Thursday, August 26, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. crunchy snackies

Somewhere between Mexico and Japan lies the aim of this salty snack from Japan. It is called CRATZ (which sounds like a sound alike swear a kid would say at school) and the flavor is Mexican chicken flavor and it is supposed to have almonds somewhere in the mix.

1- It smells like upscale dry pet food.

2- I expected this to go many different ways in the arena of taste but I didn't guess correctly.

3-Salty Salty Salty

4-This snack is so sodium laden that I bet it would give a bullion cube a run for its money.

5- Intense is an understatement. After one tiny chunk I was finished with this experiment. Yet for the sake of science I had another just to make sure. No other taste really comes to the for front and now that I had seconds I think it made my breath smell a little like pee.

Yep, this is not for me. According to the packaging I am guessing you should eat this with a cold beer but why you would want to ruin a perfectly good beer experience with this is beyond me. Even the poor quality beer I drink doesn't deserve that sort of treatment. Maybe the makers of this snack had actual snacks from Mexico and thought they should lower the bar. I don't know for sure but that seems the most logical to me. Please excuse me I need to brush my teeth again.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Gum 2

I needed to take a break from Mexico and decided Japan needed some attention. Here we have Ginger Ale Gum! For those times when drinking ginger ale and chewing gum seems insane.

1- No scent upon unwrapping.

2- The shape was that of a bloated chiklet.

3- It tastes like freaking Ginger Ale and not the sugary americanized junk.

4- The taste is so earthy and Gingery that as it disappears you wonder why am I chewing gum?

This gum is serious stuff. It slightly burned my nostrils and caused my eyes to tear a bit. Sadly the flavor doesn't last long but then with intensity like that maybe you wouldn't want it too. If you want to try it I have a whole pack left....

Saturday, August 21, 2010

.fOOrD BLOrG. Oh no Mexico.....

Alright, so the last treat I had from Mexico was shall we say completely disgusting and the overall experience was about as much of a treat as accidentally eating a fly. Actually I'd eat a fly way before chocolate bubble gum ever again. That being said, they deserve another shot so I give you the cutely titled ' HUEVITOS'. I purchased these at the same hispanic grocery store where I purchased that terror gum and two other products that I am terrified to try. We aren't talking of those now though we are talking 'CANDY COATED CHOCOLATE FLAVOR EGGS'. Which is a really messed up sentence like something I'd compose. I assumed this was poor translation on their part which I find pretty cute. That was part of why I bought these fine fine eggs. Now here is how this all went down:

1- Not really a smell upon opening package

2-They candies felt lighter than a chocolate candy usually does.

3- They didn't break or shatter upon biting them. They slowly gave and smooshed between your teeth like an even crappier candy than a Tootsie.

4- This was when I realized that I had made a mistake. There is nothing cute about the packaging. They meant what they said, this is a candy coated chocolate flavor egg and not in a good way. Yep, I fell for it and now the egge was on my, in my mouth. Although at that moment I would have rather had it anywhere but in my mouth.

Yes, Mexico did it again. This candy tasted terrible. Plain and simply a bad candy. It tasted like a diet candy or some kind of candy trying to be something else. Not trying hard enough sadly. I don't know if Mexico is preoccupied with non-chocolate candy tasting like chocolate due to the fact that chcocolate melts in hot climates but this is no substitution for chocolate. Thats like saying 'I don't have chocolate but I wrote chocolate on this chalk board and you can eat that'. Same thing. In closing, shame on you Mexico. With crappy candies like yours I'd run for the border too. Not your border but our border....or the Canadian border. You get what I mean.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Crunchy snackies

Finally you don't have to buy dried pressed meat and chips at the store! You can just buy this fine snack from Japan which infuses beef jerky flavor into Frito Lay corn chips. A great idea or so I thought as with many purchases it never hurts to really investigate the packaging. See there are many types of jerky some of which are awesome while others are not amazing. Usually a bag of jerky that runs about 12 bux is delicious and the 99 cent plank at the sevey is not so grand. Here we go:

1- It smelled like a Frito with a hint of wallet.....

2- It looked like an average corn chip only thinner and flat very flat.

3- Initially the chip tastes like a corn chip and then there is something weird.

4-By the fourth or so chip my mind was trying to get a jerky vibe going on but I couldn't make it equate. I was looking for that 12 dollar beef flavor and what this snack was attempting to taste like is the 25 cent jerky disc I bought at Putt n Video as a child.

5- Once I realized that and looked at the bag I could see the clear illustration of what they were going for. I also stopped eating them.

They aren't disgusting really but the after taste is similar to a wallet stuffed with corn and with a kiss of gasoline. Oh well, sure that sounds gross but it could have been worse. So no I won't be buying more of these but don't tell that to the guy in the picture below.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Something to chew on.

Gum, it is a timeless treat. Whether it be in ball, stick, or whatever shape a Chicklet is, gum is exciting for kids of all ages. Personally, I do not chew gum often but for the sake of nostalgia I composed todays experiment. As you can see above, our first gum is a classic. Bazooka has been around since around WW2 and is made by the TOPPS company. Which is why it tastes like the sticks of gum in TOPPS trading cards people bought in the 1980's. It is pink, hard, and tastes like what people would assume plain bubble gum tastes like. The weird thing for me is that the 'comic' wrapped around this gum is new?! Yeah, so somebody's job out there is to write Bazooka Joe comics. Really, seriously? Ok I don't think adding internet references to a comic that no kids identify with but whatever. I guess the Flintstone's Pebbles cereal will feature Fred djing on his ipodosaurus next. Moving on.
Found this at a Mexican market far out SE. Yep, it is Choco flavored bubble gum but it gets worse. It is chocolate flavored gum with a liquid center and THEN it has cake decorations glued to it. What a terrible terrible terrible idea.

1- It smelled like chocolate.

2- It crunched when I bit into it and then things took a turn for the worse.

3-The liquid oozed out and the texture of the gum was brittle and gag inducing.

4- After 6 full chews I gagged and spit it out into the garbage.

Don't chew this gum. Don't let your enemies chew this gum. Go eat the worst chocolate out there and it still won't be this aweful. Blech!!!! Who would have thought that chocolate flavored gum from Mexico would be bad?
This gum is inspired by "omikuji", which are wooden sticks with fortunes inscribed on them. As you can tell this treat comes from Japan. Not only do they have fortunes but some of them, the ones with bad fortunes, stain your mouth red. I am chewing one stick now. I don't read Japanese but this first stick was not unlucky as my mouth is not red. Time for stick 2.

1- Smells like powder and sugar.

2- Tastes like perfume. Light perfume.

3- Two sticks in and my mouth isn't red. I guess that is good luck.

It is not a secret that Japan's treats are usually more imaginative and sometimes way tastier. In this case, this gum kicks Bazooka Joe's butt all over the place and I don't even understand it. Seriously, look at this last picture and tell me 'What in the world is he saying?'.

Monday, August 16, 2010

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Gummy vs. Chewy

This treat is a popular gummy candy from none other than Japan. It is supposed to be rather sour and have a liquid center. Lets break it down:

1. smells like muscat gummy. Has a lightly dusted powder on the outside.

2. Not too sour but has some mild pucker power.

3. AWESOME GRAPE FLAVOR!! Pretty on par with the usual grape gummy flavor. Super fresh and not at all like the american grape flavor.

4. The center, rather than be juice, is actually just a less dense gummy. Nice. However, lets compare this treat with the next-
This is a 'treat' from Finland. It is called 'double salt black licorice'. Sound disgusting? Well for once the title says it all without sugar coating it. I don't care for black licorice so I can't give you an honest review but here are some quotes from those who've tried it.

'That is the worst thing I have ever eaten'. Sarah
' Ahhhh, Why! Yuck!' John
'.......aweful!' David
'Its just salty...' Devery

There you have it, no comparison. Japan wins again. Sorry Finland.

.Home Alone 4ever.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG- Drinkies!!

