Oh sure, bacon water. Why not right? This was found for me by the awesome Erin. (Thanks Erin.) By this time everyone knows Voodoo Donuts bacon maple bar, bacon covered in chocolate, bacon jelly beans, etc... There are allot of bacon snacks in the world. So lets discuss why this exists: there you are eating your egg white omelet and your doctor said you can't eat bacon because of your health. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe you already have egg water and need bacon on the go. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe you worship a giant gold pig and need a substitution for holy water. Sure, bacon water. Or maybe not. Lets explain the NOT.This cauldron of pure evil smelled like a wet ashtray took a poop in an old cowboy boot. Seriously. Everything about this was telling me 'DON'T DO IT." Alas I never look a gift horse in the mouth.... even if it smells like it is experiencing gastrointestinal issues and its mane is smoldering. So I picked up the glass and my brain said "Just don't and say you did!?!" I put the glass to my lips and the evil filled my mouth. It was at that moment that my throat closed as if to say "this is not meant for consumption". Then my eyes welled full of tears and my mouth kicked in with the mouth watering pre-vomit rinse. I was in trouble. Sarah said my face looked like I was going to puke. Which was correct. One hundred percent correct. I was seconds from regurgitating a truly delicious dinner in the name of Bacon tabs. Luckily for me I was 2 steps from the sink and spit it out along with several mouthfuls of panic saliva. I then rinsed my mouth out with buckets of water and attempted to regain my composure.
I almost tried this by myself and I am glad I didn't. Having a witness to this terrible experience made it extra special. I have learned through these posts that it is always better to share. Sadly after my experience Sarah was less than eager to try it. To be honest I wouldn't care to have somebody who is my super buddy feel what I felt. I know this product is marketed as a novelty. I would strongly argue that there is no novelty in this experience.
Usually the snack gift reviews I would liken to a funny harmless youtube video. This was more like the videos where one friend asks another to kick him in his naughty bits. Sure he is suffering but he asked his friend to do it and now everyone can laugh with them in their pain. Only instead of my bits, it was my mouth and instead of Erin's foot it was Bacon tabs. Don't think for a second though that I harbor any ill will. Heck, I didn't even demand retribution. (And I always do) That is a test of true friendship. I really can't talk about this anymore as I am getting quezzzzzy. I will leave you with a still of the brewing evil adversary I had to face.
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