.FOOrD BLOrG. Chocolate wonders....

My mind is constantly distracted from the mundane day to day goings on by thoughts of wonder. For instance, a t-shirt is probably called that because it is shaped like the letter t but then why aren't long sleeve shirts called floppy t-s? Or droopy t-s? Or saggy t-s? And who was the person who named a sweatshirt? They were obviously wearing it in the wrong climate. Maybe they were at somebody's house and spilt mustard on their shirt and said "hey can I borrow one of your flacid t-s?" only to go out in 95 degree weather and say "hey thanks for the shirt...or should I say sweat shirt!" (The dude in that scenerio is a total d-bag.) This is an example of my wonderfiles. Yep that is what they are called. Coincidentally this blog was almost called 'wonderfiles' and then it was almost 'wonder years' but Winnie Cooper threatened me with bodily harm.

Anywho, one of the things that I wonder about frequently on this blog is "who wanted this?" I figure each snack was created because somebody saw a lack of this product in the market. They figured they liked it and so everyone would. Or something. Either way it is like they say there is someone for everyone. There is also a snack for everyone. I just might not be the one.

So today we shall sample some chocolorts. Or chocolates, whatever. As you may know if you have read this blogity blog 'I am not a fan of chocolate.' People hydrating themselves with chocolate carmel coffee drinks makes my throw-up throw-up. That is just me. It isn't my thing but then sweetarts might not be your thing. (Now that is weird to me.) So once again I will try to be objective. I said "try".

Alright, so first up we have AERO which we found in New York. The packaging reads 'smoothest ever taste' which sounds like a bad engrish translation. And then below the O it tells you to 'feel the bubbles'. Ok Nestle, let me just start of by saying I don't like my snacks to tell me what to do. Secondly, what part of 'feel the bubbles' isn't creepy sounding to you? A stranger in a van saying "get in my van" sounds less creepy than "feel the bubbles". Regardless I was intrigued by this candy bar. I wondered if it would have fizz in it. Here is a photo of the inside.
Now I assume this candy is from England or somewhere other than here as i had never seen it. The wrapping told me very little about the contents or flavor. How was it? Well, lets start by saying don't run out and buy one. The chocolate is waxy. The inside is light and somewhat minty. Somewhat. There really isn't a large amount of flavor here. It isn't offensive but it isn't that good either. If you had to choose between this candy and another, I'd choose the other candy and tell nestle to go feel their own bubbles. I give this chocolate a 2-why are fire ants called fire ants and hornets aren't called Flying non-stop stabbing you with our asses bugs. Out of 5.

Secondly we have Joys which is a chocolate covered jelle. Yeah, I was pretty sickened by the existence of this one. Who is the weird person that was eating a chuckle and thought I sure wish this had cheap chocolate on it. That is what this needs, cheap waxy chocolate.

This treat was also found in New York in the Candy Warehouse. I am pretty sure Sarah found both of these actually. She has a good eye for treat hunting. Well when I unwrapped it, it looked like it was oozing or sweating. MMMMM. Then I cut it open and behold!
Oh man, who wouldn't want to eat that? Who could resist room temperature jello and wax? Me. But for the sake of science I ate some. Not very great is a very kind way to put it. Imagine dipping a taper candle into smuckers jam. Now imagine eating that while you have a cold. Oh and the candle is from the dollar tree. Oh and the jam isn't really jam it is just melted no name brand gummy bears on the dashboard of a el camino parked in front of the dollar tree. Hungry yet? Me neither. I give this snack a 1-why is a baby carrot just a wittled down full grown carrot but you can't make a human baby the same way-out of five.
Ok our last chocolate today is from Russia. Now I know what you are thinking: Russians aren't really known for the chocolate or beers or personality and you are correct. But this candy is supposed to be a chocolate covered banana. Where do russians get bananas? I don't know. Is this a typical russian treat? I don't think so. But we live in a russian area and this snack was at a russian meat store so I had to get it. I like the monkey on the wrapper. It is kind of fun. I am glad the monkey isn't telling me to "feel the bubbles" especially since Michael Jackson had a monkey name bubbles. So I removed the wrapper and lets just say I was not impressed by their design. Have a look!
Now I am not saying that it looks like anything gross... I am sure that is what a chocolate banana looks like. Right? uh.... Yeah. So how was it?

sick.

Very bad. You can see in the photo that the shell is cracked and exposing the weird yellow center. The density of the center is odd. Upon biting into it, your mouth is filled with grit. Who doesn't want a gritty banana? The gritty banana sounds like a porn move doesn't it? Anyway, it doesn't taste like chocolate and it doesn't taste like banana. Which I was relieved by. But what it did taste like I am unsure of. Mostly the sick texture was my concern. The grit in your mouth slowly equates to a muddy sludge which then you swallow it down. MMM. I bet all the russian kids buy these by the bunch. (see what I did there, banana pun. It was a certain a-peel!) I give this morsel of regret a .5-can a color blind person feel blue-out of five.

Well that is all for this depressing assortment of candy. I promise that you will enjoy the next edition. I swear it. Thanks for your time and cheers.

p.s. Isn't any shirt a sweatshirt when worn in the wrong climate?