.FOOrD BLOrG. Beat the heat (to death and eat its face meats!!!!)

Is the title too intense? I can't tell. This time of year it tends to get hotter and that entails some tricks to help me cope with a rise in my internal temperature. If that help doesn't arrive on time I may react a tad on the extreme side of things and I may seem like I am melting and/or dying. At that point I may demand retribution. (which is confusing for most around me at the time.) I know I have warned you all of this before but in an effort to better flesh out the resistance tactics against the evil sun, here are some other ways to beat the heat....or not.

The first style of defense is BEER!!!
You might be thinking I picked this because of the label. Ok I did. I can't help it! It is in my goth/industrial blood that I am drawn to boneyards and decay. You say tomato and I say grim reaper, I can't shake it so why not embrace it.?. Really this label looks more like an Enigma album cover than a good goth record but whatever. You can see in the bottom of the picture that the alcohol content is 11.5. Normally I really dislike anything over 7 or so but this was delicious!

It is not too dark but it is plenty complex. I had a picture of the side label but it was far too blurry to include. It did have a ton of information about berry notes, chocolate, etc... A long list.

I couldn't make out any individually but the flavor was far more sophisticated than most darker ales I have had. Being that I don't drink a bunch of dark beers, I couldn't finish it. The richness and weight ultimately was too much for me. If it was a really hot day I don't think this would be refreshing unless you were about to lay down in a hammock and take a nap. I give this beer a 3 why do hipsters make shorts out of dress pants and wear deck shoes, out of 5. Next!!!
This peculiar little guy was found at my local asian mart that I gladly shop at rather than our extra methy Plaid Pantry. Seriously that Plaid is terrifying. So there I was staring at the beer selection when I saw something new.?. That is weird because he has had the same options forever. This intrigued me and I couldn't stop coming back to it so I picked up a six pack. Yes, you could only buy a six pack. A gamble to say the least on a blueberry beer.

The flavor is pleasant. It isn't light which helps it to not taste like a wine cooler or a fourloko. You taste the lager first, I'd say amber maybe?, then you taste the blueberry but it isn't super crazy or too sweet. Overall, a really descent fruit beer and yes I did finish it and the other five. On separate nights though. One is fine but more could result in less than favorable results. I give this beer a 4 stretch pants are not to be worn as pants, out of five. Next up: Heat!
It is a strange concept but one way that people around the world beat the heat is by consuming spicy foods which makes the body sweat and cools it down. Yeah, I didn't make it up. That is what they are doing. These little snack rings are Habanero flavored chips from Japan. My favorite was their ghost chili rings but they discontinued them. (Sarah and I have a suspicion that anytime we like something it gets discontinued or destroyed. Recently both of our favorite restaurants have gone that way.)

Now if something says Habanero on it, it needs to bring the heat. I love habaneros! They are hot but have citrus notes. Mmmmmmm two of my favorite things. Sadly these chips have neither. I mean, really the flavor could be just spice. The heat factor was really nonexistent. What? Ok, that sh*t might fly with a chip marked hot or spicy but this snack has an army of freaking peppers on it and they look EVIL! PSTSHHHHH! This bag should have a picture of butterflies and kittens holding hands and kissing your tongue because that is more what it tastes like. (Note: that has never happened to me. It is just sunny and I warned you about the over dramatizing things.) I give this "hot" snack a 1 shorts that short are actually just panties, out of five.
Sarah got me these while she was in SF (best wife eva!) but I imagine you could find a similar item in a mexican grocer. (in their store not in the actual grocer. ewe....) They are HABANERO peanuts!!!!!!
Just look at that peanut! He is either in the middle of singing like a song about how weird it is to have arms and legs but not a body or his mouth is super hot from eating spicy peanuts....either way that is odd right??? I mean, he is a spicy peanut. Huh....

Well, no. This snack is even more of a letdown. How could it be such a letdown? Well not only is it not spicy but when you pour them into your hands, they look like they are covered in hot powder. Only when you put them in your mouth they just taste like lemons. Yeah, friggin lemons! You know what you never see in the peanut butter section of your supermarket? Peanut lemon butter. BECAUSE IT S-U-C-K-S!!!! Seriously, who are these people and what is wrong with their mouths??? Buying these and then tasting them is like joining columbia music house for a penny and then realizing 14 cds for 1 cent isn't a deal when those 14 cds are mostly Richard Marx and Jodeci cds. I give these sour nuts a 1 so glad I get to see so many sun bleached prison tats in my neighborhood out of 5.

Which brings me to my best idea to beat the heat. It is a mutant child of two of my favorite things:
Yes, the sodastream is awesome. If you drink carbonated water, you need this. It is under a hundred bucks and we have already saved that between the two of us. AND-
Cold extract coffee!! Basically you take a pound of coffee put it in a things with ten cups of water and let it brew in the fridge for 12 hours. Then run it thru a filter into this carafe. It creates a coffee concentrate that is both robust and non-acidic. I love this stuff.

Now think of this drink like this: You know in the remake of The Fly when Jeff Goldblum and the fly go into the teleporter and then they come out fused??
KABOOOOM!!!! I give you sparkling iced coffee!!! Simply prepare your sodastream liquid and add it to a glass of your cold extract coffee. The ratio is one third extract to 2/3rds sparkling water. Yummm! I give this drink a 5 bad songs playing loud out of cars with their windows rolled down out of 5.

So there you go, good luck out there. Remember to wear your sunscreen and non-opened toed shoes. Come on! Really? ugh.