Tuesday, December 21, 2010

.Jeff Goldbloomin' onion.


(Side note: As I type this I am also watching 'The Expendables'. So every few sentences I pause to do a round house kick and a few hundred squat thrusts.) Since September I have been excited about this post. Sarah found me a website that carried these variations on the Kit Kat and no matter the price I had to have them. Thank you Japan, for another tasty assignment. Why did it take so long? It didn't, I had a list of other items to review before this awesome assortment and I had to have The Tasteam with me. (You might recall me reffering to them previously as Team Tounge but seeing as they are brother and sister I had to change that for obvious reasons. ) Sarah was our note taker and since we we are discussing so many flavors I am presenting this post in just the recorded responses. Without further adiou I give you Kit Katties!!!Number one: Soy sauce

Dave-smells like pancakes, tastes like white chocolate. Dave was dissapointed

Sarah-eh, I am uninterested

dirk-doesn't like it.

Ultimately- We think there was a mix up at the Nestle factory. It only had a mild scent once Dave put a piece in each nostril. None of it remotely smelled or tasted of soy sauce.
Aloe Vera Yogurt-

Dave-like licking handy sandy. (he kept eating it)

Sarah-smells like grandma and tastes like lotion.

dirk-soap, it is worse than the first. hope it doesn't give you diarhea like soap. so i heard....

Ultimately, this went as expected. sickly.
Maple Syrup-

Dave-smells like maple. tastes like maple. like the maple spread from flavor spot

Sarah-Yep. maple

dirk-not bad. pretty accurate. finally a breakfast candybar.

Ultimately, it is what it promises. Not bad at all.
Salt Carmel Crunch Bar-

Dave-smells like carmel popcorn. I hate it, crappy popcorn poopie pants. It goes with my crappy four loko.

Sarah-the salt flavor lingers

dirk-this is disgusting. who sweat on my candy bar. I am not eating anymore of this.blech.

Ultimately, least popular. Totally disgusting.
Lemon Ramune-

Dave-smells like lemon...lemony snickits. it is good.

Sarah-I like. I ate the mosty.

dirk-fruity pebbles, it smells of fruity pebbles and tastes like fruity loops.

Ultimately, a surprisingly fun snackie.


Dave-WOW. This is the best snack I have eaten with you. So effin' good!

Sarah-smells like sour cola candies. it made sarah burpie....

dirk-weird. oh my god THIS IS DELICIOUS!!!!

Ultimately, it had a subtle fizz to it and it was awesome. You wouldn't think cola, chocolate wafer would be even remotely good.. Major success Japan. I would eat this weekly. I would like to thank you for reading this and thank my team for eating these snackies.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

.FOOrD BLOrG. My new favorite libation!!!

Let me start off this post by admitting that I have been thinking of stopping the blorg and going back to only illustrations. I thought this would be enjoyed by more people but I haven't heard much from anyone about even finding these little eats and drinks interesting. But if you are the one person who enjoys it don't fret I still have a few great things to report on. Now on to this impromptu post about my new passion in life. Flemish sour ales.

This is the first sour ale I found and I found it at Pastaworks on Hawthorne. It was 4 dollars for one 12 ounce bottle. Spendy? Yes. Worth it? Yes. I had heard about this type of beer but never sought it out because I heard that it has alot of cherry flavor and I don't like cherries. There are an impressive amount of information about the production of sour ales or beers online so I won't bother you with that because all you need to know is IT IS GOOD!
1- slight sweet nose.

2-Whoa. I was expecting a beery flavored beer. Not even close. A thin mouth feel not big bodied or foamy. Tiny bubbles enhance the light sour flavor.

3-This is like champagne almost. Sinfully delicious. It is good that this is only 5% alcohol because this goes down smooth. Being that it is so very refreshing and the complexity is so intriguing and sour that the second the flavor recedes from your pallette you go back for another drink.

This beverage was good but I had my sights set on the grandaddy of sour ales. See there is one place where they age the beer in giant casks and they are renouned for their beer craft. I am referring to Rodenbach. We made a special trip to Beer Mongers on Division and 12th and purchased the limited edition 2007 in a beautiful champagne type bottle for 16 bones.
Holy crap! If you are thinking that 16 bux is too much you are sooooo wrong. Ok so here is the thing, I like drinking beer because it is cold and refreshing. That is why I choose it over wine every time. You might be saying 'well, white wine is served cold." Yes, but my palette doesn't find white wine enjoyable. Champagne however is good BUT a sparkling red blows my mind. Rodenbach is like beer plus sparkling red. It is heavenly. If I was rich I would have this in my fridge at all times. This bevvy is sooo good that I just stood in the kitchen with my good friend Keith and we just stared at our glasses in between drinks of it. 16 dollars to share something special with friends is worth every penny. If you don't agree then chances are you are an a-hole. Sorry you had to find out that from a food blog.

