Thursday, March 8, 2012

.FOOrD BLOOrG. Welcome to my motivation station prepare for elation

It would seem in these modern times that we choose not to SURVIVE but settle just to be alive. We close our eyes to the wonders of the world outside and play games on our phones and watch reruns of Pimp My Ride. The gift of experiencing our each and every breath has instead been replaced with the documentation of ones self. Majesty made both mediocre and bland because everything looks the same through the lens of Instagram. Technique and style are valued far less than a leaked nipple slip from a Kardashian dress. The idea that we are so pleased by complacency, that we are satiated in our Pajama Jeans, has me infuriated and bursting at the seams. This is a message to broadcast massive-

We have become the passive.

Before you leave this page to engage in a Farmville game or something equally mundane. Wait. Remember how you got to this day. It wasn't without stumbles, falls, scrapes, and frays. Then why live this safe predictable way? We are so insulated and inundated by how our creature comforts are operated that we have forgotten what it is like to ACTUALLY be creative. Yes, this idea should sting like a slap. Now go make something without the aid of an app. Put down your smart phone and get your wits about yourself, the only navigation you need is your own heart and health. Give your loved one some actual face time and an honest look before you passively compliment them on Facebook. It is time to treat these creature comforts like a wounded horse, get out your gun and interrupt natures course. You will have plenty of time when you are old and grey to sit around stationary and complain. For now, woman or man, let your life experiences expand. TRY EVERY SINGLE THING YOU CAN. The end result isn't wether or not you liked it, it is about learning about yourself from having tried it.  

This is your life but do you choose to live it?

-Mc Snackmixx

So today's theme is about going outside of our own comfort zones and how in the end we can look back and see how we've grown. Hold on. I am still rhyming. OK. I think it has passed now. Alright, lets get to the snacks.


This was found at Fizz in PDX. I remember getting this gum or one like it in individual plastic wrappers when I was a kid. The idea as you can see by the pretty lackadaisical packaging is that it is gum that looks like a hot dog. More specifically a wiener. Can we just have a moment here to acknowledge the tagline that they put on the front of this gum for children. Gum shaped like a wiener and it says "Blow your lunch". Nobody raised an eyebrow at that one? Really? I know what they must have meant. Oh man. But I keep looking at it. Agh. There it is. I mean double entendre aside just look at the packaging. It is so ugly. Then there is the fact that it is six pieces of gum for a buck 25. Yikes. Then there is the issue of taste.

I think we all know what it means when something is "fruit" flavored. It means that it has a vague sweet flavor that is not great nor memorable. This product has that. This gum tastes like sugar and gum.-sigh-This gum is about as good at being fun to eat as I am successful at algebra. (I never even got to algebra.)
If you are looking for a gum that turns into a pretty massive glob of sugar in your mouth than this might be the snack for you. If you like to feel as if you have made a questionable choice while purchasing a snack than this might be the snack for you. Not for me though. I give this snack a 1-Limit the amount of time you walk around in a game on your game system and actually walk around, stimulating your own nervous system-out of 5


I know, I have said it 1000 times before but I am just not a fan of Mexican candies and sweets. Nonetheless this treat came back with Pat from a recent trip. I couldn't simply turn it down so I had to try it. (Hold on, the rhyming came back. I just need to hold a cold knife to my temple and roll my eyes. Wait, that is to get rid of hiccups...Ok. I will eat a spoonful of cinnamon and also play the spoons. No, that doesn't cure anything. Oh, I think it has passed.) This snack is interesting because of the individual little husk sacks. Is that the right term? I mean they look cool right? 



