Two: they spoiled their grand kids. Three: candy tin. Yes. They had a tin of candy that rested on or near their television. It had a dented lid that hid its sweet sweet surprise from kid eyes. That candy tin was a mythical beast of treats. Cinnamon discs? Check! Butterscotch? You know it. Some weird pink tablet? You bet your sweet bippy! But my favorite was also one of my grandfathers favorite THE CIRCUS PEANUT. You may be thinking "I have had one and it was just spongey marshmellow that tasted vaguely sweet but nothing like a peanut." And you are correct but what you don't know is what I didn't know either.

See a few years after my grandfather passed I say these candies in a store and bought them for Nostalgic purposes. They were not as I remembered. Squishy. Well, then my father told me that his dad would buy a bag of them, open up the bag and put it up in the cupboard for weeks. What does that do? Only makes it totally awesome. It becomes stale. So moisture that makes the texture just squishy leaves and a skin kind of forms on the outside. Well not a skin so much but a shell. Yes a shell. Like a peanut. Genius! The whole texture of the treat changes and it becomes more than a one note snack. So I bought one at the store and I opened it up and put it in the top of the cupboard for 2 weeks. I just ate it. Some things are best left private. I will say, this is a sweet way to pay tribute, no matter how small a tribute, to an amazing person. Cheers gramps! Personally I give this a 5 mom said no more soda but I bet grandma will say yes, out of five. Thanks for your time now please do some reflection. Let me know what you come up with.

What? Oh that is just Morrissey with a cat on his head. Ain't nuthin. He is just provin' that he ain't no sour balls.

Monday, June 13, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. evolution of effervescence

Recently I was listening to a bands newest release and was not really feeling some elements of the songs. This made me sad because it was a band I have listened to since 1992. I began thinking about how artist grow over time and their sound evolves. Unfortunately we might not always be into the way their sound evolves. Does that make it bad? Who is to say really? I mean the internet will always have something negative to say. Silly evil internet. I mean, we might say 'What happened?' "They used to be good!" But we can't really expect them to make the same album over and over....ok we can but even that is never a good thing. (I am talking to you KMFDM and Ministry.) One way to look at this is when a band has a sound and then adds an element which is new. For instance, a common occurance in industrial/electro and goth groups is the addition of live guitar. Their album might just be electro but then live they add drums and a guitarist. Why? It isn't more interesting if it doesn't sound like the band. I don't think I am really getting to the point here. What I mean to say is that at one point in time there were Tart N there are candy coated Tart n Tinys. Is it better? In my opinion, NO. The tart part was awesome now it has a sweet crappy coating on it. Ugh. (I have memories of eating those in the pool as a kid and they would fall in and just disintegrate.)

So we might trick out something but does it make it better? And does this new spruce up cut off old fans? These are some of the things we shall be looking at today as we discuss three treats with bubbles.
Dave found this for me while he was in Seattle. At first glance it could be hard candy with bubbles or like a Mentos. But sadly it is like neither. Nor is it refreshing. I mean, Refreshers are as refreshing as an executive chef at Red Lobster is an executive chef. That is to say NOT MUCH. Dave said it best "it is like eating a Tums." It is. A small oval chalky wafer that has some effervescence and no fruity flavor. Tums have better fruit flavor than these candys. I am not even refering to fruit flavored Tums either. Does the effervescent quality help the overall product? No. It is basically the selling point but fails all around to be refreshing or fun. I give this one Hot Topic employee wearing creepers and and a Cramps shirt out of 5.
Next up we have Fiona's black currant fizzballs. Well, there is a mouthful! Look at that classy glass bottle! This treat was obtained for me by the always super awesome Sarah! (Big round of applause.) It was from_ and cost like $12. Which might make it the most expensive thing I have reviewed?.?. So what we have here is a traditional hard candy with fizzy powder on the outside. Is it good? Yep. Pretty delicious actually. When you first put the candy in your mouth it has a sharpness from the fizzy powder and a tartness most likely from a touch of citric acid but that fades rather quickly leading to a pleasant berry flavor. Sort of tastes like if a blackberry and a blueberry had a baby. And you ate their berry baby. (mmmmm baby) So does the fizz pay off? Well, it sure does make it more interesting. But I could see it frightening a poor old grandma mouth. But for taking the risk I give this treat a 3 Hot Topic employees: one wearing fat pants and a dog collar, one who is 18 with a straight edge tattoo and a Morrissey T-shirt, and one who is going to regret their primal body modification when the realize that working at Hot Topic won't be cool in their late 20's, out of 5.
Lastly we have a Cola candy from Japan. This was found for me while Sarah and Dave were in San Francisco. Now I have had fizzy cola candies before and it makes sense. My favorite cola candy is from Haribo and it is gummy sour cola bottles. YUM. These candies aren't quite that good but they are decent and deliver what they promise. It is sweet, tastes like candy that is flavored like cola and it has a fizzy center. Like a cola Zot. Do the bubbles fit the bill? I'd say more so here since cola has bubbles. At some point. The cola flavor is good so even if there wasn't a fizzy filling it would be good. I give it a 4 Hot Topic employees: one wearing a Ramones t-shirt and a Lincoln Park hoody, one wearing an Invader Zim t-shirt that is 2 sizes too small for her body type, one with an emo haircut that really is just the same as Bieber's haircut but it is dyed black and he has plugs in his ear lobes, and one with a chin strap beard to show where his face stops and his Himsa hoody begins-Out of 5.