Normally this is where I would break down the experience but there is no point. If you are still reading this buy it for yourself you deserve it and if you have a friend who likes beer or fine wine buy it for them. The flavor is sour yet complex with cranberry, cherry, oak notes....or something....I can't think about it anymore I am making myself drink crazy!!!!!!whew....sorry. Till next time.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Yes my friends drink it all in! Your eyes are not deceiving you. There on that can is a little kid with what looks like a beer. Finally there is a beverage fit to wash down those chalky candy cigarets. KIDS BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I apologize for the excessive punctuation but I am quite excited that this product is real...and of course from Japan. The story is that this beverage was created so that kids could drink what looks like beer while their fathers drink real beer.
So it was designed to look like, pour, and foam like beer but for kids. Lets say it together 'KIDS BEER!' Feels good doesn't it. Well, down the hatch:

1-It smells like apple cider.

2-It tastes slightly of apples with a hint of bubblegum.

3-What surprises me about this is that it isn't too sweet and the bubbles are really subtle.

4-Not much of a lingering.....Hold on, you've got to look at this kid's face holding the beer.
He is just so happy. Look at him. 'Yea I am drinking beer for kids!!' Thats what I imagine he is saying...cuz thats what I am saying! Now that I think about it why isn't sparkling cider called kids champagne? Thats what adults have used it for on New Years and at weddings for years. Now we just need kids weed because Smarties are already kids cocaine. Not to mention Pixie stixs and the list goes on.....But I think what we really need to focus on here is that as parents we model behavior for our children. So if you are drinking around your children while they drink their kids beer please do so in moderation. No not because it sets a bad example otherwise but because your kids will be super chubby from all that soda. Then when they go to school kids will make fun of them. Which will happen because kids are real mean. (mainly because your soul doesn't form until you are 25) Then your kid will come home feeling bad and reach for a cold kids beer to take the edge off and there you are with a vicious cycle. So please do what this company did and think of the kids.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


Here we have a battle of hard candy. Oh yeah! IT IS ON! Whatever that means.... This battle is big and includes America vs. Japan vs. Mexico. This time it is personal and the battlefield is your own mouth! (that was my intro)Up first, JAPAN!!! Candy sticks. I have no idea what they are called and I can't find them on the website I ordered but lets face it nobody who reads this buys this crap anyway but I digress. I bought two boxes of these candies each with 2 flavors. Apple, Pineapple, Lemon, and Grape. I won't get into each different flavor just the overall execution.

1-no scent

2-While each flavor is different each has a mentionable amount of sourness. Which I like. The outside of each stick is semi-hard candy and the inside is a mix of hard candy and carbonation.

3-These are pretty good. Grape is my favorite.

4-No after taste.

The thing about this snack is it is kinda like stick candy/ hard candy version of nerds. Think about it. Only nerds are more fun. (That is a t-shirt) Overall a good candy, quite different, interesting fizzy sour goodness. Well done Japan. Moving on let us see what America has for us...

Bottle Pop? Ok, this seems innocent enough right? Well no it isn't and I will tell you why. Look in the picture at the tiny word above 'Bottle Pop'. Yeah, 'baby' is the word. Ok. Nobody other than babies should use a bottle because of what is on top of the bottle. A nipple. Yea, which didn't occur to me until I tried to enjoy this perversion of candy. Ugh, here we go:

1- The candy part has no smell but the powder smells like awesome strawberry smells. See, you take the top and lick it then stick it into the bottle and turn it upside down so that it gets covered in strawberry powder. The powder sticks to your spit and then you put the candy crusted spit back into your mouth. Sound fun? Did I mention that you are sucking on a fake nipple then dipping your spit covered nipple in candy dust and then put the coagulated candy dirt spit covered fake nipple back in your mouth. Yeah, I know I should have put this all together but i didn't 'before' but I sure did when it was in my mouth.

2-Who cares what it tastes like. You have to be buying this product cuz you have some serious issues and or fetishes. If you do buy these I know you are wondering why they don't make milk flavored bottle pops. Sickos. Well done Merica.
Oh man, so here we are Mexico. I know we have had our differences but here is your chance to turn it all around.

1-Kinda smells like fruit leather....and chili powder. Oh man, I thought this was just watermelon. Damn it Mexico. Now I gotta put this in my mouth...oh man.

2-Great. It tastes like prunes. Prunes with a salty subtle chili flavor. Imagine if you will that you put on slippers made of fruit leather and jog in chili powder until your feet sweat in your fruit leather slippers. Then you stop jogging and remove your slippers and wrap them around a stick and put it in your mouth. Oh did that make you sad? Yeah well imagine how my mouth feels! Mexico you have done it again.

3-F-you mexico.

In closing (we checked) the stick is supposed to look like it has been in a rectum.

.FOOrD BLOrG. tablets

Well, here we have another japanese confection this time in tablet form. What drew me to this item was that it is apple squash flavor. And I think also supposed to be like a soda candy as well. Enough talk lets get to eating:

1-Subtle scent (my new ambient electronic project) of candied apple maybe...

2-Not too exciting on the tounge. There is a ever so slight tingle of carbonation. Not really that sweet.

3-I don't get any squash flavor. A tiny amount of apple flavor but mostly just a chalky unfortunate taste.

4-The flavor dissapates as quick as it arrives.

Well, what can you say about a snack that doesn't do much? Not much. I appologise for the time between this and the last post. This is a meager return I know but the goods are coming rest assured. Lastly, I leave you with the robomoose creature on the container.