"Ever since I can remember I have sensed evil lurking around every corner and in every smile." -ME
Nothing like a little self love to kick it off right? (That isn't what I meant...Oh man, this is going all sideways already. (sigh)) My point is something I have touched on before. There are things or ways of being that reside in people forever. There are punks that will always be punk to some degree. It is a deep well within them that loves The Dead Kennedys and giving people the middle finger. This is just how things are. Me? I will always be an industrial-goth-kid. I am not ashamed of it. What does that entail you ask? Well, I don't paint my face white and cry in my fishnets but I do love The Cure (pre fat Bob) Cocteau Twins, Clan of Xymox, This Mortal Coil, etc... And by and large I feel like most of this world is unnecessary and utterly ridiculous. The industrial side of me loves Throbbing Gristle , Ministry, Chemlab, 16volt, Funker Vogt, and Combichrist. I might not be wearing a work shirt and Docs but believe me I am bitter pretty often. In my opinion, one needs the goth side for emotional depth and the industrial side to move more in their life and wallow less. I would say I am 80/20 : industrial to goth ratio.
I recently watched a sub par documentary about the beginning of industrial music and one total idiot said that listening to Nine Inch Nails "The downward spiral" is devastating.... Really? Frat boy? Better go listen to Cake or Limp Biquick. (Frat guys are like way into baking, right?) If you are aware and even comfortable that evil exists than dark things are less jarring and depressing. Hell. They aren't even dark anymore. Which I think is more healthy and realistic. Basically what I am saying is that there are people who go to a park and think "What a great place." and there are those of us (wearing spf 50 at least) who think "Why are we outside and just think about all the lurid things that happen here at night."
What was my point? Oh yes, we are talking about drinks today and they are black. (Like my heart. sigh) So goth drinks it is. HERE WE GO!
Alright. What we have here is Frizz Coffee. I don't do a lot of these bottled coffee drinks because most of them contain sugar or worse-cream. I like my coffee black. (Like my heart. (sigh)) That being said, I haven't had this one yet and I was buying some other things from this international grocery on Stark street here in PDX. They sometimes have some pretty good items and this time I found three drinks. This being the first.
Sarah tried all of these as well and described this weeks post as her least favorite yet. Sounds promising right? Well the thing is- neither of us drink soda. I know that sounds almost unamerican. (spell check is telling me that isn't a word which in turn is so very American.)
S- Whoa. Way too sweet. It tastes like carbonated chocolate milk.
d-I almost like the bubbles but it is just far too sweet.
Fascinating, yes? Look at how many ounces it is. Yeah, it is a tiny bottle. We drank about an ounce each before calling it a day. How sad is that. I didn't even sneak drink it because it said coffee on it. (That says a lot)
So to recap: If sweet coffee drinks are your thing then by all means drink this. (The first ingriedient is sugar and coffee is second.) Also today I walked into a bathroom that smelled like freshly popped buttered popcorn. I almost threw up. Lets be honest, nobody had popcorn in that bathroom. What were we recapping?
I give this snack a 2- tombstones out of 5, (I am talking about the pizza. (not...sigh.)
Oh Fentimans, how I love your little cute drink bottles. So old timey. Usually so delicious. (This above angle is to show how cute the bottle is. It also makes me feel really tall. Which never happens.)
So here is an intriguing CherryTree Cola. I won't retype all the goodies in it so go on and give that label a gander. Sounds pretty awesome right? I thought so. My only problem is that I bought this so long ago that I have no idea where I got it. This drink post got super pushed back because I kept getting another and another weird thing I wanted to share first.
S- Yum. This is really good. I really like that fermented ginger root. This is my favorite of all the drinks by far.
d-The ginger really anchors the cola flavor which is lightened by the cherry's inherent sweetness. (That is not what I said. I said MMMMMM. But it is all true nonetheless.)