No that is not a sex toy and yes you are reading the bottle correctly. This fine beverage has been dubbed 'Neuro Gasm'. It hails from California and it is supposed to be an energy drink/hydrating beverage. Like gatorade/Red Bull. Here is a second pic so you can drink it all in.
No, I will not apologize for that pun. Neuro Gasm boasts all kinds of things and all at a meager 35 calories! I am sure you are thinking what I was thinking which is what were they thinking? Enough jibber jab lets get down to the nitty gritty:

1- Upon opening it there was no aroma

2- I would say it is more than slightly carbonated.

3-It was a cloudy pink hue.

4- It tasted like a more flavorful Gatorade. Only quite a bit sweeter.

The end result, no neuro gasm for me. I didn't whip out my mental dictionary, start spewing binary code, or give my calculator a good pounding. I do however still have the after taste stuck in my mouth and I drank it at noon today. That is almost five hours ago and I ate lunch and had an iced coffee. That isn't good. I need to take my mouth to the mouth doctor and get it a shot or something. Well at least I attempted the Neuro Gasm alone. It would be really awkward being in the product test group spending all day faking Neuro gasms. Think about it.

P.S. If you need one, you can find it and other flavors at Grower's Outlet- 16145 NE Glisan Pdx.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Notsosmartpeople *also known as idiots.

First of all please enjoy this lovely signage we came across just off Sandy and 45th. Ah, intelligence is not required to work at the Grocery Outlet that is for sure. (And neither are good looks, trust me.) Before you say 'that is mean'.....go there. Bring a bat but go there. NEXT!
Today being the last day of work for our 2 week summer break the secretary brought in donuts. It is kind of a thank you for showing up because most people don't. This being PDX the donuts have to come from Voodoo of course. Now a few years ago Sarah and I took her cousin on a donut tour of PDX hitting up as many donut shops as we could and then sampled them. I don't remember getting the donut featured above. So for the sake of science I snatched it up and here is how it all went down.

1-Smelled like a donut. Old fashioned, to be exact.

2-Tasted like a donut. Old fashioned to be exact.

3- Second bite. This time with one of the tiny marshmallows to see why it is even there.

4- Put donut in trash. Mouth tastes like Old fashioned donut with a crappy mini marshmallow wedged in its hole.

Overall, this snack stunk of hype and laziness. Has Voodoo become more relaxed with its fame? I don't know and not knowing what the aim for this snack was I can't really say if it connected but I didn't like it. Hey, why don't you just go to Voodoo and see for yourself. I recommend the one on Sandy cuz there ain't no idiotic tourists. NEXT!
The above is my visual review of the donut.
I know what you are thinking, this is just Doritos that you can buy in any quickie mart. Yes, but the idea for this flavor is so repulsive and the sports target marketing just screamed 'try this I bet it is horrible.' And-

1. Opened the bag and it smelled like crappy nacho pump cheese.

2. The first chip tasted like nasty crappy pump cheese.

3. The second chip was not any better.

The weird thing about this trashy treat is that Doritos already had a nacho cheese flavor right? Isn't that the whole flagship deal....or the ranch either way. But the big difference is that this flavor is minus any and all seasoning or spice. I have tasted napkins with more kick than these chips. Seriously, don't ask why I was tasting napkins. These chips were so disgusting I would rather taste stadium chips flavored after the patrons of the stadium....from the stands point of view. If you get my drift. That being said, I am sure people love these. -BLOrG!!!!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. Drinkies!!!

Yeah I get it, it looks like a poo is floating in this drink. Well I didn't have a flash, ok. And it was dark in Lucky Strike on Hawthorne and 39th yesterday when we went there with Ted. It was sooooo awesomely delicious!!!! No, we didn't take any other pictures so I guess you'll just have to go there. We ordered pot stickers, dumplings, this rad noodle dish about ants or something, guiness spare ribs, and a dish that had 1 million peppers and some chicken. Everything was super great...well, except the pot stickers-they were ok. Solid but not ground breaking. What? oh yes, the picture. Sarah's drink was a vodka that was infused with hot peppers and passion fruit. AWESOME! Although not helpful fighting off the inferno that 1000 peppers bring to the table. . .or that the servers brought to the table. The servers now that I mention it, were great! Attentive but not over bearing. There you have it. I have now said allot about a dim picture of a scrumptious beverage. Ted had one too. Now go there, around 8pm on a weekday.

Monday, August 9, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. BEER!!! Again

Ok, I bought this beer at the same visit to Beaumont Market on Fremont where I purchased the other beer posted on thus far. (Wow, that was a well written sentence!) I waited to partake in this beverage because I wanted to share the experience with my brutha-in-law Dave. So last saturday he came over and we busted this mo-fo out and here was the result:

1-It is an Ale and pretty dark in appearance.

2- Pretty delicious with carmel notes and lime highlights.

3- Other than that, it did not add up to the packaging. No lemongrass and no corriander! Boooo!

Pretty much I had hoped it would be undrinkable and exciting instead of just another beer. That being said Dave and I agreed it WAS a good beer but average at best and yes we did finish it. At this point I'd like to thank Dave for participating and Ted who came over and ate a burger drop.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

.fOOrD BLOrG. Sampan style crab

This is one of our favorite dining experiences! Two weeks ago we made our first voyage to Ocean City on SE 82nd between Powell and Division. Previously we had been to Om Seafood and thought it was the real deal Chinese food. Don't get me wrong, Om is good but Ocean City won us over with this one dish. It is a whole crab broken into pieces and fried. Then the top it with all kinds of fried bits like black beans, green onion, peppers, and ginger. It IS awesome! It is like going to a fair on the beach in your mouth....well that sounds weird but I think you get the idea. The only thing is that the price is based on the market and the weight of the crab so be prepared to 'shell' out some cash for deliciousness.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. sweeeeets Part 2

Morinaga Nobi Nobi Hi-chew -Cola flavor

So it is no secret that I love CANDY!!! This treat also comes from Japan. The 'normal' version of this treat is in small pieces and the appeal is that they look like gum but you can swallow it. This one is a rope form that you can play with! Which I didn't really care about. I just wanted to eat it! Nom nom nom..... and I did

1-It did taste like cola.

2- Nothing about it was gum like.

3- It was gritty.

Yeah, not all bad but far from amazing. When you get something from around the world there are hits and there are misses and sometimes there are 'eh s'. This was a deff. eh. Not much flavor and really nothing to remember. But that is ok because I have a special product that I have been saving for today to hopefully share with a pal. Expect that review next!

Friday, August 6, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. sweeeeets

Ok, yes, what you are seeing IS candy and Yes it is bacon cheese burger flavored. Why? You might ask. Well, I have no idea but I will tell you this:

1-This candy comes from Japan. (You can tell but the container alone. Duh right?)

2- This confection is called 'Sakuma Drops' or 'Drop Candy'.

3-Believe it or not, varieties of Sakuma Drops have been enjoyed since before ww2 but a current resurgence has been flourishing in recent years.

4- There are flavors ranging from sour plum, ramen, salt pork, squid, beer and many more.

Ok, so you are most likely wondering how it tastes... Ready?

Not great. At first it is a touch sweet...not candy sweet but more like corn sweet and then as your taste buds are all like 'wtf is this?' I experienced a light taste of dare I say 'meat' and mayonnaise. Now that is about where the fun ended for me. Mayo and me are not friends. Mayo has destroid many of my lunches by sneaking into my sandwiches or burgers. That being said, I was waiting for the cheese or bacon flavor. Never came and at a little over a minute this candy got dropped in the garbage. An experience? Yes. Enjoyable? Not too much. On the plus side I have 23 more. Who needs a burger on the go???

Thursday, August 5, 2010

.New series ov posts: FOOrD BLOrG.

This picture is of an Ale from Dogfish. It is brewed with the herbs in the picture and it SURE tastes like it. I had this last night and before you ask, no- I didn't finish it. The experience went thusly :

step 1: put bottle to mouth

step 2: put bottle down


First of all, the base of this beer is an ale. This ale is robust and pretty full flavor. Then after the initial ale flavor there is a parade of herbal flavors, all individual, come one at a time. I know it sounds crazy but it is true. I couldn't drink the whole thing but it would be fun to share with two other people as an experiment. I recommend this beverage just on that experience, a fun experience. Not an amazing beer but a fun one. Oh and by the way the alcohal content is 8 something.