The end. (how goth)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. You gots ta chill!!!

Well well well, sun. So we meet again. I don't quite recall our exact last encounter but I do remember the smell of Banana Boat's 50 SPF lingering in the air. Oh yes, in recent years I have learned from our encounters. Each battle has tested my metal and taught me of your cruel unforgiving ways. Every scene of struggle has lead me to new weapons and tactics for our chess like conflicts. So beware "Sun" if that is your real name. (I have always suspected it was really Larry. Come on, name one good Larry that you actually know. I thought so. Oh and the one you just thought of doesn't count because he has that thing.)

The days are over where I just hide in a cave bunker during your brief but evil reign which some call summer. I have grown adventurous because my wife is somewhat of a "Larry" baby. (That sounded weird.... you know I mean sun baby right?) In the past it has been so drastic that she would walk on the side of a walkway while I cling to the side of a building so I might avoid its evil burning rays. True story. She even bought me not one but two sun shields for my side of the car. (Secret fact: One has Alf on it. HA!) However one cannot live that way forever and I have no intention for my wife to be married to a shut it and miss out on ADVENTURES!!!! So much like Batman (He is nocturnal right?) I have aquired tools to aid me through the deathbed of sunshine's scalding embrace. At first it was just good ole sunscreen and then we added a 20 ounce iced americano to sweeten the deal. However one can always plump up their utility belt....huh. Stock up? Anyway, today we shall discuss three possible new friends to join my cause. First up, Mr. Q Cumber!
Okay, I will just address the big white pornographic elephant in the room and say for all of us what is quite obvious- this drink sounds like a 1970's skin flick. Like you would see this on a marquee in Times Square as De Niro drives his taxi. (Sure wish I could recall the name of that film...)

This drink was found in just an average grocery store. We found it in Safeway and I instantly thought it sounded delicious! What I forgot is that most people like their beverages to taste like they are about 50 percent cake. Sure enough, one of the top ingredients is corn syrup. -SIGH. I mean come on people! It is cucumber sparkling water! Isn't that enough? Nope, those fatmouths involved in the recipe thought it needed cake shoved in there. So this was not great for me. Too sweet. I love candy and I love sparkling water but not together. ( What a bunch of cake lovin' Larrys!) As always, Dave came by and finished it. (Secret fact #2: He brought me some treats from his recent trip to Seattle. Dave is a hell of a dude!)
Now this I have talked about before because it is friggin' delicious!!!!! Man oh man this brewery is awesome! One of both Dave (hell of a dude) and I's faves. In fact Dave (h.o.a.d) and Sarah recently went to the brewery and had a sampler of their beers. Yeah. Rad. And get this, one had smoked oyster shells in the process. Yeah!?! What? Who makes these beers? A bunch of neon wielding wizards who's every graceful heel click makes the gods envious? Probably. That is my guess anyway. What did the gods make but one bitter blogger and one big annoying Larry? Right?..... Yes. I am right. Also I'd like to add that if you haven't had this you can find it all over but at Pasta Works on Hawthorne you can get an individual can for about $1.50. Trust me, if you buy the whole four pack-you will drink the whole four pack. These are that bodacious. Yep. Bodacious. This little friend may join me on the battlefield at dusk anytime. Side by side we shall fight back the cruel summer! (cue: Bananarama song not the cover by Ace of Base. And don't ask why I know that.)
Lastly we shall chew the fat Talk about is Ruby Jewel ice cream 'Pineapple Basil'. Yes, I realize that the photo looks a tad on the racist side but I assure you that the full logo is Ruby Jewel. I know that they have shops around the states at least on the left side of the states but this was found at Pastaworks for around 5 dollars. Is it worth it? YEPPERS!