Huh. A plastic bag is wrapped tightly around the tamarind flavored sugar. Interesting. It smells like if a prune had some old slippers and it was wearing them when it has a fever and it's feverish feet had fever sweats in the slippers and then you smelled it. Yeah, like sweaty prune feet slippers. How does it taste? Pretty much like that. It is gritty. It has the taste of prunes and of course it has cayenne pepper. I bet if Mexico had a show that was the hispanic equivalent of the golden girls and you kissed one of them-your mouth would taste like this. This isn't a new experience thanks to previous Mexican snack adventures but it is another experience. Yep. There is something about the clawing sweetness that won't leave your mouth. It just lingers on your tongue giving you the feeling that you are actively rotting your teeth. I can honestly say that trying this was an all around bummer like realizing that your girlfriend has teeth like Joe Strummer. (Wait. Sorry. It will pass. I just need to fold clothes and think of lemons. . . That doesn't cure anything does it? It just makes you salivate while you match socks. That is just weird. Don't do that.)
As this was a gift, I am unsure of the price but I will say this "Even free is maybe too much." I give this snack a .5-Yes it will be crowded at the ________social event but prepare yourself mentally for that and when it is over you can ay that you made it through and have an experience to remember-out of 5.



Yes. Your eyes don't deceive you. We are doing this. I am not Andrew Zimmern or whatever his name is. My thing is not about eating gross things or extreme cuisine. However, Dave gave me this awhile ago and I had said that I wouldn't be eating them. I believe I also said "I will only eat one if you eat one because I get scared when I throw up alone." (Not true. Probably) Yet ever since then a part of my brain has been saying "why not?" You see, I don't usually make new years resolutions but this year I did. It was to say yes to anything my wife asks. Do I want to go somewhere that I might not have any interest in going? Yes. (Like that.) Something that simple can break the routines that we tend to build for ourselves. It is freeing to see what you are capable of no matter how big or small or possibly ill conceived and thoroughly gross.

So that is what this post and really this snack all come down to. When life gives you a cricket can you eat it? Well what if life sprays chemicals on the cricket to flavor it like bacon and cheese? Do you eat that cricket? In truth, most of what is coating the cricket is dehydrated cheese. Don't ask me why but I was way more gung ho about this idea before I saw that it had blue cheese on it. Something about having blue cheese on my cricket is just off putting. In the event that you think they look cute in that box lets get a closer look.


For you information, the smell is somewhere between when you open a box of Kraft Mac & cheese (You know that mix of dusty cardboard and dried pasta.) and when you open the cheese powder packet from the same box. Hmmm. With just a hint of what an old fly swatter smells like. Just a touch though. Just a touch. There is a balance of ambiance here. Oh man. He is missing a leg. er. I mean he is missing a drum stick. Alright here it goes:

(At the moment of trying this I was positioned by the sink ready to vomit. I had prepared myself.)

The first thing I noticed was that it was quite crunchy and the flavor was,  believe it or not, quite fake cheesy. Now in case you are picturing me casually chewing this cricket with a thoughtful look on my face-think again. I don't think I have ever chewed something so fast in my entire life. Also my eyes did tear up because I let myself think about what I was eating when my tongue felt one of its feet or legs. Luckily these crickets are dried or something so there is no guts to squirt in your mouth, no brain matter smeared on your tongue and no eye juices to go pop. (Are you ok? You look like you might feel ill.) Back in December, Sarah and Dave and I went to The Woodsman Tavern here in PDX and they had a dish of fried pork skin dusted in similar cheese dust. I would almost rather eat this cricket. The big miss here other than that it is a cricket is the bacon flavor. This just isn't what bacon tastes like. In my snack travels I really feel like one thing never changes- only bacon tastes like bacon. Anything bacon flavored is weird and icky. So I did it. I got the cricket down. I looked my opponent in his/hers little cheese covered face and I said......ok that didn't happen. I give this snack a 2-Go to a new restaurant. Make a new dish. Walk a different way home. Change anything even a little. You will live.-out of 5.

So I did it. I ate a bug. Big deal.

Well to me it is a big deal. I didn't particularly want to eat it. But I knew I could. For this blog and for you I did. Yet none of this would have been possible without my family and friends. So thank you for taking a second out of your life to read this from the beginning till the end. Now I am going to turn on the t.v. and become passive again. (JK. I am so not. I am going to make dinner for my lady. #SheIsTheBest)


(*I promise none of the rhyming will appear in any feature posts.)

No comments: