.FOOrD BLOOrG. Something to chew on. (end of the year edition)

Well, here we are. The end of another year. A time when many people reflect on 365 days of happenings and look ever onward to another hopeful year of bounty and change. (Or they just get drunk and try to open mouth kiss someone at midnite) New years has always been odd to me. When you are a kid you just want to stay up late. Then you get older and you just want the champagne. Then you get older and you just want to stay home. However there are a quadrant of people who make resolutions and plan life changes and the such. I know, sounds exhausting. Now I am not one of those people but last year I made one. I decided to wear more grey and acid washed denim. It worked out nicely. Sure I didn't lose 15 lbs or save orphans or learn to skydive. (Technically everyone knows how to skydive since you are really just falling. Lets be honest, gravity is doing most of the work.) But I digress, with all this mulling over of things this seems a fitting time to return to the snack that takes time to break down, gum.

Oh, a two-fer! Well, half of this doesn't sound vomit-licious. First up today we have popcorn and cola flavored gumballs. This was a gift from Dave I think. I was happy to see that it says "2 flavors" as I think combined it would be way worse.

Yes. It looks like everything is in order here. Brown must be cola and yellow must be poopcorn. (Oops, sorry about that.) The balls have very little scent. There is a slight popcorn odor, however. I decided to warm up to the challenge by chewing the cola gum first.

Nothing. Really bland. Not even overtly sweet. I have had some amazing cola gum from Japan. This is not amazing or great or good or even ok. I thought this would be one of the high notes of this post. Boy was I wrong. Now on to -gulp- popcorn.

UGH. It tastes like popcorn. Like buttery-cinema popcorn! Why??? Who on this planet was eating popcorn and thought "I wish I had some gum for when I finish this popcorn so I can just keep this popcorn thing going." Sick!!!!!

Ok, now together.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! blarg! URP. Blech!!!! Who would want this??? Sweet, buttery, corn flavor..... Oh no. I feel noxious. I need to lay down or eat a pepto bismol factory.

I give this "treat" a .5- i will watch every Shirley Temple movie and try to eat less carbs-out of 5.

Ah. Sarah brought me the next three entries and they all hail from Japan. Oh Japan, you wonderful land of candy which I find far superior to my homeland. (Not you, Sweetarts. I love you.) The first of the three is peach and it hails from the Bourbon company. I won't go into the history of the company but if you want to know: http://www.bourbon.co.jp/english/company/history.html

I have tried a few of their products and they have been pretty solid. This gum is no exception. It is peach.  Upon unwrapping it you are hit with a pungent sweet peach perfume. The smell reminds me of buying peach-o's as a kid. You know, when you could walk up to the counter and open the plastic tub of them and use crappy plastic tongs to retrieve the peach flavored gummy. The flavor is solid and peach-tastic but as with most stick gum, the flavor dissipates far too quickly. I mean why keep chewing it if the flavor goes away? Why not just make it candy? Is there someone that is thinking "I like candy but I don't like swallowing the candy. I'd like the sweetness and at the same time create more waste." Why not just skip the gum and flavor the wrapper? Then you just chew on the paper and spit it out. Actually why don't we flavor every recyclable material and then the homeless can eat and help the planet at the same time? No?
Well not all my ideas can be good ones. I give this snack a 3- I am going to learn tap dance and morse code-out of 5.

Next up is Grape. Possibly my favorite flavor of candy from Japan. They just do it so very right. This one, however, is a bit more american in flavor style. In what way? First off, it smells like Hubba Bubba grape gum. Yeah. Which is pretty rad. Then there is the taste. Totally like the smell. This business is just like classic grape hubba bubba gum only in stick form. That part is a shame because the smooshy pillowy goodness of hubba bubba is part of the pleasure factor. That aside, this sh*t is delicious. In fact I am chewing three pieces right now and I am in grape heaven. Downside: flavor fades after 3 minutes. Upside: that is like 3 minutes in heaven. (Not the game where you try to get to 3rd bass in a dark closet. And not the 3rd bass that rapped about pop goes the weasel.) I give this snack a 4.5- I am going to jog a marathon and only eat raw foods.......and judge EVERYONE!-out of 5.

I feel like I have covered this. Maybe not. So here we have classic Lotte Ginseng gum. Another in the stick variety. My amazing wife found this for me and it smells like dirt. (That isn't her fault but seriously it smells like dirt.) It smells kind like if you put ben gay on your hand and then stuck your hand in dirt and then smelled it. Yea, it smells like earth medicine. (my new hippie jam band) Which I guess makes sense since ginseng is medicinal and from the earth. The taste is like the earth. Really earthy. I cannot stress that enough. Did I saw earthy yet? EARTHY. Yeah, wow. Ok after about a minute of earthyness there is a bit of sweetness and ginsengness. Overall, not my favorite thing. Pretty far from my favorite. (earthy) See here is my problem: it isn't bad but I like my ginger and ginseng items to not be sweet. Just give me the raw power of those things. You don't need to go and make everything super sweet. I give this gum a 2-I am going to travel the world with google earth-out of 5.

Ok. Lastly we have Mastic. Sarah and I found this at an ethnic grocery. I think it was Lebanese. I think. This gum is quite interesting. You can read all about the health benefits by clicking on this link.
http://www.life-enhancement.com/article_template.asp?id=1678

Alas I am no doctor. I just want to eat it. It has no scent at all. Biting into it there is a slight sweetness as the candy shell crackles between your teeth. The from within its center comes a raging earthyness. Wait. Seriously? More earthyness? Come on!

As can be expected from something that fights stomach ulcers and kills bacteria on your teeth: it sucks to eat it. It is not good. So that you don't have to buy this and try it simply go outside and dig up something with a root. Now put that dirty root in your mouth. Mmmmmm. Now go wash out your dirty root mouth.
 I give this snack a 1-I am going to spend more time with family and quit drinking...maybe not-out of 5.