This stuff doesn't taste like ice cream?!? It is like a gellato or sorbet or something. Which is good since the heavy milk base of ice cream would funk up the pineapple basil flavors. Some of you fatmouths might like that but not me. The flavor is fruity up front and herby in the rear. (you are making it sound that way not me...) Perfect. Trust me when I say that you should, nay, NEED TO, get some of this!! It is not listed on their website as a flavor so I bet it is a limited batch. Either way, find it. Now. This mighty beast may ride beside me through the theatre of war as we dispatch many a foe. In any case the war shall rage on as both these opponents attempt to best each other no doubt until death but today maybe you made a few friends. A few friends to help you stay cool this summer. That is important, I know because so many people wrote it in our autograph books in elementary and middle school. "Stay cool!"

*fatmouths- is in noway a hurtful term for people of a challenged weight. It is my term for people who like the fatty mouth feel of cream, butter, butter cream, etc.... So quit picking on people bigger than you. You look like a q-tip in a Big Dog tank top.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. Friends or Enemies....?!?

Let me just say upfront how much I appreciate that friends (Erin) and family (Sarah and Dave) find things for my little blog. It is so nice to be thought of by peeps while they are out in the world coming across snacks for me to (informally) write about. So very nice! Normally.... Now that we have got that out of the way lets get down to business!Oh sure, bacon water. Why not right? This was found for me by the awesome Erin. (Thanks Erin.) By this time everyone knows Voodoo Donuts bacon maple bar, bacon covered in chocolate, bacon jelly beans, etc... There are allot of bacon snacks in the world. So lets discuss why this exists: there you are eating your egg white omelet and your doctor said you can't eat bacon because of your health. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe you already have egg water and need bacon on the go. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe you worship a giant gold pig and need a substitution for holy water. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe not. Lets explain the NOT.

This cauldron of pure evil smelled like a wet ashtray took a poop in an old cowboy boot. Seriously. Everything about this was telling me 'DON'T DO IT." Alas I never look a gift horse in the mouth.... even if it smells like it is experiencing gastrointestinal issues and its mane is smoldering. So I picked up the glass and my brain said "Just don't and say you did!?!" I put the glass to my lips and the evil filled my mouth. It was at that moment that my throat closed as if to say "this is not meant for consumption". Then my eyes welled full of tears and my mouth kicked in with the mouth watering pre-vomit rinse. I was in trouble. Sarah said my face looked like I was going to puke. Which was correct. One hundred percent correct. I was seconds from regurgitating a truly delicious dinner in the name of Bacon tabs. Luckily for me I was 2 steps from the sink and spit it out along with several mouthfuls of panic saliva. I then rinsed my mouth out with buckets of water and attempted to regain my composure.

I almost tried this by myself and I am glad I didn't. Having a witness to this terrible experience made it extra special. I have learned through these posts that it is always better to share. Sadly after my experience Sarah was less than eager to try it. To be honest I wouldn't care to have somebody who is my super buddy feel what I felt. I know this product is marketed as a novelty. I would strongly argue that there is no novelty in this experience.

Usually the snack gift reviews I would liken to a funny harmless youtube video. This was more like the videos where one friend asks another to kick him in his naughty bits. Sure he is suffering but he asked his friend to do it and now everyone can laugh with them in their pain. Only instead of my bits, it was my mouth and instead of Erin's foot it was Bacon tabs. Don't think for a second though that I harbor any ill will. Heck, I didn't even demand retribution. (And I always do) That is a test of true friendship. I really can't talk about this anymore as I am getting quezzzzzy. I will leave you with a still of the brewing evil adversary I had to face.