Spring is here. Time to pick some flowers..(Oh my god. That is the worst intro ever. Can we just look at that for a second. Both of us just hold this moment. Ugh. It feels gross doesn't it? I deleted a heavy intro about women vs. men and the difficulty of not being overly masculine (overly? You say.) and that is the intro you get? Yes. I am sorry. I am trying to not be so heavy handed in the intro. So lets just pretend that those two short piddly sentences are just great comedy gold. How about you laugh really loud and it will make me feel better. Just pretend that this post started with me saying:
Anytime I see a person hang-gliding I assume that they are a time traveller from 1982.
or
You see less smiles at a craft fair than at a goth night.
or
I am pretty sure the inventor of high fives would view "punching it in" the same way Beethoven would view Kid Rock. #Bullsh!t.
or
Wishing wells are casinos for the amish.
or
Sure when you eat it you call it Asparagus but when you pee it becomes despair-a-gross. #Am I right?
or
My gym hated my promotional idea: Win a free month by guessing how many farts are in the yoga studio.
(I know. Cheap move to recycle things I have posted on Twitter. But get used to it because the 1-5 scale is all them sum b!tches)
So today we are sitting down to eat some chocolates yet again. Sarah is going to be helping me out here so lets get to it.
First up we have a Japanese Kit Kat. Incase you don't know "sakura" is cherry blossom and "maccha" is a finely ground green tea powder and a "latte" is gross. I mean it is a coffee drink made with steamed milk or soy milk....and it is gross. (Jk. But seriously I don't like cream or milk in my coffee. It isn't my thing.)
What a cute box these six tiny expensive Kit Kat sticks come in. I mean look at that little flap. Obviously the person who designed it doesn't understand how keys work but that is ok.
Looks pretty good right? Well here is the break down:
S-Hmm. It tastes like a condensed milk Kit Kat. I don't get any rose in aroma or taste.
d- I get no rose at all. This is pretty close to a non-chocolate Kit Kat.
I wish we could expand on that but honestly that is how long we "enjoyed" this snack. I was expecting strong rose flavor or heavy green tea taste but what they delivered on here is that milk. That lovely latte milk. No thanks. Shame on you Japan. I give this snack a 2-It would seem to me that Tracy Chapman would be great at Nascar commentary#YouDriveAFastCar-out of 5.
Sarah found this for me. As I have said before: these expensive chocolate bars can be quite tricky. They seem to bloat the packaging with as many buzzwords in an attempt to hook a yuppie into spending 8 bucks or whatever. (Also who let that jester into the tea room? That clown is going to break something or defile the finger sandwiches. You know he is.)
Blah blah blah.....Hold up. Skip down to the second paragraph. Read those first two sentences. Now if you aren't the least bit creeped out by that than this chocolate is for you. No. You can't argue. If you are into that than you are weird. Like cat lady fashion blogger weird. Like frog statue collecting weird. Like you smell like off cheese weird. You get the point.
Well it looks unassuming. Here is the breakdown:
S-It smells like a delicious chai. It tastes like a delicious chai. Good chocolate with great flavor. (She went back for seconds....Personally I bet she will finish it tonight.)
d-Oh yeah. Super good. Really nice chai flavor. Wow. Delivers 100% as promised. Hot damn.
If you like chocolate and or chai then you deserve this. It is great. I kind of want to make smores out of it. I also kind of want to drink an espresso but if I am awake I want to drink an espresso. I give this snack a 5-If you answer anything with "nunya" I will stab you in the throat. Not because you are a terrible person (also true) but because it is my kill word.-out of 5.
Ok.Remember when we ate chocolate that had beef and cheese in it? Well we did and this also hails from Neapolitan Chocolates. Rose-berry? Come on! How adorable is that? It sounds like a kid with a head cold is saying "rosemary."
Oh geez. It is super cute. Look at that little fella.
Oh no. I cut him all up and now I have to eat his brains! (And everything else...)
S-Hmmm. It is weird because the chocolate is good but then the rose comes in and it tastes like someone spilled perfume on my chocolate.
d-Whoa. Weird. Yet again their chocolate is good. However when it finishes with the rose it is not quite enjoyable. I also don't get any berry.
S-It is the little dried raspberry or strawberry on top. Also I would like to add in all realness that if you were in the movie The Avengers that you would be THE INCREDIBLE HUNK. On the account that you are so hunktacular and hot..and strong. and dreamier than Leonardo in Romeo and Juliet. (Ok she didn't say that last part...)
d-Oh.
Ultimately this candy fell short of being amazing. Which is sad because the core of what they have going on here is solid. The chocolate is tasty and the soft center is scrumptious but sadly the rose is a no go.
I give this snack a 2-I just took an instagram of my FB, pinned it on my pinterest board and tweeted the occasion. Why am I still so empty inside? #FakeAccomplishments-out of 5.
Well that is that. Next week we have three exciting beverages. (Spoiler alert!) As always I am open to snack suggestions. Just say howdy to me on twitter: dirk_marshall or find me on the FB.(maybe not.)
I wil leave you with two more tweets.
"It is so hard to ride a bike with your ho." #UrbanGardener
"Why isn't there a catholic fight club called Taberknuckle choir? #ICheckedThereIsNun
*No I didn't post this as an add for my twitter. I was sitting staring at the first two sentences on this post and thought "really? This is the memorable intro? I will just look at my twitter and maybe I will be inspired. Instead I found that I had forgotten all of these sentences I had posted. These thoughts that I had had. Pretty weird. I started one just as a place to put thoughts and not really to use a social tool. So I thought I would share it here once. Take care.
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