I included this picture of all the ingredients in a blurry photo. My god, how much more professional could I possibly be? Sweet angle as well. I should be one of d'em image catchers!!! (sigh)
This was a fabulous drink though. If you are even slightly intrigued then I would say buy it. I give this drink a 5-google search goths in trees, trust me-out of 5.
This drink was found at that aforementioned international grocery on Stark. It caught my eye and I thought that since the weather was getting better maybe a lemonade would be nice. (It also has a skull on it and skulls are scary.-sigh)
Ok. This just got a bit odd. I mean I get that they are going for a joke here but I prefer to imagine someone peer pressuring rabbits to drink black lemonade. The bunnies then trying to play it cool before blowing carrots and black lemonade everywhere. Crying shameful bunny tears. I mean they just wanted to belong. Somewhere. Anywhere.
. . .What. . . were . . . .we....Oh yeah.
Ok, lemonade. Now you are getting a little too comfortable with our relationship. You are just a bonehead! You are the one thinking that people want to drink black lemonade. Which Sarah noticed is actually blue. In your bonehead face.
What? Ok, two things here. One: No. You can't have me for life. You are trying way too hard. Two: You honestly thought "I better trademark that sweet ass skull and cross bones drawing!" You think that someone giving the opportunity to use anyones skull and crossbones that they would choose yours? I have seen better skulls drawn by children. Dead children. (sigh...too goth?)Now back to the trying too hard part. You know when you see a kid and all of his clothes are from Hot Topic. Like he really looks the scene. I feel the same way about those people as I do about this drink. You are trying to hard. It isn't about all that stuff on you. I get that you want people to think you are different. Great job. You've proved that all those people who's opinions don't matter to you DO in fact matter to you. Now quit wasting your parents money on glitter belts and lenore stickers and get a job at Wetzels Pretzels. Make something of yourself. (or at least give free lemonade to the mall goth girls. Maybe then they will notice you.-sigh.)
Ahhh. There is more? No this is your way out!!! You crappy novelty beverage.
S- Ugh. Tastes bad. This tastes like boogers.
d-Ugh. It tastes like bad lemon cleaner.
This is not a good product. Normally I try to make a joke but also recommend you try these things for yourself. Not today. Not here. This thing is all packaging and that isn't even great. The best part was pouring it down the drain. That looked kinda pretty. I give this drink a 0- we are all dying....constantly radiating decay (sigh)-out of 5.
*I forgot what she said this tasted like so when I woke her up from her nap to ask her, in a daze she gestured toward her nostril. So she doesn't eat boogers. That is my point.
S- (after waking from nap.) I said it tasted like stomach bile.
d-Oh yeah. It sure did taste like throw up.
I had to get this. First of all the label is really eye catching. Chai Cola? Are you kidding me? Yes please. (about the soda not the kidding) Tell me more.
Ok. Now the back here is a tad too hippy for my likes. That being said I am still very excited to try it.
S- Oh. This is pretty good.
d-I like this but it doesn't seem very bubbly.
S-I think it tastes bubbly. I wish I had some whisky to mix it with.
d-Maybe it is the teas that are mellowing the sharpness of the effervescence...or not. I like the flavor but I can't drink more than maybe 2-3 ounces of it. Not that it is bad it isn't but I am not a soda person.
S-Do I have any whisky?
d-(looks)
S-I don't. I know. (sad face.)
We give this beverage a 4.5-How is it weird to be pale but pumpkin colored people walking around is completely normal?-out of 5.
Oh snap. Did I use the "capturing sasquatch" lens on Instagram? No. Sadly I just really suck at taking pictures. Also I made that joke before. Also I am too lazy to even remove that joke so I just keep hammering away on the keyboard as if to create distance between me and that moment. Ugh. Well that ends this lovely little post. Wow. Not to be too goth but this has to have been my least enjoyable post ever. Stay tuned next week! Maybe this blog will just become a goth food blog. Just recipes that involve pills and smoking cloves. See you on the other side.
*How many sighs did you count?
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