First off at the top here I'd like to apologize for not posting last week. Our kitchen and bathroom were under construction which meant we had to basically be homeless during the day and a night. (Luckily we have good friends who were happy to take us in.) So not being home made it difficult to get all snacky snackin if you know what I mean.
That week did make me think though. There is something about seeing something in various stages of construction where you realize how many individual items must aid each other in order to create something that works. Not unlike people and our choices of friends. There are those who add and enrich your life and those who leech and subtract from your existence. I guess the ultimate goal is to trim that parasitic fat (ugh...grosss) and have a lean, happy, and rich life bloated with quality friends. (I just pictured all of you looking like that girl in Willy Wonka who goes to the juicer.)
It is with that in mind as we turn our attention toward chocolate. (Yet again.) Don't fret there are other items coming up that are not chocolate and I have another full order hailing from far away. Now lets do some tongue math: do the ingredients add or subtract. (Tongue math???)
First up we have this little gem which features chocolate, exploded corn, chili, and salt. Sounds strange right? Sarah and I sought this out after she had read about it somewhere. (Possibly my most informative sentence ever.) Doesn't exploded corn sound crazy? Wait. Couldn't anyone call popcorn- exploded corn? Hmm. Not so crazy sounding is it? Now it sounds kinda dim witted if you ask me but then again just look at the bottom. "Best understood by tasting." No sh*t buddy. I suppose you could just draw Orville Redenbacher dippin his Bs in some chocolate and put that at the bottom. Maybe that doesn't make any sense (shocker) but my point is that statement implies that we can't possibly conceive what they have imagined. Ok, enough about the label lets look at the back.
Well. I paid over 4 dollars for a small piece of chocolate brittle? Yep. But it has EXPLODED CORN!!! Ugh. Now before we get to the taste I would like to point out that a typical mole sauce has all of these ingredients in one way or another. So all of these chocolate companies (must be millions) aren't really so creative. I mean many of these that we try aren't even solid with the chocolate before they add all the extra buzz words. I know I may sound bitter (chocolate) and maybe I am. Many people like finding new tasty gems and many people make money off our search with faulty foods. Ok enough is enough. Lets get to the taste.
Aiding with this entry of snacks is my lovely wife (S). We will each deliver a brief statement about the snack and award a level of deliciousness and rebuyability (not a word) ranging from the classic 0-5. By cutting this open we can see the crazy corn. Mysterious!!!
S- I don't get any chili. Ugh. It tastes like somebody dropped corn chips in my candy. No! It tastes like corn nut dust in chocolate. No thanks. 2 out of 5.
d- That is so disgusting and entirely accurate. It tastes like somebody dipped their corn nuts in chocolate. (Orville?) The salt they are talking about was probably from the nuts and the chili is nowhere to be found. My mouth has depression right now. It is as if all of the whimsy and wonder of candy has died in my mouth tonite. (Cutting Crew) Too far? Maybe. 1 out of 5.
NEXT!!!
This was found at a wine and chocolate and beer shop on Alberta here in PDX. (Weird that I didn't find one soap store on that street.) I was looking at the 10 dollar bar of this but then we noticed that company has smaller tastes. Do you know what that tells me? That tells me that they stand by their product and aren't trying to fool/force anyone to fork out big bucks just to taste their wares. I like that move Jade. Well done. Lets check the back.
So we have chocolate here featuring toasted sesame seeds, tea, and chili. Doesn't that just sound like a warm winter evening by the fire? What a comforting collection of bedfellows for the chocolate. Lets see what orgiastic occurrences happen when we do the tongue math. (That sentence went all kinds of wrong....I apologize.) Maybe we will just see what it looks like first.
Oh wow. It is like little tiles. Three to be exact. I like this idea. Normally I like my desserts in small amounts. A tad will do if it is good quality but is it? Lets see-
S- I get the crunch of the seed. I don't really get the tea in there at all. I do taste some chili and I like that it is good non-sweetened chocolate. Quite good palattable chocolate. 4 out of 5. (Spoiler alert: This was S's favorite from the whole array.)
d- It is pretty bitter but the overall mouth feel is great. Good balance of flavors. Maybe I don't get the tea though there maybe a bit in the finish. 3.75 out of 5.
This really was pleasant. I now want to try all of their other products and I will. I will.
Ooh. This one looks scholarly. This little stubby treat features pecans, nougat, and bacon carmel. Sounds a bit like a twist on a Snickers to me. Still it was at the same shop that we found the last one and it was small so I got it. Now i have been over the bacon+sweets craze for a few years now but I wanted to see how a caramel made with bacon would turn out. Before the revel, here is a shot of the ingredients on the back.
Seems like it could be promising right?
Well, now that we can see inside it looks pretty much like a snickers bar. All and all this treat appears pretty approachable and on the level. The only mystery is how the bacon caramel will marry.
S-Huh uh. There is something way too animally. The bacon. This tastes like a farm. 2-out of 5.
d- Somebody wrapped a mess of farm stink in chocolate! Ugh. Without the bacon flavor this would be a pleasant upscale candy bar. The overall mouth feel was satisfying and other than the livestock and hay notes quite enjoyable. 1.5 out of 5. (Oh no, if this isn't last what could be worse than this?)
Get the f*ck out. A beef and cheese chocolate truffle?
YES.
Sarah found this at Whole Foods. It was with no hesitation that I purchased it. Like I said before, meat chocolate and cheese have played together many times. But the simple ugly wording of this seems so honest. It doesn't say Wagyu Beef, cave aged gruyere, and cacao. It says beef and cheese. I love that. It was, I think, a dollar fifty. Approachable and yet dangerous. This could be bad. (Like bacon tabs bad.)
It seems so casual and unassuming there in its cost effective packaging. Looks like any other chocolate really.
When you cut it open you see caramel. I don't see shredded cheese or beef jerky anywhere. It doesn't smell like meat or cheese.
S-I like it. It has a really good texture. I would try any of their other products. 4-out of 5.
d- This is really good. Kinda reminds me of a high end Rollo. I don't get the beef or cheese but I like the mouth feel. It is smooth and creamy with a really nice medium chocolate flavor. 4-out of 5.
Neither of us minded that it didn't taste like beef or cheese. The overall taste of the product was so nice and I don't feel duped at all. In a strange way, it succedes where others fail by ultimately being pleasant to enjoy and be around. It wasn't making a big stink about what it was it just calmly stated it and was pretty delicious. This was my favorite of the four. Didn't see that coming.
Which brings us to a close. Somethings can sparkle but will ultimately fade if the core isn't strong enough in the first place. I mean, why paint a wall if the substructure is crumbling? Sure you can shape poop to look like a candy bar but it still is going to be poop in a Twix wrapper(I guess that would be 2 poops. Should have gone with Mars. Damn my metaphors lately.) and it will still taste like poop. (What am I talking about?) Just try to be a good person and enrich the friends lives around you. Surround yourself with those that do the same. Send those other f*ckers packing.
Thanks again to all our good friends. Especially K & E for putting us up when we were homeless. Cheers to you and yours. See you real soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment