Saturday, May 28, 2011

.Cat with human hands. 1

This was something I had wanted to draw for awhile and I was sitting at our dining room table staring at blank pages.....thought to myself 'Now is the time'. It is a weird angle but I have a feeling there might be five or so more of these coming up. So there is room for improvement. Sorry for the picture quality but it was a work in progress and I wanted to post it now.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. mini blorg

I have a few posts to do but this snack surprised me and I needed to talk about it. I am referring to Sour Gummy Popcorn.Now I know what you might be thinking- I have had a Jelly Belly that tasted like popcorn and it was gross. Yes, you are right! Or you are disgusting and like popcorn flavored jelly beans which most likely means you like thai chicken pizza and Doritos that are pizza flavored. To you I say " separate your snacks!!!!!"

This is not the case, this is a cute packaging of a fruit flavored candy. The box says that it is strawberry, apple, and watermellon flavored. They just shaped the pieces like popcorn and made all the flavors yellow. Needless to say I didn't expect much and just threw this into my lunch for work just as a mild treat. But WOW was I wrong.

For me, this was pretty great! I couldn't tell you what all the individual flavors were. In fact I thought they were just all the same flavor but I liked it. It has a familiar gummy texture a nice sour flavor and pretty much a fruit salad flavor. I loved it. I actually had to stop myself from eating them all so I could have Sarah try them since she also likes sour gummys.

Much to my surprise she said it tasted like watermellon. Maybe I was eating them too fast. I don't know but what I do know is that they are delicious. In hindsight the shape and packaging seems hokey since I like the flavor but in a world where there is already too many gummy snacks I guess you have to stand out. I suppose its kitsch factor elevates it as a gift item. All I know is that I won't turn down these as a gift in the future I just won't microwave them in butter next time.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

.fOOrD BLOrG. drinks ov the sun

Yeah, so I am aware that the weather is getting warmer. People are so starved for the sun. Yadda yadda yadda. I don't have seasonal depression. I don't get sad from the rain. I love the rain. I love the grey. I love living in PDX. See where I and others differ is the sun.

When the sun comes out it brings things......things like men in open toed shoes, shirtless men with misshapen bodies, thighs-why can't people keep their thighs hidden?, street musicians ( There is a reason people aren't paying to hear your music. You shouldn't punish unsuspecting citizens with your horrid bleating) and pollen. Yes, rain not only keeps Californians from moving here and making PDX a series of strip malls and terra cotta but the rain also keeps pollen out of the air. It is about the time people start talking about pretty flowers that I can't see anymore. My eyes get even redder and puffy and I look like a stoner. Great. The sun also does one other thing-it makes people thirsty. Which brings us to our first bevvy-
I didn't know there was a fruit called that either. Sarah and I found this at Fubon on 82nd. I have no idea why it is called ice drink. It is just juice. Weird tasting juice. Pretty much it tasted like raspberries and something like a strawberry. The weird part is it kinda coated your mouth like milk but there is no milk. Hmmm. Suspicious. I give this drink 3 backrolls showing thru an Old Navy tube top out of 5. Below is their description-
Next is another flavor from Sarah and I's favorite mint water producing company 'Metromint'.
This drink tastes like amoxacilan. (Yea I know I spelled that wrong. I ain't no farm-a-cyst.) Seriously this stuff is neither fun nor refreshing to drink. It tastes like bad mint and crappy candy. If it had a salt aspect to it I'd think it came from Mexico. It is that bad. It gets 2 fire engine red skinned gingers trying to have fun at the beach out of 5.
What is that right? This can is so bewildering. It is almost like they wanted to sell on curiosity alone. Like have the label ask more questions than answer them. Milkis? Wha? Is it milk? Does it have bubbles? Melon flavored? Why does that man have a top hat which says sophistacated and a ballon which reads child like fun? Lets pour it in a glass and inspect-
Huh? Ok enough delay. This drink is surprisingly good. It is lightly carbonated. It does have some milk powder in the recipe and it does taste just like fresh melon. It is pretty fun as well. However I didn't want to drink the whole can. A few sips was just fine for me. This beverage gets 4 your butt is eating your short shorts out of 5.
So hat to do with the leftover Milkis? Well it is getting to be summer-
If you have never frozen something carbonated what happens is the bubbles leave little flavor tubes throughout. It makes a popsicle way better and lighter feeling. That doesn't mean a beer shaved ice is a good idea. Trust me.

Note* All of these beverages were acquired with the awesome Sarah who now has a blog of her own. Be a deer and check her out @

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

.FOOrD BLOrG. cHorcolorts

Oh experimentation! New experiences! Variations! The excitement of going beyond the familiar! So many positive things can be said about straying form the well worn path of the ordinary. Last night for instance, Sarah and I went to Aviary on Alberta and we had things we have never tried before : pigs ear, goji berries, lotus bulb, and beer ice cream with a coffee gelee to name a few. Aviary succeeded for us because those steering it from the kitchen are not taking the well worn path of the ordinary. They aren't settling for the tired farm to table trend where pretty much all those restaurants serve the same dishes driven by the seasons. (Yawn. I get it asparagus is in season. Yippee!)

There is however a chance that straying the well worn path will end in unfavorable results. Today is a day for that story. You see, two weeks ago Sarah and I went on another adventure to a food pod on Belmont. (The sandwich place LARDO is awesome btw.) Before walking back to the car Sarah said she wanted to check out a strip of businesses and see what is there. One of the places was called CHOCOLAB. I know, I am not a big chocolate person but I had to see what this was all about. I was hoping it was a laboratory run by an actual chocolate labrador who scampered about barking nonsense to its employees who don't speak dog and make bad personal choices like working for a dog.....sadly it wasn't. What it was/is, is a chocolate shop that had some things to offer my blorg. Now we could have chosen a marshmellow something and a carmel something but we didn't. We chose 4 different truffles. You can see the flavors below:
Sorry about the blurry pic. Our pals Keith and Erin came over that night and the four of us split these four truffles. Here is the breakdown:


Sarah-Tastes grainy...could be the glitter.

Keith-eh. Nothing great.

Erin- Tastes like chocolate.

dirk- Not great chocolate.

(This really was the most unremarkable truffle I have had. Forgettable at best.)


Sarah- Tastes like dried strawberries.

Keith-Tastes like the chocolate that wonka allows the oompa loompas to eat. You know, not the good stuff.

Erin- It is like eating uncooked brownies.

dirk- It is also gritty. I get no balsamic at all.

Sarah-If you blindfolded a person they would think this is blue cheese.

Keith- Bad cheese. I taste bad cheese.

Erin-I taste a little basil..?

dirk-It tastes like earthy blue cheese. That seems pretty far off target from blackberry peppercorn which I taste neither of.


Sarah-It really smells like curry. I kinda want to puke

Keith- Acrid.

Erin-It tastes like christmas's assh*le.

dirk-Horrid. Sticks in your craw making it hard to talk.

This last flavor was the worst!!!! So foul and unbalanced. These seem like experiments that didn't turn out. Like they should be in the sale bin. Not 2.50 each for a tiny disgusting truffle. They lady at chocolab had said they had changed their name. I am guessing that will happen again because selling sick snacks is bad for business.

Now lets review: trying new or different things is great!! But prepare yourself for some not so great experiences along the way and learn to laugh at those times rather than being bitter and sour. (like these truffles) Now if you'll excuse me I need to take this labrador into the vet cuz somebody taped test tubes to his paws and there was an acccident with a bunsun burner.....which didn't involve me. hmmm.

(Below you can see how much of each tiny truffle was left after four adults tried them. That is some darn gross chorcolorts!)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

.(not a) FOOrD BLOrG.

I'd like to let you in on a little secret I have about this blog. The backbone of it is tongue in cheek. See, the internet makes it possible for anyone to post their opinions about things even if the place within them that they are posting from is completely uneducated on the subject. That is why my blog is a collection of drawings that I hope you enjoy and pseudo/reviews of odd snacks. This blog or as I like to say blorg is about sharing a laugh not condemning anything. That is why I always encourage people to go forth and try the different items for themselves.

However a majority of reviews of anything really are mostly about one thing: personal taste. Now there is nothing wrong with personal taste I just think it is often used to judge things that we maybe don't understand the mechanics of. That is why you hear somebody (an idiot) say 'that movie is stupid.' That person doesn't mean that the film, in question, lacks ordinary quickness but rather that the film doesn't equate to their personal tastes. Of course that same person might also be referring to the films mismatched tone, poorly constructed character arch, or the blatant trope but chances are if they understand what those things are they didn't use 'stupid' to describe it. What does this have to do with food? Nothing. I have a cold and can't taste food. I can, however, watch movies.

A person in my class once said "for somebody who is so funny, you sure don't like many comedies..". What he was referring to were films he had seen and loved like "Macgruber", "The other guys", "Taldega Nights"....etc. Now I am not going to argue the merits of these films (it is enough to even call them films) but sum up what I like in other films. When comedy is most effective for me is when I have to think. When a line is said and I have to take a mental turn to get the joke. Where the concept isn't so formulaic and blatantly exposed so a wide audience can get the joke....................................................................................................................................................
get the joke.

I like the layers of comedy. I like the word play of comedy. I like the different formats that you can explore in comedy. I like when people f*ck with your expectations in comedy! If I already know what is coming then I am not entertained anymore. American comedy has been dead for years. At least in a mainstream sense. Anything good has been leeched from overseas. Then americanized and dumbed down. My point is that, for me, dick and ball jokes and naming people cunth isn't funny nor cleaver. Not because I am above potty humor at all. It just is all people have been writing and it is BORING.

Which finally brings me to the reason for my post:
I saw this a while ago but it hasn't been widely received here in the states. Well now it is on instant watch on NETFLIX. So people have no reason to not see it. What it is, is what also keeps people from seeing it. It is a comedy dealing with suicide bombers. Hold on for a second and listen. If people could handle Dr. Strangelove then, than you can handle this now.

The thing for me about watching this film again is how well it is written. I was hanging on their every word and the acting is so fantasticly done. If this was done here it would have some hambox like Ferrell dorkin' about mugging at the camera. I know I have been a little preachy here but I hate that an important comedy like this will be chosen 100 times less than a film called Milf or Grown-ups....Ok, I will go now. See you next week with 2 chocolate posts.